Well it’s that time again, birthday countdown has begun. But I don’t even see the point in celebrating anymore ..every year I make my wish list and that’s what pretty much is .. a list of wishes…I usually make 2 lists a nice and naughty list but this year I getting depressed early while doing it. The few things I want either to expensive or requires friends to do stuff with (like board games and such.) and even some of the expensive stuff requires the time and energy to use them …and all I do now is work…I work two jobs the teaching one and wait tables /bartending . Well I did bartend it’s been almost a month since I’ve gotten to. I end up working cashier. But that’s all my life is. I get Sunday off and that’s usually helping clean house. Most the money has been going toward just survival beyond the bills. Been able to repair my car, fix up daughters bed room because of it. I’ve looked for other jobs but nothing here in this godforsaken shit hole of a place.
But if stuff is not expensive usually requires others like board games and dnd ect which I used to play and love to play but all my friends that played with are gone. There trips I want to go on and see folks but that’s not happening and no one bothers to come here.
Would love to get art or stories but money goes to other things. I can’t do bday art for myself anymore. I get depressed and sad from it and I have to stop. Same with stories.
It’s just I build things up in my head that this year going to be great and it’s always a disappointment. I get to work both jobs on my birthday.
You try hard to make other bday nice but it’s rarely returned. It’s getting to the point where I don’t even want to do wam related stuff in rl since it’s only me. My wife doesn’t enjoy it so I quit bothering asking to do that with her. Mud is getting harder to find. And I only get so much time at the river. I’ve dreamed of going to the crc mud pit but that’s in another reality in another life that doesn’t exist. Being the birthday bitch that you see in art or stories just doesn’t happen.
Birthday is on the 12… I turn 41… whoopty freaking do*goes back under cover*