Deciding I'm only going to spend x much here today and then I will have this much to put aside for this really fun exciting thing I want to do later and this amount here can go toward my future doesn't really work well when you are parenting a parent that would be on the streets or worse if not for you - especially when that parent has a horrendous gambling problem and you've already given them a nice share of money that you shouldn't have really taken out of an account that was set aside for your future.

God I don't know what I'm going to do. But I hope somehow in some way things get better. I don't want to leave her to the 'ok well I don't care what happens to you' part of me that wants to figure out how to move myself and my cats in with my friends but. I've now got too many cats. Because of said parent that is not wise. And I have spent so much of my adult life hoping that she will get wise while putting myself at risk. And then my aunt who also lives with us refuses to get a job and has decided that she is unable to despite being able to - she just doesn't want to.

I just want to be happy. I want to finally get to disney and universal bc I feel like somehow that will heal some part of my inner child and at least make me a little happier. I want a house with a catio. I want to get my teeth fixed. I want to be happy. Please just let me be happy.