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Life update. CW for heavy topic (suicide)
2 months ago
♥Commissions: Announced through discord
♥Current Workload:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1577310/
♥ Trades: Closed
♥Current Workload:
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1577310/
♥ Trades: Closed
A lot of people already know what has happened. I’ve discussed it in length in my discord server and have mentioned it briefly on my Twitter. But, I want to take some time to talk about it here since I’ve been neglecting FA for months now.
My SO of 13 years broke up with me at the start of May. This was something he wanted to do since September, so the sudden move, I assume, was part of that. I had no idea. He grew distant, ignored/cancelled my calls and I assumed he was just stressed, which in some cases he probably was. I guess I didn’t really start to suspect something until he stopped telling me that he loved me.
I won’t go any further into details about it, though. My friends know the extent of what happened and how I was treated, but out of respect to him I won’t divulge any further here. I still want him to be supported, however. That’s all I wanted was for him to succeed.
Things were going ok for a bit and we were talking normally after, but I just started noticing how much he had tried to distance himself from me. Softblocks on social media to force me to unfollow him, removing me as his friend on Steam, etc. And it just… hurt so much. I tried very hard to keep it together, but I’m in a new state, with hardly any friends, and I was essentially abandoned.
I’ve always had issues with my mental health. I’m on medication for it, but it all became too much. I tried taking my life early June because I couldn’t take it anymore. But, zhul was with me on the phone for three hours, listening and talking to me to make sure I stayed with him. I’ve been trying to cope with it since. There was a moment where I thought I was going, and I’m not sure what was scarier: the fact I thought I was dying or that I was ok with it.
I know this is all super heavy and that some people don’t really want to hear about it, but I just want to be transparent. I think that helps me in the long run, and I’ve always been the type of person to try to keep my fanbase and friends in the know when major things in my life happen. Also, just in general, mental health is something that I think should be discussed more. It’s uncomfortable to see friends or family or people you know that are struggling. I know from personal experience, not knowing what to do myself when someone I know is spiraling. But, it’s part of life.
I know I’m not perfect. I have issues that contributed to the breakup. But, I guess moving forward, I’m going to try and do my best which is all I can do. I may not be Christian anymore, but the values I was taught stuck with me. Do unto others, is the main one. I try to treat others in the same way that I wish I was treated. And sometimes, it’s not much, but it’s all I can do.
In the end, I’m still here. I hit the absolute bottom, so all I can do is crawl back up. It’s going to be slow, but I’m going to try.
My SO of 13 years broke up with me at the start of May. This was something he wanted to do since September, so the sudden move, I assume, was part of that. I had no idea. He grew distant, ignored/cancelled my calls and I assumed he was just stressed, which in some cases he probably was. I guess I didn’t really start to suspect something until he stopped telling me that he loved me.
I won’t go any further into details about it, though. My friends know the extent of what happened and how I was treated, but out of respect to him I won’t divulge any further here. I still want him to be supported, however. That’s all I wanted was for him to succeed.
Things were going ok for a bit and we were talking normally after, but I just started noticing how much he had tried to distance himself from me. Softblocks on social media to force me to unfollow him, removing me as his friend on Steam, etc. And it just… hurt so much. I tried very hard to keep it together, but I’m in a new state, with hardly any friends, and I was essentially abandoned.
I’ve always had issues with my mental health. I’m on medication for it, but it all became too much. I tried taking my life early June because I couldn’t take it anymore. But, zhul was with me on the phone for three hours, listening and talking to me to make sure I stayed with him. I’ve been trying to cope with it since. There was a moment where I thought I was going, and I’m not sure what was scarier: the fact I thought I was dying or that I was ok with it.
I know this is all super heavy and that some people don’t really want to hear about it, but I just want to be transparent. I think that helps me in the long run, and I’ve always been the type of person to try to keep my fanbase and friends in the know when major things in my life happen. Also, just in general, mental health is something that I think should be discussed more. It’s uncomfortable to see friends or family or people you know that are struggling. I know from personal experience, not knowing what to do myself when someone I know is spiraling. But, it’s part of life.
I know I’m not perfect. I have issues that contributed to the breakup. But, I guess moving forward, I’m going to try and do my best which is all I can do. I may not be Christian anymore, but the values I was taught stuck with me. Do unto others, is the main one. I try to treat others in the same way that I wish I was treated. And sometimes, it’s not much, but it’s all I can do.
In the end, I’m still here. I hit the absolute bottom, so all I can do is crawl back up. It’s going to be slow, but I’m going to try.
I can't speak for everyone but I can say for myself personally, if there's anything I can possibly do to help don't be afraid to ask! You are important!! Your presence here no matter where it might pop up for me is a joy to see. You are appreciated!! You matter!!
I can't imagine the ache you are dealing with, but I am just so happy to hear you are still with us.
<3
I think transparency, especially about mental stuff, is important. You can't help someone, or even at least offer sympathy/empathy, if you don't know what's happening to begin with. So it's good to share what you can so the people who give a damn can know.
I wish I had advice or something actually helpful to say, but I'm just some dude and I don't know a fucking thing about anything. So... all you get is my well-wishing and hope that things will improve for you, because that's the extent of my ability to change the situation for better or worse, wish it was more.
wish could do more than listen and offer support, even if not much, wish could help in some way, people love and care for you, are here for you if you need
i know i'm not great with chatting, but will be happy to lend an ear, and, although figuratively, a shoulder if needed
take care of yourself, take it easy on yourself, people out there love you and care, and are here for you
Hopefully its as you say: no where to go but up. And I hope its nothing but good for you moving forward.
Just take each day as it comes, and try to fill the days with as much happiness and joy as you can. We'll all be here to support you as you heal. <3
Just know you are loved and that the world is better with you in it.
I wish you nothing but the best.
Glad you are still here, so you can make new journeys and adventures.
I don't know what I'd do without my best friend. It may still be hard for you to believe, but you deserve kindness and to be loved. I'm genuinely sorry for everything. Looking back, what you've been put through was awful and unfair in so many ways; however, it wasn't the end--just the start of something new. It will hurt but I promise that you're never alone. It will be all right and we'll make sure of that together. I've seen everything that you've done and I'm deeply proud of you. Thank you for letting me be part of your life.