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I’m back.
5 months ago
Long story short. In a period of 3 months I lost both my grandmas. 1 of them fell at her kitchen and couldn’t stand up, she spent a bit less than a month in hospital and then passed away. 2nd was on the last stage of Alzheimer’s and she fell really sick with stomach infection right after funeral. We provided constant care and medical support, she needed 24/7 supervision like a toddler, but then after 2,5 months of fighting her lungs got inflamed too and we lost her as well. 2 weeks after her funeral we found out that my mother’s lung tumour has been growing actively for the last 6 months (previous checkup she had in September and it was a small lump). Now she needs another surgery. 2 years ago she was diagnosed with kidney cancer and had a tumour removed with a 20% part of her right kidney, ever since then her health state was declining, and now this another strike, right after loosing her mother. She can’t visit doctors alone because of weakness, so I accompany her everywhere, I learned well enough what help and medicine she might need to relieve pain and dizziness, I always have some sort of 1st aid kit with me, but anytime she gets unwell it’s still a huge stress.
These 2 years after discovering mom’s illness and until now changed me a lot. I feel cracked. My whole life turned into serving my family and feeling helpless and miserable as nothing I did seemed to really change things for the better. Lost all my grandparents and now really afraid for my parents too, especially mother. My primary stress reaction is to “freeze”. And all I was doing facing sicknesses and deaths inside my family was freezing and freezing and freezing over and over again just to save what was left from my nervous system. All I could do was staying around relatives and trying to provide them with what they needed. Any minor responsibility aside that was completely impossible to take care of, and of course it massively affected my work on commissions.
During this period my family got into debts. Taking care of grandma with Alzheimer’s right after grandpa passed 1,5 years ago was taking 70% of all time and a lot of mental and material resources. Me and my dad drained all our credit cards, then we sold part of our property to bounce back but it wasn’t enough, so things aren’t great for us at all, especially after funerals, but we will keep trying to fix things while we can.
Of course I didn’t plan to abandon furaffinity or my job as an artist at all, I remember about my art debt and I’m willing to take care of it now. I already started sending out finished commissions with expired deadlines this winter, but things happened and unfortunately I was unable to continue this journey. My mom is going through medical examination for her surgery now, the date is unclear yet, but most likely in June or July this year, it will be another stressful period for my family, during which I’ll most likely take a break to freeze and cope with reality. But I will try to be more open and present as much as I can.
Even though dealing with art debt will be my main focus, I will have to take a few commissions every month just to survive and take care of my credit card bill. To prove myself that I’m stable and capable of working, I finished around 10 expired commissions this month and will be sending and posting them in the nearest future.
Honestly, I’m terrified to get back. What if my art isn’t needed here (or anywhere else) anymore… what if people get hateful of me for taking so long and not being able to take care of my shit.
To not get outdated I created a bluesky (https://bsky.app/profile/adorableinall.bsky.social) profile and regained access to my twitter page (https://x.com/adorableinall_). I never really used these so I’ll need some time to figure out how things work, will be grateful for your help and support on these apps. Will possibly host some raffles there to accumulate watcher growth. I’m also planning to keep these places to post my WIPs and current news to keep everyone updated since FA suits more for finished artwork.
I’ll make a couple more journals with updates on my queue and everything this week and send out the notes. Thank you for reading! I wish you all to have a great week 🤍🕊️
These 2 years after discovering mom’s illness and until now changed me a lot. I feel cracked. My whole life turned into serving my family and feeling helpless and miserable as nothing I did seemed to really change things for the better. Lost all my grandparents and now really afraid for my parents too, especially mother. My primary stress reaction is to “freeze”. And all I was doing facing sicknesses and deaths inside my family was freezing and freezing and freezing over and over again just to save what was left from my nervous system. All I could do was staying around relatives and trying to provide them with what they needed. Any minor responsibility aside that was completely impossible to take care of, and of course it massively affected my work on commissions.
During this period my family got into debts. Taking care of grandma with Alzheimer’s right after grandpa passed 1,5 years ago was taking 70% of all time and a lot of mental and material resources. Me and my dad drained all our credit cards, then we sold part of our property to bounce back but it wasn’t enough, so things aren’t great for us at all, especially after funerals, but we will keep trying to fix things while we can.
Of course I didn’t plan to abandon furaffinity or my job as an artist at all, I remember about my art debt and I’m willing to take care of it now. I already started sending out finished commissions with expired deadlines this winter, but things happened and unfortunately I was unable to continue this journey. My mom is going through medical examination for her surgery now, the date is unclear yet, but most likely in June or July this year, it will be another stressful period for my family, during which I’ll most likely take a break to freeze and cope with reality. But I will try to be more open and present as much as I can.
Even though dealing with art debt will be my main focus, I will have to take a few commissions every month just to survive and take care of my credit card bill. To prove myself that I’m stable and capable of working, I finished around 10 expired commissions this month and will be sending and posting them in the nearest future.
Honestly, I’m terrified to get back. What if my art isn’t needed here (or anywhere else) anymore… what if people get hateful of me for taking so long and not being able to take care of my shit.
To not get outdated I created a bluesky (https://bsky.app/profile/adorableinall.bsky.social) profile and regained access to my twitter page (https://x.com/adorableinall_). I never really used these so I’ll need some time to figure out how things work, will be grateful for your help and support on these apps. Will possibly host some raffles there to accumulate watcher growth. I’m also planning to keep these places to post my WIPs and current news to keep everyone updated since FA suits more for finished artwork.
I’ll make a couple more journals with updates on my queue and everything this week and send out the notes. Thank you for reading! I wish you all to have a great week 🤍🕊️
But do not worry, I will still support you and your artworks. Also will give a follow on BlueSky since that site is very active nowadays.
I pray for things to get better for you and your family.
I will say for the art, I've waited a year for a commission before. If I know its coming eventually and I can trust the artist I'm willing to wait and a lot of others are too. I understand having a backlog really hurts since it can be hard to get ahead of it and the bills don't stop. But your art will always have a home. I wish I was in a better position to help.
Once my own situation stabilizes i will try to comm you again to try to help out♡
Gonna call BS there. Art hasn't gone out of style. if anything its more important than ever, especially with AI getting more involved nowadays. And if people complain, they clearly don't have enough patience.
Rememebr to care for yourself as best you can, find little things to recharge you and affirm your worth as a person for yourself.