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I don't know what to do.
4 months ago
General
I've been somewhere I don't want to be for over two years. And working a job I don't want to work for over six. My aging father routinely takes advantage of me, harasses me, and coerces me, and I tolerate it because there is no way for me to get a job that pays as much on my own. Even with that higher pay, I can barely make ends meet, and now that job is probably going away. Job hunting isn't going well. If I can't find a decent job, I'll have to move back to washington and become even more of my father's slave anyway. But again, can't afford rent there, so if something happened to him I'd be on the street.
Twelve years ago, someone I was in a relationship with for 15 years disappeared. This broke me - I've been dead ever since. I've tried to keep going, even when I lost friends, when my art got stolen, when artists fucked me over, when this website fucked me over, when my own parents fucked me over. I think you get the idea. I have nothing. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing meaningful to do. I spent the last 6 years trying to at least learn enough 2d/3d art to make up for the fact that I couldn't reliably commission art anymore. That didn't work out either. Tried college, too. Waste of time. Didn't learn anything. Don't have the money to finish. Doesn't matter.
I don't really know why I'm writing this. I'm just taking wild swings in the dark at this point. It doesn't seem like any help is coming. If I can barely get out of bed, how am I supposed to be, for example, a receptionist? That would be if I even got a job, which right now isn't happening despite daily applications and searches. And don't get me started on the AI induced job loss we're already in the midst of. I could just get replaced.
I just...Don't know what to do. There's nothing left. Therapy didn't help. Medication didn't help. Moving to get away from my dad didn't help. Nothing helps. Nothing improves. Why bother? It doesn't get better. I've tried so hard to move forward. It meant nothing. I don't have the energy to fight anymore, and I'm running out of time.
Twelve years ago, someone I was in a relationship with for 15 years disappeared. This broke me - I've been dead ever since. I've tried to keep going, even when I lost friends, when my art got stolen, when artists fucked me over, when this website fucked me over, when my own parents fucked me over. I think you get the idea. I have nothing. Nothing to look forward to. Nothing meaningful to do. I spent the last 6 years trying to at least learn enough 2d/3d art to make up for the fact that I couldn't reliably commission art anymore. That didn't work out either. Tried college, too. Waste of time. Didn't learn anything. Don't have the money to finish. Doesn't matter.
I don't really know why I'm writing this. I'm just taking wild swings in the dark at this point. It doesn't seem like any help is coming. If I can barely get out of bed, how am I supposed to be, for example, a receptionist? That would be if I even got a job, which right now isn't happening despite daily applications and searches. And don't get me started on the AI induced job loss we're already in the midst of. I could just get replaced.
I just...Don't know what to do. There's nothing left. Therapy didn't help. Medication didn't help. Moving to get away from my dad didn't help. Nothing helps. Nothing improves. Why bother? It doesn't get better. I've tried so hard to move forward. It meant nothing. I don't have the energy to fight anymore, and I'm running out of time.
