Hey, all!

My last post was from February, and then I blinked, now it's May, so. Figured I'd drop a line here, let everyone know what's going on.

First of all, again I want to thank everyone for your patience in getting through my commission queue. I am working every day on getting stories out, so if you have an outstanding commission with me, you will be seeing it as quickly as possible. But I would like to give you guys a peek behind the curtain with what's been going on with me.

As you all know, about a year and a half ago, I lost my father. It was the first real loss I suffered since losing my best friend,  Connercoon, and I was there to see it happen with dad. That's something that's never really left me, and it's made it difficult. I've not slept as well because I've had nightmares about him. I also moved to a new town with two of my best friends,  silver-stag and  dracoe.mccaulley about a year ago, which was an exceptional uphill battle. Our new house flooded because a pipe burst, I got bit by a black widow and needed emergency care, and in more recent months, something else popped up.

So, I will not dwell on this over long. It's a chapter of my life I've never really confronted because in our current social climate, it's not something some groups of people have a lot of sympathy for when it happens to a guy. Back in college, I crushed on a girl and she invited me to a party. Something was slipped into my drink, and I blacked out. I woke up in her room the next morning and she mocked me for my performance in bed. I have no idea if she was serious about us doing it, or if it was her making a joke at my expense. Ever since, I've not really been able to engage in any sort of romantic relationship. It's been a mark of shame weighing on me, and I kept it to myself for years. I recently found out she passed away, and that brought all the feelings I repressed for years back up to the surface. I started by telling my mother, and some close friends. Now, I'm telling you all because, well. I am probably the most Vanilla and low-key fetish writer you'll find in the fandom. I know this. But I have been branching out into more sexually explicit material, and trying to give it my all. I would like to explore more sexually explicit themes because, one, I know it sells, and two, it's a challenge as a writer. But with this resurfacing, it sometimes makes engaging with fetish material difficult. A hell of a dilemma, given my chosen profession. I love writing for you guys, and I love it when you guys love the stuff I write- I love it when you find it hot and titillating. But sometimes this ugly shade from my past rears its head and I just stall out for a bit. This isn't to say I don't want to do sexually explicit stuff anymore, either- I want to conquer this beast. And like a lot of hard challenges in life, sometimes the only way out is to just get through it.

Now, it's not been all bad. I've done a few things I'm proud of- I've returned to the education field as a Substitute Teacher, and we'll see if I actually take a full-time job teaching again. I would prefer to remain a full-time writer, but, steady paycheck is not something to be sneezed at. I also edited a book and helped out with the book launch, something you can find here, if you don't mind a shameless plug.

Finally, on top of all this, is the issue of money. I took out a lot of loans to move, and there were a lot of expenses. I'm still scraping for money, which is why I'm still open for commissions. If you would like to throw your hat in the ring, I'd love to take more on- I hope to have my current batch done in a month or two, as I am writing every single day. So, the stress of finances, preoccupied with other projects, and some ugly things from my past boiling over- it's been a lot. And, again, no one has come yelling at me or demanding refunds or even asking where their story is. In fact, you've all been very patient with me, and I really, really appreciate that. I figured you all deserved a bit of an explanation about where I've been, is all. I've also called in help from a dear friend of mine and a very talented writer himself,  lunostophiles, to help with the editing and writing process. I'm crediting him in any commission he's helping me with, moving forward.

At any rate, I am busy with three commissions right now and hope to have them done within the week. Then, onto more, and on and on. Thus is life.

Thank you all, take care, and God bless,
-Renard