TL;DR is at the bottom for those only interested in knowing the status of commissions! :)

Howdy,

So, when starting out. I didn't have a clear grasp over the commission process, or selling art in general. This led to quite a few misgivings on my part about how the process went. I'm sure there are past clients reading this that think I "hate" them. I don't. But I don't blame them for feeling that way.
I never communicated how the process of commissioning art really felt to me. I treated it solely as a transaction. I just did it, didn't say anything, and moved on. And maybe that's for the best.
But I want to air out this dirty laundry to make honest with myself, and others, about how I feel.

I have an overly intimate relationship with art in general. I'm of the belief that one's own art is very personal, very vulnerable. It's a "piece" of yourself that you create. And this is doubly-true for fetish art. As the content featured there is usually even more secretive, and even closer to one's own personal vulnerability. Because of this, I feel very strongly towards the art that I create. Which may sound odd, considering the contents. But it's my way of showing that secret, vulnerable side of myself. And so I'm protective over it.

But commissions are no longer my solely art, it's a shared product. It's now my art, and another person's. Which causes me to feel conflicted. I've never "shared" my art in that collaborative way before.

This issue comes with my own personal relationship with "artistic integrity." I have an immeasurably difficult time making changes/edits to my art that client's suggest because, in doing so, I forfeit some of that integrity. And with it, a piece of myself. And so, a battle starts inside my head. I get torn between satisfying the client, someone who is paying a lot of money for a product, and trying to maintain as much integrity as I can in doing so. More often than not, I lose this battle, and I make any and all edits the client suggests. Despite knowing that, in doing so, I will be going against myself and what I believe.

And so I become resentful. I begin to hate the commission, not necessarily the client, but the art itself changes shape for me. Because I reject looking at it for what it is, a collaborative effort between myself and the client. Our two more vulnerable parts of ourself working towards creating something new. I'm inherently holding onto a selfish desire to keep the art for myself. To maintain full integrity.

And after a few years of behaving like this, I decided to stop taking commissions altogether. And I found it impossible to talk about, because I never attempted to make anything beyond a "business-like" connection with people. I was waist-deep in this little community. But never actually engaged with it. Never attempted to make any friends. And that made me feel alone in my thoughts. I think that's one of the reasons I left. I had community, I had people who did care for me. But I never made the effort to reach out, or to talk to anyone in any meaningful way outside of fulfilling commission requests.

And I want to reiterate, this is not the fault of those that requested edits to their commissions. The fault is my own. I could have been more transparent about my feelings towards making edits in my commission info. But since I didn't, I cannot be upset with those clients reasonably asking for changes. So to rectify that mistake, I want to make my feelings known:

I don't enjoy taking commissions. I think in order to start, I'd have to change how I fundamentally view my own art. And I'm not sure I'm ready to right now.



TL;DR
Commissions will remain closed for the foresee-able future. This may change, and I will gladly announce it if it does!
But for the time being, all I ask for is that you respect the decision being made.



Thank you,
"Skunk"