never be afraid to reach out if you need it.

That's easier said than done for someone with severe social anxiety.

yeah, that's... i can't argue with that. especially since you what it's like better than i ever will.

Awww...Well....As a person who has loved your artwork all the way back in the early to mid 2010s, your artwork does give me that special classic pokemon inflation artwork that I don't see may others replicate really well as much as you do. Heck, the ones that I got from your old telegram group (before I lost the telegram group myself), was the blueberry charizard ones that still gives me smiles and (or course) erotic feelings as well...

While I feel I may not be a burden, I can totally understand the part of not being able to belong anywhere, and having to go off on your own in order to continue making your new work, or listening to music, watching youtube videos, playing games, reading books, writing your own stories....At that end of the day, what you wish to do in your life is what you make of it.

Life, on the end of your spectrum, reflects the same feelings you have inside of you. Thus, you can always turn it around and find someone you truly trust and have a talk you know.
I was able to help three people so far with their feelings, and try to get their thoughts running, the feeling of wanting to try and be there as a comforting blanket late at night. And in return, it's made others like me that much, or even enjoy the commentary I say to them.

Either way, if you feel as if you wish to leave the community, you are free to leave at your own pace...But just remember, I like your work as much as the other people's works too.
To this very day, some of your artwork is very memorable, much like NorthWestDragon himself too....Feel free to respond to me whenever you are feeling better, alright Legend? =3

Thank you for that response. The fact you took the time to write all that really says a lot. Unfortunately for me, it feels like things like this will always go through one ear and out the other. I need to try harder to reach out to people, but my anxiety raises at the mere thought.

Your very welcome LegendTheDragon....And to be brutally honest, seeing you have this fear of anxiety towards people that you aren't able to reach out, yet you want to, mixed in with depression...I feel ya in terms of anxiety and depression. Even people I've met in real life didn't give a fuck about my well being. I could have easily committed suicide 10 years ago and not a single person in Parsippany high school would bother to reach out to my family and wonder what the heck happened to me...That's just how much disconnection I see people of today and ten years ago compared to here. And yet, people like Sheriff Arty and Mr. Wirderino I've talked to in the past, had lovely conversations, and gave them a place to vent their frustrations in peace and through DMs/PMs without the fear of getting scolded or hated on...Since April 2023 I've changed and realize that I needed to move on from my worries and focus somewhere else, but I still have a long way to go from being fully independent from a place where houses are over $100,000 and hard to afford and such.

"Unfortunately for me, it feels like things like this will always go through one ear and out the other."...Don't worry, I get that with some situations that makes it feel like some "guidance counselor" that tries to think of ideas of what you can do to solve these issues, yet you may feel scared, nervous, or anxious in terms of changing it (despite you want to badly)....I do think I should leave you with one question: "Are you going to stay anxious, nervous, and afraid towards reaching out to people due to backstabbing, drama, or hatred for the rest of your life, or are you willing to change and have to take a stance on your own hill, even if people may end up good or bad depending on who you meet?"...The idea is that only you can decide whether to change or not, we can only suggest or help comfort and talk with you about your problems and issues in your life. Again, I don't really know what truly goes through your mind sadly, but some of the things like anxiety towards a new part of life, new people you haven't met or too nervous to meet, or even depression and having to change a habit you've stuck with for a while but have to change it in order to live a better life, yeah, I'm not surprised that it feels quite scary....And in terms of trying to listen but it's just noise, I can understand why you wish to pay attention but something in your brain's causing you to lose interest a few seconds or minutes later...On my end Legend, you have no idea how much I would talk to people, or give some of them my phone number to see if they're interested in hanging out with me, only to not get a single text, call, or email back at them. And I'm not going to be able to make good friends with people at work since I see the same people repeatedly, while other ones are new mentors or children that don't know me very well. So what do I know what kind of culture we have now compared to 20 years ago...I totally get it man...It's just difficult to try and move on from something you've held on to for who knows how long.

"I need to try harder to reach out to people, but my anxiety raises at the mere thought." (Sighs)....You can try as hard as you like, but I would just simply ask is that a simple "Hello" or "Hello there, name's LegendTheDragon. How are you doing today?" type of thing. Or a simple "Hello (insert username here), What's up?". A friendly greeting to people you wish to reach out can go a long way, as well as letting them speak their mind out as much as you do on your end. From my experience with people like you, I simply take time to let you feel comfortable, and not have this unsettling feeling I could turn around and whiplash or terrify you without a head's up or at a moment's notice. You just need to take your time and start off with at least two people/two users you wish to reach out the most, and build up your confidence from there. It's not easy, I get it, but it will help get over this anxious fear of not knowing how they'll respond until it happens (Believe me, I've been there, and I will make comments on some artist's page, that somehow, without knowing it, I end up blocked without a reason, or blocked because I disturbed someone by mistake, even though I was trying to be "realistic" with the characters in the artwork type of situation (Body inflation being a good example of that). And the other thing being you just don't know how people will respond until you send the message.)
Just something to note from a person named "RipRed" that I've talked to 9 years back, and he mentioned something that has stuck with me for the rest of my life, quote:

"The great thing about being online, is that if the conversations don't work out, you can simply walk away, and not have to deal with it right then and there, and leave it as is. It is much, much harder when it happens in person and you can't escape the arguments when meeting the group face to face and in person."
In other words, it's much easier to escape arguments and talking points online, and simply walk away from it due to stress or sobbing on your end, rather then if it was in person and having to deal with it head on. But all I will say to you LegendTheDragon, It takes a long, long time to get over something that's been with you for years now. And again, the problem with you is mostly severe anxiety towards trying to reach out to new people or people you wish to talk to. My problem is mostly due to exhaustion and not much sleep, despite getting a good night sleep nearly 8 to 9 hours ago during the night. Each of us have our own vulnerable problems, it's what we decide to do that makes or breaks our soul, character, personality, mind, emotions, thoughts, and our heart.

