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Emergency YCH, and other miscellaneous misfortunes
6 months ago
My god I can never seem to catch a break, can I?
If you want me to skip straight to the juice, you can find the YCH here, any help would mean the world to me right now:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/60841479/
For all the others that would like to read a little update on my current situation, well, I'm afraid to report that nothing really positive is happening at the moment, other than an upcoming group exhibit.
I'm realising more and more that I've sort of come to terms with the fact that my family doesn't see me the way I see myself, how I live my life. They just see someone who used to follow a social script that they expect me to still follow, while I don't feel like I can fit back into that mold now that I know truly who I am and want to be.
I also had a couple of trips to the hospital in the past few days because I had blood in my urine. Turns out it was just a really bad UTI, but I had a fever as a result, and the antibiotics made me quite exhausted.
I've given up on trying to chase after the potential of affection from dating apps. The people who seemed to be giving me something ended up not being available, and some others just see me as a hole. I'm not looking for any of that, so I'll just have to fly solo, with my broken ass wings.
I find myself wondering what's the point of even going through all this when I'm getting very little in return. Art hurts, my body hurts, I feel weak, tired, alienated, isolated. Even something relatively trivial like losing my keys is putting me in debt, because I barely scrape by at the end of the month, and anything I do to preserve any modicum of mental sanity, like visiting my friends that live far away, is there to bite me in the ass.
I genuinely don't know what I've done to deserve this, or what I can even do to just convince myself that there's something waiting for me at the end of the storm. I see nothing but the faintest glow of what could be a ray of sunshine, but it closes up to me the moment I get there, or it's so fleeting that it serves only to remind me how harsh the rest of the storm ahead is.
Maybe I just need some sleep, maybe I need some godly apparition to tell me it'll be alright and that I'm meant to be here. I can start with the first.
Thank you to everyone who's stuck around so far, I'm not going to vanish tonight, I'm too apathetic for that, and too worried for dumb ass shit like wondering who would take care of my snails in my absence.
Sorry for the sob story. Shit's worse somewhere else, first world problems and all that.
If you want me to skip straight to the juice, you can find the YCH here, any help would mean the world to me right now:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/60841479/
For all the others that would like to read a little update on my current situation, well, I'm afraid to report that nothing really positive is happening at the moment, other than an upcoming group exhibit.
I'm realising more and more that I've sort of come to terms with the fact that my family doesn't see me the way I see myself, how I live my life. They just see someone who used to follow a social script that they expect me to still follow, while I don't feel like I can fit back into that mold now that I know truly who I am and want to be.
I also had a couple of trips to the hospital in the past few days because I had blood in my urine. Turns out it was just a really bad UTI, but I had a fever as a result, and the antibiotics made me quite exhausted.
I've given up on trying to chase after the potential of affection from dating apps. The people who seemed to be giving me something ended up not being available, and some others just see me as a hole. I'm not looking for any of that, so I'll just have to fly solo, with my broken ass wings.
I find myself wondering what's the point of even going through all this when I'm getting very little in return. Art hurts, my body hurts, I feel weak, tired, alienated, isolated. Even something relatively trivial like losing my keys is putting me in debt, because I barely scrape by at the end of the month, and anything I do to preserve any modicum of mental sanity, like visiting my friends that live far away, is there to bite me in the ass.
I genuinely don't know what I've done to deserve this, or what I can even do to just convince myself that there's something waiting for me at the end of the storm. I see nothing but the faintest glow of what could be a ray of sunshine, but it closes up to me the moment I get there, or it's so fleeting that it serves only to remind me how harsh the rest of the storm ahead is.
Maybe I just need some sleep, maybe I need some godly apparition to tell me it'll be alright and that I'm meant to be here. I can start with the first.
Thank you to everyone who's stuck around so far, I'm not going to vanish tonight, I'm too apathetic for that, and too worried for dumb ass shit like wondering who would take care of my snails in my absence.
Sorry for the sob story. Shit's worse somewhere else, first world problems and all that.
I'm sorry to hear your family is not supporting you the way that they should.
I don't have the words to express how much I want to help you, but I fear that I will also become yet another thing that seems hopeful and then ultimately lets you down.