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A Message for Snoozey, Jouigi, and everyone else involved
6 months ago
Hello everyone.
I’m not going to make yet another post saying “hi guys sorry about that ill do better next time.” I’m going to try to be more transparent, and talk about a friend of mine I still hold in high regard, and I’m going to make sure whatever happens beyond this point is not a repeat of any of the negative loops I’ve had to go through for the past 10 years in this community. This message is only a fraction of the things I want to say to Josephine, but I want it to get through to both me and her, so both of us can strive to do better and break this cycle. This is not meant to be an apology, I will be doing that proper when I get my chance to talk to Josephine directly.
I spent the past month on a journey of self reflection. I’ve been through a lot of low lows in my lifetime, but this one had damaged me like nothing I had ever felt before. Letting go of one of my closest friends was just unthinkable and tore me apart. All of my self-worth and passion for everything had just vanished. I was scrambling for every coping mechanism I could and I just kept breaking down and crying every single night, and I honestly wanted to just disappear and start a new life knowing that I had once again made a fatal error that costed me someone dear, and while I'm still permanently hurt from all this, a glimmer of hope kept me hanging on. I learned I don't have to be someone I'm not just to make others happy, especially if it's causing more harm than good, but I should still take steps to correct the negative things about myself. I also learned a couple more valuable lessons in adapting to change, even if said changes may be mostly negative. From this I visualized a potential good and healthier long-term ending to all of this for both sides... but I'll need her help to make it a reality.
This whole thing was the end result of my long term efforts over the span of several years to help Josephine steer off a dark path she's paved for herself. The gentle, kind, and caring friend I knew from a couple years ago is just not the same person anymore. She’s let countless personal issues pile up on herself and always takes short term solutions to make them go away instead of taking steps to fix them for good, and continues to surround herself with people that enable this behavior. As you all know by now, despite my efforts, she's recently chosen yet another short-term solution that's gravely impacted others and myself, and I'm sure she'll realize the consequences of it eventually. I know most of you see her as just an honest fetish artist on the exterior, but I knew her closely as a dear friend, and I always cared deeply about helping her improve ever since the day we met. It hurts me more than anything to watch one of the kindest souls I knew in this community change for the worse like this, and I’m hoping you can all understand my pain. Seeing a friend that's clearly been exponentially struggling for years and continues to block out any forms of help from friends just made me feel powerless, and I did everything I could to defy the odds, but recently I had to accept that this just isn’t something I can help with anymore, at least not alone. I just wish I realized sooner that my way of handling all this was pushing things over the edge for her.
I’m not without my own faults and missteps. I’ve made a lot of careless and selfish decisions during my time in this community, and it’s costed me a lot of friends, both established and potential. It’s always been a bit of a learning experience for me, but one thing has eternally held true: I just want the best for everyone, and I really just want all this conflict and isolation in a community that's supposed to be inclusive to end. My biggest regret is not solving these issues about myself before it became too late. I want to do everything in my power to make things right, even if the damage has already been done. Someone like Josephine was a shining beacon to me that got my old, closed-minded self to open up on life a lot more, try new things, and just generally look at the world through a more optimistic perspective. Given how much she positively impacted me, I really just wanted to do the same for her, especially now more than ever with how much the past couple years have taken a toll on her. I've always supported her and cared immensely about her well-being, both as an artist and a friend, even if she may assume otherwise today. At this point I've learned to let go of trying to go back to the "golden days", and while I don't agree with the way she handled things recently, I've grown to at least respect the direction she's chosen for herself, and I understand that both of us were hurting from the way things were going between us. After experiencing and putting others through all this turmoil, I really just want to end this chapter properly with her, if she'll ever give me that chance.
This brings me to what happens now. I’ve done everything I can for her at this point, ashamedly to an insufferably stubborn degree, with her doubling down and being just as stubborn back, and I’m sorry to my friends and followers for having to put up with the aftermath from both ends. So now I leave everything into the threads of fate to weave things back together. We’ll take time away from each other to better ourselves on our own terms, and come back to this when the time is right, I promise that. I’m someone that believes any bond as strong as this can be repaired with enough time. She will always be a true friend to me, and I will NEVER give up on her. I was often told that I have other friends and more things in life, but not a single one of my friends is disposable to me, and I refuse to believe there’s no hope left. No matter what happens, this is not how things will truly end. While we may be far from each other right now, I still take everything she's taught me to heart, especially with what she's told me about trying to make things work when you believe there's still a chance. I only wish to do even better from here, not just for her sake, but for everyone's sake.
If you’re someone that's still close to her: Please, be a friend to her and not just a follower. Don’t be afraid to step in and disagree with her if she does something self-destructive or negatively impactful on herself or her friends. I know we all make our own decisions, but we can’t improve on anything if we have enablers keeping us from doing better. Being a true friend isn’t about just keeping someone happy in the moment, it’s about being there for them, and being willing to do whatever it takes to help them improve. I probably wouldn’t even be here right now without my friends stepping in to stop me from making critical decisions in the past. We all only have one life to live, and I intend to spend it by being the best I can be for my loved ones, close and far. If you're reading this Jo, just know that when we meet again, I'll be everything that you, me, and all of our still mutual friends wanted me to be, and I have faith we can put a close to our chapter on better terms. If you truly have no malice towards me as you say, I'll be looking forward to the day you'll prove it to me. I'll always be here for you, no matter how long it takes.
Also to everyone else, please do NOT send me any relayed messages from her, or try to talk for her. If she has anything to say to/about me, please understand that she's an adult that can talk to me directly, as a friend. I don't have her blocked on anything, and I only want to hear her honest words coming from herself, not a messenger.
