Yes, it’s a thought experiment, basically about creating the worst military in the world. There are several You Tube videos about it, and I thought it was a fun idea so I decided that I should have a go at it.

Here's the setup: The south of the border Republic of Elbonia is ruled by a strongman El Presidente who's fighting against democratic rebels. You're on his staff and tasked with supplying the armed forces. You must tread carefully, balancing the favor of El Presidente with the possibility the rebels will kill you - and avoid the stern gaze of the League of Nations and their sinister Black Autogyros.

The year . . . is 1935.

Elbonia’s geography is mostly mudflats, with mountains and jungle and a small strip of coastline. Just so you know.

The categories are Sidearm, Rifle, Artillery, Tank, Fighter, Bomber, Warship, and a Wild Card. The latter is a sort of ace in the hole to make El Presidente look cool and indirectly earn the rebels some sympathy. Again, it’s a fine line.

So, with conditions set, here we go.

Sidearm:

I chose the classic WW1 surplus Mauser C96. Yes, the iconic Broomstick Boomstick.
Upside: It looks cool. Good rate of fire and accurate.
Downside: Bitch to disassemble, and parts can be hard to come by.

Rifle:

The Federov Avtomat. Yeah, we’re going there, as El Presidente is a progressive forward-thinking man who wants to set a tone. We might not be able to buy in bulk from Stalin’s USSR, but all we need is a couple examples that we can duplicate to get Elbonia’s industrial base working.
Upside: Good rate of fire, stable and hey, it's a submachine gun - in 1935. Elbonia will be the envy of its neighbors, and one soldier throwing as much lead as five will certainly make El Presidente moist.
Downside: Hard to source the right ammunition for it (the Russians chambered it for Japanese 6.65x50mmSR Arisaka rounds), and each one is subtly different, including the magazines, so you can’t swap out.

Artillery:

Size does matter, so we’re reaching back into WW1 surplus and acquiring the Skoda 305mm howitzer.
Upside: It's fucking huge and El Presidente will need new trousers when he sees it fire. It breaks into 3 parts and can be towed by a tractor. It had a higher rate of fire than the German M-Gerat ('Big Bertha') 420mm, at 10-12 rounds an hour.
Downside: It requires a crew of 15-17, ammunition may be hard to source, and we will "forget" to buy the tractor. Besides, it’s so heavy that once it hits the mudflats it might just bog down or sink.

Tank:

We need us a good tank, so I’m going with the Vickers 6-tonne 'Light' tank Type B.
Upside: Cheap to buy, light enough to get over the mudflats. The main armament is a 47mm cannon, with one machine gun.
Downside: Obsolescent, if not totally obsolete by now. Engine tends to overheat because of poor airflow over the air-cooled engine, and Elbonia’s tropical.

Fighter:

The fighter will likely get me killed by the rebels and the League of Nations, but Elbonia's a progressive, forward-looking nation. I’ve chosen the Boeing P-26 Peashooter.
Upside: all-metal monoplane, stable platform, open cockpit and wheel spats for the cool factor.
Downside: Production started in 1932, close to obsolete by 1935.

Bomber:

Yes, we need a bomber to overawe the rebels and our neighbors. The Peashooter can carry a few bombs but we want to make a statement. You're gonna love this: The Witteman-Lewis NBL-1, also known as the Barling Bomber.
Upside: It’s huge, it’s a triplane with four engines, and it can carry 5000 pounds of bombs.
Downside: It’s so slow and underpowered it couldn't get over the Appalachians.

Warship:

Elbonia doesn’t have much access to the ocean, so just one ship should do, and again we’re going to the WW1 surplus store and acquiring the Tatra-class destroyer Cselep of the old Austro-Hungarian Navy.
Upside: It’s probably cheap. The Tatra-class weighed 850 tons, could make 32 knots thanks to its six boilers and two turbine sets, and carried two 10cm guns in its main battery, with six 66mm guns and two twin torpedo tubes.
Downside: It was built in 1912, and it's now 1935, so it’s undoubtedly lost a step. Also, considering there’s no Austro-Hungarian Navy any longer and this ship is the only remaining one of her class, you’re going to have fun obtaining parts and ammunition.

Wild Card:

This is something that can give you an edge over the rebels and your neighbors, while still avoiding getting killed by either El Presidente, the rebels, or the League of Nations.

At first, I chose two. One of those was the Waverly Death Machine. Cool name, right? There’s the cool factor and the intimidation factor all in one. The problem is that I could find exactly one reference to it, and apparently it was a British artillery system of the 1920s; only one was built, it disappeared, and no one knows exactly what it could do.

I finally set the Waverly aside in favor of the Kettering Bug. Dating back to 1917, it’s a US-designed pilotless aircraft. Yes, it was a drone or cruise missile.

Upside: Range of 75 miles, goes 50 mph, and is basically a 180-pound bomb with a simple engine, wings and a simple guidance system designed by Elmer Sperry.
Downside: At $400 a pop in 1918 dollars, it’s expensive, and let’s be honest: I don’t think Elbonia can copy the guidance system without screwing things up.

Viva Elbonia!

So, what do you think? Do I live or die?