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I Need To Raise Funds to Bury the Woman Who Raised Me...
3 months ago
Title says it all. The funeral is on the 12th and I need to be home in Milwaukee that week. I'm not gonna lie to you... I'm getting overwhelmed here. Just when I think I got a handle on the last crisis, another pops up. And I'm chilling. I'm taking this real well, because I can't show how I really feel in front of these kids. But believe you me I am doing everything in my power not to self destruct. Last year it was my sister, the year before it was Grandma Louise-Jean, the year before one of the two best friends I had killed himself and didn't even call me. Didn't talk to me. Didn't think he could reach out about his depression and his disease. And every year I bury someone else. Every year, this shit gets harder and I'm frankly trying not be overwhelmed.
So... I'll be working my butt off along with my team and Pandy, to raise money for this trip and keep everything from capsizing. It's always some new goddamn horror and life is like... yeah, you gotta handle it. You can't crash out, you can't fucking lose it... responsibilities bro. Figure that shit out so many people depend on you.
So... you got work for me. I'm working. You got a donation you wanna make. I can't afford pride or ego right now. Though I'm seething, cause I'm tired of being in need. And it's never in need for myself. Never the results of my own decisions or actions. I'm so fucking tired... but I got to move forward. Timing fucking insane too... right during con season where nobody got no money. In an economy that is fucking imploding... I saved. I planned. I did what they tell you to do. I did not expect back to back to back to back to back crisis happening.
Rant over... if you are so inclined to help. I would appreciate it. If you got well wishes. Offer them up.
Now to what I really want to say. My bio mother abandoned us when i was 7. She in my dad started having kids at 18 and 19 and while my dad wanted the future, the life, the hard work. She didn't want that. She abandoned her 3 kids and left to live a life of partying and lack of responsibility. She was NEVER there for me.
You know who was. My best friends mother. We called her Momzilla. Ms. Egger was at my middles school, highschool, college graduation. She treated me like her other son. She was always there when I called, when I needed her. She believed in me and encouraged me to follow my dreams. She always had great advise and made killer jam and preserves. She was the woman that raised me. Taught me to respect women. Taught me to stand straight, be more than just what my dad wanted me to be or what society expected of me. She was there when I had no mom. I talked to her on the phone often. We would talk about the Packers, politics, hell... old music. The good old days when life was easier. She was a positive influence in my life and I will miss her greatly.
So... I'll be working my butt off along with my team and Pandy, to raise money for this trip and keep everything from capsizing. It's always some new goddamn horror and life is like... yeah, you gotta handle it. You can't crash out, you can't fucking lose it... responsibilities bro. Figure that shit out so many people depend on you.
So... you got work for me. I'm working. You got a donation you wanna make. I can't afford pride or ego right now. Though I'm seething, cause I'm tired of being in need. And it's never in need for myself. Never the results of my own decisions or actions. I'm so fucking tired... but I got to move forward. Timing fucking insane too... right during con season where nobody got no money. In an economy that is fucking imploding... I saved. I planned. I did what they tell you to do. I did not expect back to back to back to back to back crisis happening.
Rant over... if you are so inclined to help. I would appreciate it. If you got well wishes. Offer them up.
Now to what I really want to say. My bio mother abandoned us when i was 7. She in my dad started having kids at 18 and 19 and while my dad wanted the future, the life, the hard work. She didn't want that. She abandoned her 3 kids and left to live a life of partying and lack of responsibility. She was NEVER there for me.
You know who was. My best friends mother. We called her Momzilla. Ms. Egger was at my middles school, highschool, college graduation. She treated me like her other son. She was always there when I called, when I needed her. She believed in me and encouraged me to follow my dreams. She always had great advise and made killer jam and preserves. She was the woman that raised me. Taught me to respect women. Taught me to stand straight, be more than just what my dad wanted me to be or what society expected of me. She was there when I had no mom. I talked to her on the phone often. We would talk about the Packers, politics, hell... old music. The good old days when life was easier. She was a positive influence in my life and I will miss her greatly.
I remember when my grandmother died. Felt like something that was permanent in this world was lost and would never come back
An my younger brother, similar boat as your friend. The feeling of unworthiness, or failure on your part because "Was I not good enough to help you?" and the feeling of betrayal
I'm thankful you're still fighting. Even if it feels like you're losing and sinking into the despair. When I was in Iraq. One of my sergeants said something that stuck with me;
"Your friends, your comrades, and your loved ones. Here in a war zone. You don't have time to mourn. Save that when you're safe. However, when you're safe. Remember this
as long as you live. So do they. Their body is gone but, their spirit lives on in your memory. Don't let them fade"
Would the donations link be the best to assist getting the travel ticket?
...I think more people outta see this, so that some more folks can be able to offer up some kind of help.
I feel for you. It sounds like hell to have lost so many close people in such a short time.
I'll note you on helping out, but I still want to give you much love and support to help you get through this. <3
I have friends and family who recently voiced concern for me because a week or two ago, I was having panic attacks and other really not fun stuff and, while I didn't start making any plans to do anything harmful, I was not far off from that point and it was really scary. Talked to some people who know more than me and they told me it's likely I have some kind of PTSD from the stuff I've been dealing with the past few years.
The point of all that being that that's also something you might be dealing with. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to DM me, though please be patient for a response. Again, please take care of yourself. It's okay to pull someone who you trust aside and tell them you're hurting and you need support.
Good luck.