I woke up about an hour ago thinking of my father. He's probably about 70 years old right now. I can't stop thinking if I should give him one last call and tell him how I feel about him. I have never considered him as a real father. I've only seen him a handful of times, and those times have been filled with grief. He is a shattered man that had only married once and never had any real goal or motivation toward anything. He is a drunk of thirty + years that barely knows who I am. He is the reason why every time I'm around alcohol, I am extremely on edge, especially around loud drunks. It is also why I don't like the bar scene. The last time I called him he didn't know my age. I'm unsure if he even knew who I was. He sounded like he was deep in a drink. The fact is, he is my father. I only have one. And honestly? I wonder if it would cause me more pain to know that he dies without me saying how I truly feel about him.