Hi there cuties. This is Surprise! the fox with a mid-year life update. I'd like to share with you some personal things I've been working on in therapy.

You might not know but I'm a person who experiences a lot of envy, specifically, towards artists and creators who are famous and successful on doing art that resembles what I do. Also, I envy people who I consider more attractive that me. Finally, I envy people who seem to have a better understanding of their own sexuality, and who live their sexual life with plenitude and fullness. Basically, I get really emotional when I find a topic that I cannot fully grasp, but others do with ease. I know this is a matter of perspective and how I value my own accomplishments, but it's quite hard for me sometimes to put a light on my personal achievements. In my mind, they occupy so little space and the things I "do not have yet" occupy A LOT of space. That's the tricky part.

I've been feeling a deep longing for a life-partner. I'm sure many of you feel the same way. A longing for someone to share life with, who will caress us softly and say words of affirmation into our ears. One must be patient to find the right someone, but lately I've been feeling desperate. Impatient. I don't know how to manage this feeling. And, on top of it, I have very high standards for any potential mate. I don't think that's bad per se, but it means that I have to be both patient and constant in the look for a boyfriend. My doctor always says that joy should come from the search, not the finding.

I have this thing where after a particularly hyped and exciting day, I get into an emotional slump and I feel down the next few days. This started to happen only recently. I know it's impossible to have only "highlight days", that there are regular days and bad days on everyone's life, but how I wish it to be only happy days. Sometimes, after a particularly joyous moment, I wish I could save my progress, exit my save file and then never play again, so that the joyous moment is the last thing that exists in my game. I'm sorry if I'm making you blue, I'm just venting out.

I believe my life is good and that I am quite privileged in regards of my possibilities. The problem comes when my mind decides to make me feel deeply dissatisfied and lonely. Do I think it is fair? No. Do I know what the cause is? Social media, my upbringing, my culture, my own perception of the world, the government, who knows? The important part here is that I am in a constant pursue of understanding my mind, being kinder to it and, through therapy and other tools, becoming a better me, not anyone else, which has always been the point.

If you reached the end of this journal, I wanna give you my most sincere thank you for valuing what I got to say. Let me know how your August is going. Do you experience envy? Dissatisfaction? Longing? if you do, how do you cope with it? Much love from this girly fox. 🩷