honestly I think the wrong way so I've just accepted derangement, honestly feel a lot better accepting the chaos and lack of control in life. I feel genuinely great about how I act around others and how I've dealt with trauma.

I feel a sense of mental freedom. Nothing's better than being able to laugh your ass off so hard your lungs hurt after dealing with a game's bullshit.
I don't care about being sane anymore. Let's just focus on doing what WORKS. If being mentally unstable/unreliable bothers folks, then I probably wouldn't have made great friends with them. Anyways, change is normal and will always happen whether or not you want it to.

Keep a smile on your face, friends. Even if it's insanity. I think this happiness will last.

And I don't think I'm lying to myself either, I'm just... getting a lot more loose with things. Fuck strict social structures, man.