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Re: Removed Submissions / "Soft-Retirement" of Some OCs
2 months ago
In figuring out how I wanted to streamline my presence in the community so that I'd have substantially less stress and pressure than I felt in revent years, I decided to make a decision that for a while I didn't want to make but feel is finally the right time to do it.
I have removed submissions regarding two characters I had re-introduced to FA early on in my time with this account that I've hardly done anything with on a public-facing front in a long time, to which any use new use of them would be compromised by what I consider worsening community discourse brought on by bad faith. Nicasio, a character created in 2014 and Corey, a character created in 2019, I've now "soft-retired".
I'm in a far different place emotionally and socially here than I was back when I made both characters. Nicasio was concieved as a means for me to relive my own childhood through a character who was both an idealized version of my childhood self *and* a cartoon character role-model I wish I had then. Corey is largely very similar to Nicasio in those creative intentions, but was also a way for me to deeper explore my fascination with a specific time in pop-culture I was only alive in briefly (the late-1980's/early-1990's).
I'm happy with both characters and do not feel regret or guilt for their existences as at best, they've been helpful to me with navigating how to stay reconnected with my childhood-self in the earlier parts of my adulthood. Time has progressed enough that I feel like I can do that into my adulthood in a way that's less specifically tied to created, expressional OCs and given how little I've felt the desire to do new public-facing stuff with them even if the climate of community discourse wasn't like it was...I feel it'd help me more than hinder me if I didn't have to worry about them as facets of my public-facing self here anymore.
This is a decision I've come to by myself and was not forced to make by outside forces. Though I have been (and still am) openly-against the harmful practices people do to conflate innocent people who wish to sometimes creatively express in certain ways that do not involve vunerable members of the community and hurt no one by conflating them with some of the worst crimes to be conflated with, the process of continuing to push and spotlight those stances against those who do these scorched-earth crusades as a means to protect *myself* in regards to these characters is exhausting me more than helping.
At this point in my life, I want to look ahead more rather than look back and take things on my own terms at a more moment-by-moment basis. Having much more specifically nostalgic-tinged characters were/are nice for me to express those facets when I want(ed) to, but largely I'm feeling like they're encouraging myself to firmly stick to things that aren't in-sync with me as a person now rather than before.
If you want to see them again, you have options on how. Once again, I'm not ashamed of either Nicasio or Corey. Never have I ever posted things publically revolving around them as characters that I'd be uncomfortable with posting or feel were against my moralistic standings. Nothing has been inappropriate *or* harmful in any way, just the same as I'd never want to make anything inappropriate or harmful with any characters I make.
I guess deep down, complications with how certain tides of understanding have shifted aside, I wanted to have less potential baggage here now. I'm not here to "sell myself" as a person or hobbyist creator anymore, I'm here for the people who still think time with me is worth it and as someone who from a young age has always felt connected with fatness in some form or another and until discovering this sub-community didn't know how to express these things better without judgment.
I don't want to spend whatever time I still spend around here going forward to be filled with pressure and dread on what others think of me and even just what my idle existence here "means". I don't believe it's a healthy use of energy and time for those who still have hang-ups anyway, but just thinking about this stuff and how to navigate this exhausts my energy and time too.
I'm 33. Time is as fast as ever. I can't spend as much time anymore bogged down by the external. And while these decisions aren't what I wanted for a while, they're decisions I'm doing for *my* own good rather than making others feel like I'm bowing to pressure. I owe nobody anything, nor do I owe any apologies for anything I hadn't already apologized for and tried to make amends with.
Nic and Corey are still parts of me, but no longer am I going to have to worry if me expressing via them publically on the times I do are "right" or not. And either I tire myself with increasing justifications to terrible people I don't want to waste energy on...or I make the steps to stop myself from having to. This is me making those steps for myself and *only* for myself.
Irregardless of what happens externally, I want to live life in the present. I don't want to take each passing moment for granted, therefore I need this extra energy that was wasted elsewhere.
