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My dad might be dying (vent)
6 months ago
And I don't care.
This bastard has done his level best to undermine me as a person most of my life (the rest of it he was just negligent)
If I disagreed with him he would call r*****ed to my face. Even insisting I didn't know what I was talking about when it came to matters directly related to my degree. This man has also referred to Latin cultures as "inferior", but also claims he's not racist.
When I was four my mom came to pick me up from visitation and found me alone in the unlocked apartment because he had gone out.
I was nearly kidnapped on his watch (I was rescued by a teenage employee)
In college he tried to socially isolate me, monopolizing a lot of my free time so I barely had any friends and was miserable for many years after that.
It's taken years to break through all this BS and find myself again, thanks to therapy and finally cutting him out of my life. My grandmother (his mother) calls my mom incessantly to demand I come see him, often holding the inheritance money over her head. Luckily my mom figured out that goalpost was on wheels and quit asking me to just humor them for a day.
Sometimes I weep for the few good times. I miss an idea of a father I never had. But I am so much less miserable with him out of my life. I am not tensing up every time I get text or call, I don't have to walk on eggshells worried I am going to say the wrong thing/have the wrong opinion.
I may never fully heal from the damage he has done, but at least I'm not still drinking the goddamn poison!
No contact isn't an easy choice to make, but it if I had the chance to do it all again I'd cut him out of my life sooner.
This bastard has done his level best to undermine me as a person most of my life (the rest of it he was just negligent)
If I disagreed with him he would call r*****ed to my face. Even insisting I didn't know what I was talking about when it came to matters directly related to my degree. This man has also referred to Latin cultures as "inferior", but also claims he's not racist.
When I was four my mom came to pick me up from visitation and found me alone in the unlocked apartment because he had gone out.
I was nearly kidnapped on his watch (I was rescued by a teenage employee)
In college he tried to socially isolate me, monopolizing a lot of my free time so I barely had any friends and was miserable for many years after that.
It's taken years to break through all this BS and find myself again, thanks to therapy and finally cutting him out of my life. My grandmother (his mother) calls my mom incessantly to demand I come see him, often holding the inheritance money over her head. Luckily my mom figured out that goalpost was on wheels and quit asking me to just humor them for a day.
Sometimes I weep for the few good times. I miss an idea of a father I never had. But I am so much less miserable with him out of my life. I am not tensing up every time I get text or call, I don't have to walk on eggshells worried I am going to say the wrong thing/have the wrong opinion.
I may never fully heal from the damage he has done, but at least I'm not still drinking the goddamn poison!
No contact isn't an easy choice to make, but it if I had the chance to do it all again I'd cut him out of my life sooner.
I'm so sorry you can relate. I think when my one cousin went no contact with the rest of the family it started to put things in perspective.
Trying to do better, at least. Hope you are also doing better.
I was offered by my oldest brother to go see the funeral, and I reminded him of what he did to both him and the middle brother, his reaction was a simple "Oh... fair enough" response. Up to this point, I intentionally avoided seeing him when I could due to being in the military and my leave-time intentionally not being announced in the family. I do not regret not giving that man the "respect for the dead" as he didn't deserve the respect in life.
For yours, keep in mind that he may try to coax you to come see him on his final days if he has a way to contact you, he's most-likely expecting pity or going to drop a bombshell-announcement on you. With all of this you mentioned, I would personally continue the no-contact and if family tries to convince you to go see him because "he's family" remind them of all of this and say "Family wouldn't do this to each other."
Sorry you've gone through that. It's a crappy club to be in.
He used up all my forgiveness a long time ago.
Thankfully I do have folks in my life who help me and remind me to not accept that kind of treatment.
They were the parent and you were the child, it was their responsibility to take care of you, not the other way around! Treat yourself as they should've treated you.
Best wishes to you.
Yeah, it's hard sometimes, and true what you say about mourning a person that didn't exist. That's what we have to keep reminding ourselves, that person never existed.
Best wishes to you too
I hope you continue to improve outside of his reach, and find comfort and joy in experiencing things for YOU and not for what he wants. You deserve that.
It's hard to not dwell on a life that could have been, but I try to keep moving forward.