So yeah,

So much has happened and I'm still being medicated. Good thing too because two of our cats died and they were the closest ones to me. According to my theraptist I need to learn how to grieve and let it do it's thing. I was bursting in tears whenever someone mentioned my big baby Thor. It still brings a tear to my eye and my heart clenches just a bit. I thought Thor would have been with me longer and I felt guilt over not paying closer attention to him. I realize that now, we took him to the vet and he was pass saving. He was so out of it and in so much pain when they put him down. God, I'm choking up now. He passed so peacefully though. Our other cat who we called Mama had to pass naturally. We couldn't afford it, but she was okay for a long time. She let me hold her, but didn't let me syringe feed her like Thor let me. She was a feral we took in and we got her fixed and let her live with us for thirteen years. She died from old age and I held her when she was dying and died. I have more peace with her passing because she felt like she knew it was her time. She didn't act like she was in pain and still purred. I miss them both so much and crying now. I thin kI still need to grieve.They were the world to me and I hope to see them when I'm going through my own passing. It's like a nice thing to think about and to strive for in life. We've taken care of so many cats and kittens...would be nice to see them all again living happily without pain. I can only hope...