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Post ER Visit: Catastrophic Burnout & Recovery
3 months ago
Here is a follow up on things that happened after the ER visit.
So right after the visit, I had to work my newspaper job (Hellday) Tuesday/Wednesday. Still the living hell, mentally demoralizing thing I can't get out of. By the end of Wednesday I had lost much of my function and motivation in life. I knew I needed time off badly.
Thursday comes around and my toe infection is getting even worse that I called the foot clinic and they prescribed me some new antibiotics that I would have to wait until later in the day to pick up along with changing my home treatment methods. The night before I struggled to fall asleep because of the pain.
Like I mentioned in the monthly summary, I now work the first 2 1/2 hours of the bookstore most days of the week. The bookstore work itself has gotten so bad that it is comparable to "Hellday". Well then my mom calls in sick and I was stuck working the entire day by myself.
I was feeling a lot of the same symptoms I was experiencing Tuesday by the end of the day. It was just reassuring that it wasn't a heart problem.
By the time I got home, I was just completely mentally and emotionally destroyed.
I often mention its been two years since my last day off. What I don't often mention is that THAT day off was not taken by choice. It was when I hit what I refer to as "catastrophic burnout." I don't just lose motivation and drive, but I practically lose my will to live. It was not a suicide phase, but it was definitely where I just didn't care to do anything or function in society.
Between Wednesday and Thursday, I had hit that again, almost exactly 2 years to the date.
Several people tried reaching out to me Thursday evening, but I was angry, toxic, and just completely unreasonable to talk to. I went to bed hoping for July 4 I'd finally have something I could recover with.
Then, like, a miracle happen.
That night, I happened to have a dream that took place in my Clippyverse Pokemon setting. Which is a very rare sort of dream I have maybe once every 1-3 months. It was very vivid in that I was with Volvautia (the wife in the setting) and we were searching for land in the country to build a house, a big mansion, and I would have a reason to drive my Corvette Stingray back and fourth to the city. The places we were looking was comparable to the Northwest Oregon coast overlooking the ocean above cliffs.
So I woke up Friday morning, completely inspired with creativity that the first thing I did was write 1,200 words to a new short story inspired by the dream. It included a lot of sentimental thoughts to things I had been experiencing this week and even a nod to a childhood experience growing up IRL.
After that, I felt inspired thinking about the future of home ownership and like I had something to work towards again (even if in the very distant future).
Continuing, I redesigned my schedule to accommodate days off on certain days and an overall reduced work load.
Then throughout the day I worked on all sorts of projects/commission that friends had laid out to me to help me out when I was feeling down or troubled (these were already presented to me well before this week happened).
By the end of the day, I felt like a renewed person and got everything back mentally.
I'm still planning on working less from the wake up call over the whole thing this week. We'll see where it takes me.
Thank you everyone for reading and for those that reached out to me over this week!
~Eclipsis
So right after the visit, I had to work my newspaper job (Hellday) Tuesday/Wednesday. Still the living hell, mentally demoralizing thing I can't get out of. By the end of Wednesday I had lost much of my function and motivation in life. I knew I needed time off badly.
Thursday comes around and my toe infection is getting even worse that I called the foot clinic and they prescribed me some new antibiotics that I would have to wait until later in the day to pick up along with changing my home treatment methods. The night before I struggled to fall asleep because of the pain.
Like I mentioned in the monthly summary, I now work the first 2 1/2 hours of the bookstore most days of the week. The bookstore work itself has gotten so bad that it is comparable to "Hellday". Well then my mom calls in sick and I was stuck working the entire day by myself.
I was feeling a lot of the same symptoms I was experiencing Tuesday by the end of the day. It was just reassuring that it wasn't a heart problem.
By the time I got home, I was just completely mentally and emotionally destroyed.
I often mention its been two years since my last day off. What I don't often mention is that THAT day off was not taken by choice. It was when I hit what I refer to as "catastrophic burnout." I don't just lose motivation and drive, but I practically lose my will to live. It was not a suicide phase, but it was definitely where I just didn't care to do anything or function in society.
Between Wednesday and Thursday, I had hit that again, almost exactly 2 years to the date.
Several people tried reaching out to me Thursday evening, but I was angry, toxic, and just completely unreasonable to talk to. I went to bed hoping for July 4 I'd finally have something I could recover with.
Then, like, a miracle happen.
That night, I happened to have a dream that took place in my Clippyverse Pokemon setting. Which is a very rare sort of dream I have maybe once every 1-3 months. It was very vivid in that I was with Volvautia (the wife in the setting) and we were searching for land in the country to build a house, a big mansion, and I would have a reason to drive my Corvette Stingray back and fourth to the city. The places we were looking was comparable to the Northwest Oregon coast overlooking the ocean above cliffs.
So I woke up Friday morning, completely inspired with creativity that the first thing I did was write 1,200 words to a new short story inspired by the dream. It included a lot of sentimental thoughts to things I had been experiencing this week and even a nod to a childhood experience growing up IRL.
After that, I felt inspired thinking about the future of home ownership and like I had something to work towards again (even if in the very distant future).
Continuing, I redesigned my schedule to accommodate days off on certain days and an overall reduced work load.
Then throughout the day I worked on all sorts of projects/commission that friends had laid out to me to help me out when I was feeling down or troubled (these were already presented to me well before this week happened).
By the end of the day, I felt like a renewed person and got everything back mentally.
I'm still planning on working less from the wake up call over the whole thing this week. We'll see where it takes me.
Thank you everyone for reading and for those that reached out to me over this week!
~Eclipsis
Once again, remember to be good to yourself.