I'm writing this as Autism Acceptance Month has a few hours left (at least here in the US/Canada Eastern Time Zone). And I've been thinking quite a bit about myself and how I've been living with autism for so long.

I was initially diagnosed as having autism when I was four years old. At the time, hardly anyone knew much about it, and everyone assumed that I would never be productive in society. But as time has progressed, it's become clear that autism is not the single-definition thing people assumed it was.

I had been trying to shun my autism for years when growing up. It wasn't until I got to high school when I was able to prove that I could operate independently and alongside other students. I did above average in school and got in the top third in my class, plus I eventually went to college and got a regular job.

But even with all my success in integrating into society, autism still haunted me. I've had problems in so many ways relating to autism - speaking to people, handling stress, managing my anxiety, focusing on super specific details instead of the big picture, and so forth. And don't get me started on eye contact.

I've tried my hardest to hide it from others, and I kept wishing it would someday go away. Even as the definition of autism became more understandable to where it's easier to tell who has autism (not to mention there's a very diverse array of people out there with autism), I still felt ashamed. I've heard the word autism be used as an insult for so long, not to mention I've been called a particular word (you know the one, the one that's making an unfortunate comeback) so many times.

But as time has progressed, I've realized something - trying to mask myself and cover it up and wish it would go away doesn't work. If anything, hiding my autism only makes things worse. I'm keeping things to myself, but I'm not getting the help I need, and it makes life harder. Not to mention it's so easy to burn out when you're trying to hide your true self.

Today, I'm not as ashamed as I used to be. I haven't told everyone in the workplace I have autism, but I have told my managers about it, and they are more than accepting. And I'm willing to bet some people who don't know about it have figured it out by now...

I understand that there's a whole community of people who care about autistics like us. That community is different for each person, but there's plenty out there who understand us and want to help us and accommodate us. They know everyone is different, and there's nothing wrong about it.

Unfortunately, we still have a good way to go. The comments of a particular American politician this past month have only reminded us of how the world isn't perfect. If anything, it just reminded me of my teachers in elementary and middle school telling me about how my brain isn't normal.

I have been doing my part to make myself feel better about who I am. I've accepted that I do indeed have autism and that I shouldn't try to hide it.

I only hope that society will be more accepting. It's getting there, but we still have a while to get there. The fact that the world's most powerful man has the ear of someone who wants to shun us and put us on a list isn't going to help...