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Not worth reading. I just felt like writing something.
4 months ago
It's raining.
I'm up too late.
Feeling nostalgic for times I never had. Missing friends I've lost. I'm not in a bad mood, just a bit melancholic. I feel like writing but don't know what to write. So I'll ramble here briefly. Here, in a space I know no one.
I feel like I don't know how to make friends anymore. The older I get the fewer people I have around me that I can call a friend. I suppose that's natural but I know I'm worse than others about reaching out and saying "hi". I put up walls. I want friends, but I'm scared to make them. I keep my distance and that gap never closes. I'm good at acquaintances. I'm a good "work friend". But honest friendships... Relationships... No. I build walls and I don't let people in. Am I scared of rejection? So I never give anyone the chance? I want to change but I really don't know how. I want to be honest and open and have REAL friendships.
I feel like I've never found my tribe, you know?
It's become too easy being by myself and I don't even try to reach out to people or make new friends anymore.
I don't like labels but I know I have social anxiety. I'm fine in work settings or in a situation where there is an obvious subject to talk about or problem to solve. But when it comes to being genuinely open and one-on-one it is very difficult.
It's all good. I like myself and I like my life. This is just something that I want to change. Perhaps stating that fact in writing will cause me to make some sort of change. Tonight is just a weird night. Missing dead friends. Missing lost friendships... Missing the kind of friendships I've never had.
I'm up too late.
Feeling nostalgic for times I never had. Missing friends I've lost. I'm not in a bad mood, just a bit melancholic. I feel like writing but don't know what to write. So I'll ramble here briefly. Here, in a space I know no one.
I feel like I don't know how to make friends anymore. The older I get the fewer people I have around me that I can call a friend. I suppose that's natural but I know I'm worse than others about reaching out and saying "hi". I put up walls. I want friends, but I'm scared to make them. I keep my distance and that gap never closes. I'm good at acquaintances. I'm a good "work friend". But honest friendships... Relationships... No. I build walls and I don't let people in. Am I scared of rejection? So I never give anyone the chance? I want to change but I really don't know how. I want to be honest and open and have REAL friendships.
I feel like I've never found my tribe, you know?
It's become too easy being by myself and I don't even try to reach out to people or make new friends anymore.
I don't like labels but I know I have social anxiety. I'm fine in work settings or in a situation where there is an obvious subject to talk about or problem to solve. But when it comes to being genuinely open and one-on-one it is very difficult.
It's all good. I like myself and I like my life. This is just something that I want to change. Perhaps stating that fact in writing will cause me to make some sort of change. Tonight is just a weird night. Missing dead friends. Missing lost friendships... Missing the kind of friendships I've never had.
