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Not doing particularly well . . .
8 months ago
General
I do owe some explanation.
Usually, I write an update on Valentine's day, my writing anniversary, but, I didn't.
It's no secret to anyone things are awful right now, especially in the US, and it's been getting to me, badly. My last message wasn't great, and I can't say anything has changed. Tried playing games with friends, but my PC has a graphics card that crashes. I tried playing and even running some table top games, but it's been a more frustrating than rewarding experience. I've tried to do some writing, even some art, but it hasn't really been working out at all.
Plus, because of all the political nonsense happening, I've been unable to do anything but see constant political bombardments that have thoroughly soured my mood and attitude. I'm under no illusion that I'm in a better position than my friends given how "white toast" I am, but I still care about my friends. LGBT+, friends who I feel terrible about because they're going through the same thing, that I have to be a helpful and supportive person through all of this, and I feel like I'm cracking under the weight of my own expectations.
I'm not in danger, I'm not threatened, nothing like that just . . .
I feel too drained to do anything lately. Makes me hate myself, leads to me demoralizing myself, gets into my head, and makes me not want to work on anything anymore. I think it'll be a long time before I'm able to write again, if I ever will write again.
I'm trying, but I don't think I'm enough anymore.
Usually, I write an update on Valentine's day, my writing anniversary, but, I didn't.
It's no secret to anyone things are awful right now, especially in the US, and it's been getting to me, badly. My last message wasn't great, and I can't say anything has changed. Tried playing games with friends, but my PC has a graphics card that crashes. I tried playing and even running some table top games, but it's been a more frustrating than rewarding experience. I've tried to do some writing, even some art, but it hasn't really been working out at all.
Plus, because of all the political nonsense happening, I've been unable to do anything but see constant political bombardments that have thoroughly soured my mood and attitude. I'm under no illusion that I'm in a better position than my friends given how "white toast" I am, but I still care about my friends. LGBT+, friends who I feel terrible about because they're going through the same thing, that I have to be a helpful and supportive person through all of this, and I feel like I'm cracking under the weight of my own expectations.
I'm not in danger, I'm not threatened, nothing like that just . . .
I feel too drained to do anything lately. Makes me hate myself, leads to me demoralizing myself, gets into my head, and makes me not want to work on anything anymore. I think it'll be a long time before I'm able to write again, if I ever will write again.
I'm trying, but I don't think I'm enough anymore.
You can do it, I believe in you. One word at a time, but Feel you in the demoralization. Nothing to hate yourself about though. Its ok to be in a down place sometimes. I care and worry about ya.