It's okay to feel nervous or anxious at the thought of it, I'm curious as to how that actually happens if you don't mind saying it here, or in Direct/Personal messages. Again, don't force yourself to try and reach out if your mind and heart is not up to the task, but just as simply as starting with a hi and a simple conversation, can easily help out another person feel better. Again, I have trouble doing small talk because that's what I'm not used to, I'm a bit more open online than I am in person, but that depends on which conversation or topics I do know about to bring up my point of view towards other people, and hearing/seeing what they have to say on their end (as if I'm interested in listening what they have to say and either take their advice or ignore it and find someone else that speaks the same mindset as I do)....Believe me, this doesn't happen overnight, we need a place to vent and show to the others how we truly feel, with what we truly feel comfortable sharing online. Things happen if you ask me Legend, things happen. The best we can do is talk about it and feel better. And hopefully, Hopefully, you'll learn something or feel better at least when talking out like this

Again, just remember, it takes time, start off with two people that you would feel comfortable talking to the most, and start there.

I know this comment is massively lengthy, but take ALL of the time you need to read through this or some parts that stick out to you. And let people know, or those you truly trust, how you absolutely feel at the moment. And if you need time alone, do so Legend. I can always wait when you feel better, there's plenty of other things to do to keep your mind off of these negative thoughts.

Yeah talking online is usually the easiest way for me to get around anxiety. You know it's real bad when I can't even bring myself to DM someone. x.x Tbh, I think my ADHD pills are intensifying these anxieties, so I'm gonna try slowly easing off those. They don't seem to be helping that much, either, so I may need to consult my prescriber about that. I want to thank you again, for taking the time to write such a thorough response.

Absolutely...But again, taking time and starting off with one or two people you like to talk to the most, does help a lot and lessens the worry of having to respond to everyone here and there....But again, even if you can't bring yourself to DM someone, I'm sure overtime you won't feel this way in the future, and thus, you will someday be able to Direct Message someone you wish to talk to....But it takes time.

As a person who has taken Ziprasidone, Sertraline, and propranolol, I've been there man with taking meds (now with Metformin for type 2 diabetes), but for my anxiety and depression (even though one of them I thought was for Insomnia, but that was not the case). Overtime my body got too adept to use those medicines, so it wouldn't work the same way as it used to. Again, thank goodness for my dad being a pharmacist, because life would have been completely different, had I not have one of my parents be in the pharmacy side of work. So thanks to him for helping many of my family members out if you ask me. But....Dang, that's the third person I've met who also has ADD/ADHD, and for that it can really suck when having to deal with that condition....But I would definitely ask someone who gives you the medicine and let them know if it's not working for you, or at least take a smaller dosage and start to lean off of the medicine (aka not be so dependent on it, and let your body naturally get rid of it, or let it takes it course. But that's just my advice and it's best to contact those who would know your medical and physical/emotional needs.)...But again, thanks for you posting this journal, as many of us would have not known how much you're struggling here and there. But hopefully my advice and many others does help cope with these feelings, and that, when you do come back, you will be a bit better than you were today/yesterday.

No worries Legend, again, another favorite artist of all time man, it's very well deserved. Again, I'm always willing to chat here or through DMs whenever you need to. Just remember: Don't be afraid to start a DM if you wish to have another chat, even if anxieties kick in. But another thing to note....Write down or type out the moment your anxiety kicks in when you want to try to DM or respond to people, and write down what you're feeling "At That Moment". It'll help you realize what's stopping you from chatting there (DMs/PMs), or here (in the comments/journal comments)...Take it easy out there LegendTheDragon, and have a good rest of your day/night my man. <3 =D =)

🫂

I suffer from social anxiety as well and I definitely understand your struggle…. If you ever need someone to talk to, my notes are always available for chatting!

I have been in that same situation and have only recently gotten out of it. I took a long break myself and it really helped, a break long enough to forget about this and to stop feeling that others have progressed while I haven't.

You have progressed greatly and you're doing a good job.

If you need to vent, we can talk.

Thank you. I know It's been a while and I'll try to contact you when I can.

No pressure here, of course.

You’re not alone. I‘ve been feeling the same way as of late. My mental health has been taking a beating despite trying to manage it better.

I wish I could help more, but I hope things get better, and thank you for hanging in there.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a part of the furry fandom or not, but PLEASE be connected to some group, and try not to be completely isolated. It may be easier said than done, but I really don’t want you to try anything to hurt yourself.

I can relate to how you feel about having social anxiety. I had a hard time making friends when I was in high school and I later found the courage to make new friends during my senior year. You could try talking to others or try to make some new friends in the inflation community. There are people here in this fandom who care about you and love the artwork that you create. We would be sad to see you leave. The community will be here if you need anything.