I posted this on my Subscribestar page, but it should be posted here too.

Hey everyone, just touching base, i'm still alive and here.

I just want to apologize for being absent, and i feel like a broken record, but after some self reflection and therapy i don't feel like it's an overstatement to say i've been through some crazy trauma over the past few years, and i just didn't process it because i've been in survival mode.

since 2018 my life has fallen into deeper rings of hell, and didn't stop till like last year, like i finally hit that bottom, and was in this mindset of like "okay it's over, i'm better now" but anyone with mental health stuff knows it's more complicated than that.

I don't feel comfortable getting into the nitty gritty of it, as it's very personal, but just know i'm managing as best i can while i continue therapy and unpack what happened over the past few years.

what really pushed me into a bad depression is just the horrid lack of compassion and humanity i've seen online over the past few months, not for me, but for other people. it's hard being empathic and watching the cruelty of others unfold day after day, like a non stop horror show that keeps going, but that's why it's important to try and be the change you want to see in the world.

There are still so many lovely people out there who need to see the compassion in others, and i've been trying to be more mindful of certain mantras in my head to help me, like be the change you want to see! or another dear to my heart is, tend to the garden you can touch (god knows i have my share of weeds in there) meaning, just try to focus on the things within your control around you.

But yeah, trying to be more mindful of my mental health so i can be around more without feeling like i'm going to drag people down, because that's a major reason i just ghost for weeks, i get so depressed i'm afraid anyone who tries to interact with me will be put off by the intense dark negative headspace i get into, or worse, i'll actually convince someone life is terrible and just not worth going on with (i'm very neurotic :U)

i'm only human, and that means i stumble, i turn into a mess of a human sometimes, and i don't want people to see me like that, but i also want you to know i'm capable of dusting myself off and getting back up, because i see others do it, and it reminds me to do it for myself and for others.

life is hard these days, so be kind, be aware people fight battles you'll never know, and if you're struggling too it's okay to seek help with whatever you're dealing with.

Thanks for sticking around even when i lose my head sometimes,
your blue crinkling kangaroo pal

-Jimmy R.