Thank you.
I’m not going to make yet another post saying “hi guys sorry about that ill do better next time.” I’m going to try to be more transparent, and talk about a friend of mine I still hold in high regard, and I’m going to make sure whatever happens beyond this point is not a repeat of any of the negative loops I’ve had to go through for the past 10 years in this community. This message is only a fraction of the things I want to say to Josephine, but I want it to get through to both me and her, so both of us can strive to do better and break this cycle. This is not meant to be an apology, I will be doing that proper when I get my chance to talk to Josephine directly.
I spent the past month on a journey of self reflection. I’ve been through a lot of low lows in my lifetime, but this one had damaged me like nothing I had ever felt before. Letting go of one of my closest friends was just unthinkable and tore me apart. All of my self-worth and passion for everything had just vanished. I was scrambling for every coping mechanism I could and I just kept breaking down and crying every single night, and I honestly wanted to just disappear and start a new life knowing that I had once again made a fatal error that costed me someone dear, and while I'm still permanently hurt from all this, a glimmer of hope kept me hanging on. I learned I don't have to be someone I'm not just to make others happy, especially if it's causing more harm than good, but I should still take steps to correct the negative things about myself. I also learned a couple more valuable lessons in adapting to change, even if said changes may be mostly negative. From this I visualized a potential good and healthier long-term ending to all of this for both sides... but I'll need her help to make it a reality.
This whole thing was the end result of my long term efforts over the span of several years to help Josephine steer off a dark path she's paved for herself. The gentle, kind, and caring friend I knew from a couple years ago is just not the same person anymore. She’s let countless personal issues pile up on herself and always takes short term solutions to make them go away instead of taking steps to fix them for good, and continues to surround herself with people that enable this behavior. As you all know by now, despite my efforts, she's recently chosen yet another short-term solution that's gravely impacted others and myself, and I'm sure she'll realize the consequences of it eventually. I know most of you see her as just an honest fetish artist on the exterior, but I knew her closely as a dear friend, and I always cared deeply about helping her improve ever since the day we met. It hurts me more than anything to watch one of the kindest souls I knew in this community change for the worse like this, and I’m hoping you can all understand my pain. Seeing a friend that's clearly been exponentially struggling for years and continues to block out any forms of help from friends just made me feel powerless, and I did everything I could to defy the odds, but recently I had to accept that this just isn’t something I can help with anymore, at least not alone. I just wish I realized sooner that my way of handling all this was pushing things over the edge for her.
I’m not without my own faults and missteps. I’ve made a lot of careless and selfish decisions during my time in this community, and it’s costed me a lot of friends, both established and potential. It’s always been a bit of a learning experience for me, but one thing has eternally held true: I just want the best for everyone, and I really just want all this conflict and isolation in a community that's supposed to be inclusive to end. My biggest regret is not solving these issues about myself before it became too late. I want to do everything in my power to make things right, even if the damage has already been done. Someone like Josephine was a shining beacon to me that got my old, closed-minded self to open up on life a lot more, try new things, and just generally look at the world through a more optimistic perspective. Given how much she positively impacted me, I really just wanted to do the same for her, especially now more than ever with how much the past couple years have taken a toll on her. I've always supported her and cared immensely about her well-being, both as an artist and a friend, even if she may assume otherwise today. At this point I've learned to let go of trying to go back to the "golden days", and while I don't agree with the way she handled things recently, I've grown to at least respect the direction she's chosen for herself, and I understand that both of us were hurting from the way things were going between us. After experiencing and putting others through all this turmoil, I really just want to end this chapter properly with her, if she'll ever give me that chance.
This brings me to what happens now. I’ve done everything I can for her at this point, ashamedly to an insufferably stubborn degree, with her doubling down and being just as stubborn back, and I’m sorry to my friends and followers for having to put up with the aftermath from both ends. So now I leave everything into the threads of fate to weave things back together. We’ll take time away from each other to better ourselves on our own terms, and come back to this when the time is right, I promise that. I’m someone that believes any bond as strong as this can be repaired with enough time. She will always be a true friend to me, and I will NEVER give up on her. I was often told that I have other friends and more things in life, but not a single one of my friends is disposable to me, and I refuse to believe there’s no hope left. No matter what happens, this is not how things will truly end. While we may be far from each other right now, I still take everything she's taught me to heart, especially with what she's told me about trying to make things work when you believe there's still a chance. I only wish to do even better from here, not just for her sake, but for everyone's sake.
If you’re someone that's still close to her: Please, be a friend to her and not just a follower. Don’t be afraid to step in and disagree with her if she does something self-destructive or negatively impactful on herself or her friends. I know we all make our own decisions, but we can’t improve on anything if we have enablers keeping us from doing better. Being a true friend isn’t about just keeping someone happy in the moment, it’s about being there for them, and being willing to do whatever it takes to help them improve. I probably wouldn’t even be here right now without my friends stepping in to stop me from making critical decisions in the past. We all only have one life to live, and I intend to spend it by being the best I can be for my loved ones, close and far. If you're reading this Jo, just know that when we meet again, I'll be everything that you, me, and all of our still mutual friends wanted me to be, and I have faith we can put a close to our chapter on better terms. If you truly have no malice towards me as you say, I'll be looking forward to the day you'll prove it to me. I'll always be here for you, no matter how long it takes.
Also to everyone else, please do NOT send me any relayed messages from her, or try to talk for her. If she has anything to say to/about me, please understand that she's an adult that can talk to me directly, as a friend. I don't have her blocked on anything, and I only want to hear her honest words coming from herself, not a messenger.
Thank you.
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