I hope you can understand. I have more things to say about what I may do around here later, but they'll be talked about later next week. Take care, folks.
- Nell
I have removed submissions regarding two characters I had re-introduced to FA early on in my time with this account that I've hardly done anything with on a public-facing front in a long time, to which any use new use of them would be compromised by what I consider worsening community discourse brought on by bad faith. Nicasio, a character created in 2014 and Corey, a character created in 2019, I've now "soft-retired".
I'm in a far different place emotionally and socially here than I was back when I made both characters. Nicasio was concieved as a means for me to relive my own childhood through a character who was both an idealized version of my childhood self *and* a cartoon character role-model I wish I had then. Corey is largely very similar to Nicasio in those creative intentions, but was also a way for me to deeper explore my fascination with a specific time in pop-culture I was only alive in briefly (the late-1980's/early-1990's).
I'm happy with both characters and do not feel regret or guilt for their existences as at best, they've been helpful to me with navigating how to stay reconnected with my childhood-self in the earlier parts of my adulthood. Time has progressed enough that I feel like I can do that into my adulthood in a way that's less specifically tied to created, expressional OCs and given how little I've felt the desire to do new public-facing stuff with them even if the climate of community discourse wasn't like it was...I feel it'd help me more than hinder me if I didn't have to worry about them as facets of my public-facing self here anymore.
This is a decision I've come to by myself and was not forced to make by outside forces. Though I have been (and still am) openly-against the harmful practices people do to conflate innocent people who wish to sometimes creatively express in certain ways that do not involve vunerable members of the community and hurt no one by conflating them with some of the worst crimes to be conflated with, the process of continuing to push and spotlight those stances against those who do these scorched-earth crusades as a means to protect *myself* in regards to these characters is exhausting me more than helping.
At this point in my life, I want to look ahead more rather than look back and take things on my own terms at a more moment-by-moment basis. Having much more specifically nostalgic-tinged characters were/are nice for me to express those facets when I want(ed) to, but largely I'm feeling like they're encouraging myself to firmly stick to things that aren't in-sync with me as a person now rather than before.
If you want to see them again, you have options on how. Once again, I'm not ashamed of either Nicasio or Corey. Never have I ever posted things publically revolving around them as characters that I'd be uncomfortable with posting or feel were against my moralistic standings. Nothing has been inappropriate *or* harmful in any way, just the same as I'd never want to make anything inappropriate or harmful with any characters I make.
I guess deep down, complications with how certain tides of understanding have shifted aside, I wanted to have less potential baggage here now. I'm not here to "sell myself" as a person or hobbyist creator anymore, I'm here for the people who still think time with me is worth it and as someone who from a young age has always felt connected with fatness in some form or another and until discovering this sub-community didn't know how to express these things better without judgment.
I don't want to spend whatever time I still spend around here going forward to be filled with pressure and dread on what others think of me and even just what my idle existence here "means". I don't believe it's a healthy use of energy and time for those who still have hang-ups anyway, but just thinking about this stuff and how to navigate this exhausts my energy and time too.
I'm 33. Time is as fast as ever. I can't spend as much time anymore bogged down by the external. And while these decisions aren't what I wanted for a while, they're decisions I'm doing for *my* own good rather than making others feel like I'm bowing to pressure. I owe nobody anything, nor do I owe any apologies for anything I hadn't already apologized for and tried to make amends with.
Nic and Corey are still parts of me, but no longer am I going to have to worry if me expressing via them publically on the times I do are "right" or not. And either I tire myself with increasing justifications to terrible people I don't want to waste energy on...or I make the steps to stop myself from having to. This is me making those steps for myself and *only* for myself.
Irregardless of what happens externally, I want to live life in the present. I don't want to take each passing moment for granted, therefore I need this extra energy that was wasted elsewhere.
I hope you can understand. I have more things to say about what I may do around here later, but they'll be talked about later next week. Take care, folks.
- Nell
