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Fuck you! I'm an introvert! ;)
16 years ago
I had a big revelation yesterday.
I'm an introvert.
Okay. I know that doesn't seem like it should be a revelation, but it is. Jaelyn pointed me at an article about it. And it really made a bunch of things snap into place for me.
It's not that I'm surprised that I'm an introvert. I knew that, really. What I didn't understand is what being an introvert really means.
Like many people, I've seen shyness and introversion as being the same thing. They are not. Shyness is being anxious and frightened about social situations. A shy person wants to interact with other people, but is unable to do so out of fear. An introvert, on the other hand, can enjoy interacting with other people, but finds it tiring to do so.
I did also suffer from shyness before. And I feel I have largely overcome that. I thought that my introverted behaviors would also cease when I got over it, but they did not. I have felt like a failure for it. I've felt like I should be able to change. In fact, I've spent most of my life trying to change myself into an extrovert.
But being an introvert is like being gay or left handed. It's not a choice. It's not an aberration. It's not a disease. It's not something that needs to be cured. It's an orientation. And it's just as healthy as being extroverted.
But you wouldn't think so by the way introverts tend to be treated.
The book of human etiquette was written by extroverts. And introverted behaviors tend to be seen as rude and abnormal. Extroverts tend to be mystified by introverts much the same way heterosexuals tend to be mystified by homosexuals. It's generally felt that an introverted person 'just needs to get out more, and they'll get over it'. And that works about as well as sending a gay kid to one of those camps to 'straighten him out'.
It's really empowering to me right now to realize this. Because I've felt so bad about the way that I am so much of my life. I've tried so hard... so uselessly... to change into what I'm 'supposed to be'.
Being an introvert is not the same as being anti-social. It doesn't mean you have bad social skills. It doesn't mean you hate being around other people. It doesn't mean anything bad at all. It's just different.
The big crux of it is that extroverted people are energized by spending time with other people and tend to wilt or fade when alone. Whereas introverted people are energized by spending time alone, and tend to get exhausted if they have too much time with other people.
Introverted people can have very good social skills and be very likable. It's not about that.
It's about whether you draw your energy from within or from outside yourself. Like being warm blooded or cold blooded. It's kindof an especially good analogy because most people think of being warm blooded as more generally useful and adaptable. But, in fact, cold blooded critters are capable of many feats and living in many environments that warm blooded critters can't handle. And vice versa. Which is better depends on the task at hand.
Extroverts tend to struggle with tasks and occupations that introverts handle readily. And vice versa.
I guess in short... right now I'm feeling like... it's okay to be me.
It's a good feeling.
I'm an introvert.
Okay. I know that doesn't seem like it should be a revelation, but it is. Jaelyn pointed me at an article about it. And it really made a bunch of things snap into place for me.
It's not that I'm surprised that I'm an introvert. I knew that, really. What I didn't understand is what being an introvert really means.
Like many people, I've seen shyness and introversion as being the same thing. They are not. Shyness is being anxious and frightened about social situations. A shy person wants to interact with other people, but is unable to do so out of fear. An introvert, on the other hand, can enjoy interacting with other people, but finds it tiring to do so.
I did also suffer from shyness before. And I feel I have largely overcome that. I thought that my introverted behaviors would also cease when I got over it, but they did not. I have felt like a failure for it. I've felt like I should be able to change. In fact, I've spent most of my life trying to change myself into an extrovert.
But being an introvert is like being gay or left handed. It's not a choice. It's not an aberration. It's not a disease. It's not something that needs to be cured. It's an orientation. And it's just as healthy as being extroverted.
But you wouldn't think so by the way introverts tend to be treated.
The book of human etiquette was written by extroverts. And introverted behaviors tend to be seen as rude and abnormal. Extroverts tend to be mystified by introverts much the same way heterosexuals tend to be mystified by homosexuals. It's generally felt that an introverted person 'just needs to get out more, and they'll get over it'. And that works about as well as sending a gay kid to one of those camps to 'straighten him out'.
It's really empowering to me right now to realize this. Because I've felt so bad about the way that I am so much of my life. I've tried so hard... so uselessly... to change into what I'm 'supposed to be'.
Being an introvert is not the same as being anti-social. It doesn't mean you have bad social skills. It doesn't mean you hate being around other people. It doesn't mean anything bad at all. It's just different.
The big crux of it is that extroverted people are energized by spending time with other people and tend to wilt or fade when alone. Whereas introverted people are energized by spending time alone, and tend to get exhausted if they have too much time with other people.
Introverted people can have very good social skills and be very likable. It's not about that.
It's about whether you draw your energy from within or from outside yourself. Like being warm blooded or cold blooded. It's kindof an especially good analogy because most people think of being warm blooded as more generally useful and adaptable. But, in fact, cold blooded critters are capable of many feats and living in many environments that warm blooded critters can't handle. And vice versa. Which is better depends on the task at hand.
