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Thoughts of the Moment
2 months ago
I sit... alone... in my desolate room. NO LIGHTS!
Actually no, I'm ok. I have lights, plenty of stuff, and lots of good things, but sometimes when we get into a sadness spell it's like I don't really have much of what I really need. Companionship and trust knowing that I will have a support group when I'm old.
Only a few more months before I'm 40, and a lot of other people my age managed to figure out a niche or a path that helped them get somewhere. Friends and connections that makes it harder for me to know I'm gonna be ok. We're still separated by the internet and distance is impossible to cover in a timely manner.
Things I think about, certainly when you watch old media, that a boat was months to weeks of travel, and then a horse drawn carriage can take weeks over a harsh terrain of the US. Even now, as I get fatter and older, walking becomes a chore in it's own right. I guess I can blame the failure of our society on my depression to give up, but I know we've made amazing strides from the long past, and it'd be nice to get something nice and not regress to those harder times.
Which i don't want to give up at all, but I will keep creating what I do, even if people don't love it. I'm just feeling like I've had to be the only person who cares about me and I don't get the attention unless I ask or cry about it. My body hurt sometimes, and I'd love people to finish my ideas or work on my projects for me. I want to be able to have someone IRL to hold and hug and tell me I'm still good... not just business praise, but like real love.
Otherwise, things going on, some moral support from people would be loved. Do the best you guys can do obviously, being a bitch is just that, annoying bitching. I do wonder if I try and open up my discord to people again. It's been a while and most of the people who were in there are pretty quiet. It'd be a place of lurking for sure but I need to get out those who don't even want to chat or stop by to see what's up.
What I'd love the most that if you have a bluesky, >> https://bsky.app/profile/smotmae.bs......social<<; give me some love there as well. I do appreciate a lot of the love I get here, it's stayed one of the strongest communities that want to engage with me, going on... 20 years by December. I think the new staff is better than the previous ones, but you guys gotta tell me if they're not gonna be hard asses on fanart porn or anything like that. The whole Digimon and Stitch ban was really dumb. Still not sure if I'll be able to get away with Warner stuff, even Newgrounds took a few of the Yakko pics down.
Anyway... thanks for reading. You guys can always ask me stuff, it's been a long time since I said anything, so here's an update, on a day that's not the worst day in the world, just a day that feels like it's alright to talk about myself for a moment.
Actually no, I'm ok. I have lights, plenty of stuff, and lots of good things, but sometimes when we get into a sadness spell it's like I don't really have much of what I really need. Companionship and trust knowing that I will have a support group when I'm old.
Only a few more months before I'm 40, and a lot of other people my age managed to figure out a niche or a path that helped them get somewhere. Friends and connections that makes it harder for me to know I'm gonna be ok. We're still separated by the internet and distance is impossible to cover in a timely manner.
Things I think about, certainly when you watch old media, that a boat was months to weeks of travel, and then a horse drawn carriage can take weeks over a harsh terrain of the US. Even now, as I get fatter and older, walking becomes a chore in it's own right. I guess I can blame the failure of our society on my depression to give up, but I know we've made amazing strides from the long past, and it'd be nice to get something nice and not regress to those harder times.
Which i don't want to give up at all, but I will keep creating what I do, even if people don't love it. I'm just feeling like I've had to be the only person who cares about me and I don't get the attention unless I ask or cry about it. My body hurt sometimes, and I'd love people to finish my ideas or work on my projects for me. I want to be able to have someone IRL to hold and hug and tell me I'm still good... not just business praise, but like real love.
Otherwise, things going on, some moral support from people would be loved. Do the best you guys can do obviously, being a bitch is just that, annoying bitching. I do wonder if I try and open up my discord to people again. It's been a while and most of the people who were in there are pretty quiet. It'd be a place of lurking for sure but I need to get out those who don't even want to chat or stop by to see what's up.
What I'd love the most that if you have a bluesky, >> https://bsky.app/profile/smotmae.bs......social<<; give me some love there as well. I do appreciate a lot of the love I get here, it's stayed one of the strongest communities that want to engage with me, going on... 20 years by December. I think the new staff is better than the previous ones, but you guys gotta tell me if they're not gonna be hard asses on fanart porn or anything like that. The whole Digimon and Stitch ban was really dumb. Still not sure if I'll be able to get away with Warner stuff, even Newgrounds took a few of the Yakko pics down.
Anyway... thanks for reading. You guys can always ask me stuff, it's been a long time since I said anything, so here's an update, on a day that's not the worst day in the world, just a day that feels like it's alright to talk about myself for a moment.
spookyburrito
~spookyburrito
💌
