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Feeling lost, and a great loss.
8 months ago
I lost my cat to old age and a stroke Thursday night. I knew his time was coming, but you always hope for more. This comes a few days after the 4 year anniversary of losing my Mom as well. At least my cat, Rico, can be with her now too.
I'm still seeing him out of the corner of my eye, walking into the room to get some food, just like always. I had a dream this morning (Saturday) that I had given up my cat recently so I wouldn't have to deal with his death, then changed my mind and started screaming "I want my cat back" and yelling as loudly as I could. I woke up after three times doing this and remembered he was already gone and was hit with more grief. Any time I lay down I am flooded with memories of him and what happened last night. I now live with another void in my life. I have cameras in my house. Watching them helps me with the timeline and to put together what happened.
Around 1140pm Thursday, Rico got up and stumbled around the couch, trying to get down. Then he fell off and threw up and peed. I heard him throw up and came out to see him there. I comforted him and wiped him off, and he slowly got back up on his own, and I picked him up and brought him into the computer room and cuddled with him some. He was still alert and purring, like he normally would. I showed him outside of the house a bit. I woke my husband and let him know that there was something wrong with Rico and it's probably his time. I cried. I kept him with me can cuddled for a couple of hours and he threw up again. I gave him some wet food and water, and some treats. He was still walking and looking around in his tired way. Tried to go to bed around 115am, but after a while Rico started rolling and fumbling around. I took him to the other room and I got online and spent some time in a video chat with some friends while I cuddled with Rico. He was still fumbling around. I am guessing that he was probably having a massive stroke. His head was tilted sideways and he had no balance. I layed him on the ground and he acted like he was running sideways. I picked him up and held him. After a while, around 330am, he threw up again and went completely limp. I checked his eyes and there was no response to light at all. He started doing what I now know is agonal breathing. I knew he was gone at this point. After a while his pupils became unbalanced. I took him back to bed and slept with him for a few hours. We took him to the local animal shelter around 915am.
I'm still seeing him out of the corner of my eye, walking into the room to get some food, just like always. I had a dream this morning (Saturday) that I had given up my cat recently so I wouldn't have to deal with his death, then changed my mind and started screaming "I want my cat back" and yelling as loudly as I could. I woke up after three times doing this and remembered he was already gone and was hit with more grief. Any time I lay down I am flooded with memories of him and what happened last night. I now live with another void in my life. I have cameras in my house. Watching them helps me with the timeline and to put together what happened.
Around 1140pm Thursday, Rico got up and stumbled around the couch, trying to get down. Then he fell off and threw up and peed. I heard him throw up and came out to see him there. I comforted him and wiped him off, and he slowly got back up on his own, and I picked him up and brought him into the computer room and cuddled with him some. He was still alert and purring, like he normally would. I showed him outside of the house a bit. I woke my husband and let him know that there was something wrong with Rico and it's probably his time. I cried. I kept him with me can cuddled for a couple of hours and he threw up again. I gave him some wet food and water, and some treats. He was still walking and looking around in his tired way. Tried to go to bed around 115am, but after a while Rico started rolling and fumbling around. I took him to the other room and I got online and spent some time in a video chat with some friends while I cuddled with Rico. He was still fumbling around. I am guessing that he was probably having a massive stroke. His head was tilted sideways and he had no balance. I layed him on the ground and he acted like he was running sideways. I picked him up and held him. After a while, around 330am, he threw up again and went completely limp. I checked his eyes and there was no response to light at all. He started doing what I now know is agonal breathing. I knew he was gone at this point. After a while his pupils became unbalanced. I took him back to bed and slept with him for a few hours. We took him to the local animal shelter around 915am.