Extroverts tend to struggle with tasks and occupations that introverts handle readily. And vice versa.
I guess in short... right now I'm feeling like... it's okay to be me.
It's a good feeling.
I like people, just not all focusing on me at once, and not for extended periods. My favorite spot at a party is along the side reading a book and basking in the radiant socializing.
Horray for being okay with being you. I can't think of anything non-corny to say to that, and a cheerful thumbsup doesn't translate well through text. So... "Yeah!"
This is also pretty helpful to know, because I now know that I'm mostly shy as opposed to being a total introvert. I know this because I *love* hanging out with people, but I'm very shy (anxious) when it comes to meeting new people on my own, or walking into a huge room full of random people that I don't know. I don't think I'm a complete extrovert though, because I'm pretty quiet usually, especially around people I don't know. Plus, I spend most of my free time by myself. Well, free time when I'm not out somewhere or with other people, that is. However, if I'm alone for too much (like during the semester I just finished), I'll start getting depressed and I'll start sleeping a lot. In fact, during this winter break, I've been trying really badly to get out of my house and hang out with my friends, I barely ever get to see them when I'm at college. :S So I guess there are things about me that are introverted qualities, and some that are extroverted. I suppose, also like hetero/homosexuality, that it's not black and white, but rather there are several steps in between.
Funny, when I first took a personality test thing in highschool, I came out as ENTP, which they called "the tinkerer". I kinda like that. :P
I also work better solo than I do in "group" projects. It doesn't mean I don't work well with a group, but it means that if the group keeps stepping on each others' toes I will get frustrated.
Great journal here! :)
From one introvert to another, a hearty congratulations for cracking the code. :)
INTP here, and that seems to be the most consistent result I get from those tests. Very middle of the road in the extrovert/introvert range. It can be confusing when the introvert part of me is out in a crowd of folks used to me being extro...
It's a matter of whether you are energized by being around other people or by spending time alone.
I love being with my friends. I love being at con. But... I also find it tiring. I need to spend time 'resting' alone to recharge afterward.
I liken it to when I go to competition events. I _LOVE_ doing it. I _LOVE_ racing my Corvette. It's a total blast. Buuut... it's also very stressful and taxing. At the end of an event, I'm also happy to have it over with and relax at home. That it tired me out doesn't mean I didn't love it. I just couldn't imagine doing it every single day without taking breaks to recover.
I'm lucky in that I never beat myself up for being introverted, or if I did it was only when I was fairly young... It does suck in that you don't get to practice those social skills much, which makes you come off not as qualified in interviews, or it might make people feel snubbed or a host of other problems... The one thing I do beat myself up over a little is when people try to be friendly toward me and I don't reciprocate and they feel bad... It doesn't mean I don't like them. I have yet to find a solution to that problem other than interacting with as few people as possible so that fewer feel slighted, which is really just limiting the damage rather than solving it.
I just find that all I really want to do is get productive stuff done (programming, job, etc), or relax with my Mate (TV, trips, etc), and every other kind of socializing just holds little enjoyment for me (except maybe movies/games where banter isn't the focus). I'm not afraid of it, or shy about it... I'm also not good at it, but I have little will to improve the skill because I don't enjoy doing it. In almost every case I'd much rather be doing something else and I always feel I've got way too much to do to be trying to practice social skills I don't enjoy. Unfortunately, a lot of people get offended by that attitude and take it personally. =I
Yeah, the fear of social situations is still there for me, too- and I HATE it. I know that I'm brighter than most of the people I encounter, but I always feel like the klutzy, know-nothing, never-been-anywhere-interesting fuck-up who is just stumbling her way through life while they skate along gracefully (and seemingly without visible effort. Grrr), making powerful "friends", making the money I know I deserve just as much as they do, if not more, since I work just as hard... Jealousy is a wasteful emotion, and I'd much rather be doing something useful, too- like my art.
But, the social skills are useful, and avoiding social situations just because you don't prefer them is only avoiding the problem, not solving it. I know you're usually more practical than that, but I can understand how you might want to just turn your back on all the superficial garbage most people call a "life". That's the only reason, now, that I might encourage you to try new situations socially, like dragging your tail off to conventions. That, and I keep hoping you'll have some fun at them, 'cuz I don't want to give them up. I've had my fill of being a total recluse, something I did for two decades (all too easy in a boring town like Winnipeg where nothing I find interesting goes on), and would like to get out more to hang with Fur-folk, artists and your parents. Yeah, weird, I know: I actually LIKE my In-Laws! >^__^<
I'm not a very good introvert, am I? *giggle*
Then I feel a bit depressed because I still want to be around, but just don't feel up to it anymore, and my mind goes blank. ^_^;
I hope to get over the shyness someday, but at least when I'm around people I already know well, that part isn't an issue .