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It's been rough, but I'm doing the best I can
7 months ago
❀Azure's journal❀ I appreciate those who have made me feel safe in the last few months. As some of y'all know, I was having issues with stalking and harassment from multiple people. It has now died down and I'm also thankful to all the people that reported these cyberbullies. Life is hard enough as is, and no one needs that. So it's given me courage to keep moving forward. I'll be honest, it's been awhile since I wrote anything since I don't really like to write too much of these and I don't have a whole lot to say.
Honestly, there's a lot of personal stuff I just can't talk about that isn't for me to say. Anyway I'm a very private person and I honestly don't like to vent too much or go into my personal life very much. I just don't feel comfortable being chronically online anymore... I thought I should establish these boundaries so I thought I should let y'all know. It's what I'm most comfortable with online and just how I feel about things.
I'm not trying to be mean, but it isn't really anyone's business either. Also, after the stalking issues I had that I now want to avoid in the future, I just rather not go into my personal life too much. I hope y'all understand where I'm coming from and I only feel safe around those I can trust. It's better to be safe than sorry as they say. But I'll explain my absence since some people either think I'm mad at them because I left a bunch of professional servers that I couldn't manage anymore now that I'm taking care of family and the house. I just don't have time like I used to anymore.
It takes time for me to think of what to say and often I have nothing important to add or say. It's really hard to talk due to my disability... It may not seem like it but, I'm disabled... I have trouble talking to people and connecting with people. I also got social anxiety and PTSD that I explained a few times in journals and videos... My art has made it a bit easier connect to with others, but... It's been hard to just sit down and draw with everything going on at home and online but it has calmed down a little bit.
More often lately, I had to not be online as much because I had to take care of my house, my family, and two cats (Remy and Ponyo. Remy is eleven years old and Ponyo is two years old. Sadly, they don't get along. For some years I was using cat pheromones up until it didn't work anymore. Remy started marking where the cat pheromone diffusers were so I have to divide the house up.
Remy is my little sister's cat and Ponyo is my mom's cat. My mom also can barely walk...So I prepare her meals, wash her clothes, etc. So as y'all can imagine I do a LOT. Housework, caretaking and game testing... By the time I'm done, I'm too tired or burnt out to draw/paint. That's why I haven't updated in a while.
Here's some photos of the cats: Remy: https://sta.sh/06nttm7ewjf Ponyo: https://sta.sh/0fkg079cr4c
I love these cats so much. Please do not repost these photos anywhere, thank you. It's taking a lot of work to divide the house, so I've been busy with that. A lot of people have got their own issues. So, I've been taking care of this on my own, but I feel like because of my absence some people think I either don't like them anymore or they're bothering me, when that's just not the case.
Life happens and sadly there is road blocks sometimes. I'll no longer say when I'm updating because it seems like when I try to something comes up or I have to drop what I'm doing. It's really hard and I just hope people understand how difficult life can be. I'll try to write a journal maybe every two weeks to a month or a short status maybe.
I want to spend time with family while I can, so I've been doing that. In the past, I've lost loved ones so, I'm trying to be there when I can, and online is just in the back burner. That being said, my messages are open if any friends/mutuals want to talk. I'll try to get back to y'all when I can. Anyway, I appreciate those that also took the time to listen to me when I was going through it.
It was really tough to process everything, but it's gotten easier. I understand that depression is an all time high and I'll be lying if I said I wasn't depressed... So yeah, it's just heavy stuff when a lot of the time I rather just keep to myself. It's not easy to talk about or process.
This journal is a bit long, so later on I'll for sure make another one when I have the time. It's nice to write a journal every once in a while and it's a good way to take a breather. I must say, I missed it.
Honestly, there's a lot of personal stuff I just can't talk about that isn't for me to say. Anyway I'm a very private person and I honestly don't like to vent too much or go into my personal life very much. I just don't feel comfortable being chronically online anymore... I thought I should establish these boundaries so I thought I should let y'all know. It's what I'm most comfortable with online and just how I feel about things.
I'm not trying to be mean, but it isn't really anyone's business either. Also, after the stalking issues I had that I now want to avoid in the future, I just rather not go into my personal life too much. I hope y'all understand where I'm coming from and I only feel safe around those I can trust. It's better to be safe than sorry as they say. But I'll explain my absence since some people either think I'm mad at them because I left a bunch of professional servers that I couldn't manage anymore now that I'm taking care of family and the house. I just don't have time like I used to anymore.
It takes time for me to think of what to say and often I have nothing important to add or say. It's really hard to talk due to my disability... It may not seem like it but, I'm disabled... I have trouble talking to people and connecting with people. I also got social anxiety and PTSD that I explained a few times in journals and videos... My art has made it a bit easier connect to with others, but... It's been hard to just sit down and draw with everything going on at home and online but it has calmed down a little bit.
More often lately, I had to not be online as much because I had to take care of my house, my family, and two cats (Remy and Ponyo. Remy is eleven years old and Ponyo is two years old. Sadly, they don't get along. For some years I was using cat pheromones up until it didn't work anymore. Remy started marking where the cat pheromone diffusers were so I have to divide the house up.
Remy is my little sister's cat and Ponyo is my mom's cat. My mom also can barely walk...So I prepare her meals, wash her clothes, etc. So as y'all can imagine I do a LOT. Housework, caretaking and game testing... By the time I'm done, I'm too tired or burnt out to draw/paint. That's why I haven't updated in a while.
Here's some photos of the cats: Remy: https://sta.sh/06nttm7ewjf Ponyo: https://sta.sh/0fkg079cr4c
I love these cats so much. Please do not repost these photos anywhere, thank you. It's taking a lot of work to divide the house, so I've been busy with that. A lot of people have got their own issues. So, I've been taking care of this on my own, but I feel like because of my absence some people think I either don't like them anymore or they're bothering me, when that's just not the case.
Life happens and sadly there is road blocks sometimes. I'll no longer say when I'm updating because it seems like when I try to something comes up or I have to drop what I'm doing. It's really hard and I just hope people understand how difficult life can be. I'll try to write a journal maybe every two weeks to a month or a short status maybe.
I want to spend time with family while I can, so I've been doing that. In the past, I've lost loved ones so, I'm trying to be there when I can, and online is just in the back burner. That being said, my messages are open if any friends/mutuals want to talk. I'll try to get back to y'all when I can. Anyway, I appreciate those that also took the time to listen to me when I was going through it.
It was really tough to process everything, but it's gotten easier. I understand that depression is an all time high and I'll be lying if I said I wasn't depressed... So yeah, it's just heavy stuff when a lot of the time I rather just keep to myself. It's not easy to talk about or process.
This journal is a bit long, so later on I'll for sure make another one when I have the time. It's nice to write a journal every once in a while and it's a good way to take a breather. I must say, I missed it.
