FA+
Shop
Heavy
a month ago
Been a while since I wrote an actual journal on here. Im back as these FA journals always seem like a place I can place my thoughts and maybe get some feedback.
Today I had a loose friend admit to me they've given up and have made plans to end their life. Nothing has happened as of writing this, but I'm rattled, scared, and panicked. This person always has that "dont get close to me, im not worth it" attitude that after a while, I just do my best to lift them up from time to time. A mask to me that while things are bad, you can kind of take the piss out of it to lighten things up. That or they just didnt seem too bothered by it to me. I guess that was wrong. As they showed me the note they have for everyone when they decide to do it. Now this relationship with them is online and so to call a wellness check on them is, to me, not possible, AFAIK.
When I learned of this I tried my best to talk them out of such plans. "Dont give up. Please just give it more time. I'll do my best to help you". Caling back to this person's attitude, they stonewalled me and dismissed every attempt of mine to eventually stop talking to me. I discussed the situation with a mutual friend and we talked options. Were both scared and not sure how to proceed. If things progress and I can get the right information, I said I'd call a wellness check on them, damn the repercussions.
I've never had to deal with a situation like this. Like my only idea is that I need to see a counselor myself now. Im not fully sure what to do or fully how to feel other then this looming dread. So, im writing this as it hopefully doesn't reach the person in question and I can air my thoughts to some feedback.
Im just not sure on what to do, and that is scaring me.
Today I had a loose friend admit to me they've given up and have made plans to end their life. Nothing has happened as of writing this, but I'm rattled, scared, and panicked. This person always has that "dont get close to me, im not worth it" attitude that after a while, I just do my best to lift them up from time to time. A mask to me that while things are bad, you can kind of take the piss out of it to lighten things up. That or they just didnt seem too bothered by it to me. I guess that was wrong. As they showed me the note they have for everyone when they decide to do it. Now this relationship with them is online and so to call a wellness check on them is, to me, not possible, AFAIK.
When I learned of this I tried my best to talk them out of such plans. "Dont give up. Please just give it more time. I'll do my best to help you". Caling back to this person's attitude, they stonewalled me and dismissed every attempt of mine to eventually stop talking to me. I discussed the situation with a mutual friend and we talked options. Were both scared and not sure how to proceed. If things progress and I can get the right information, I said I'd call a wellness check on them, damn the repercussions.
I've never had to deal with a situation like this. Like my only idea is that I need to see a counselor myself now. Im not fully sure what to do or fully how to feel other then this looming dread. So, im writing this as it hopefully doesn't reach the person in question and I can air my thoughts to some feedback.
Im just not sure on what to do, and that is scaring me.
cooperate with who you can and act fast
You are (I'm assuming, correct me if I'm wrong) not trained to handle crises. I completely empathize with wanting to help your friend, but if they have reached the point in their crisis where they are handing out notes and stonewalling your efforts, this is the point where professionals need to intervene.
And don't get me wrong, that is scary. I have been in that crisis and I have sought out that help, and it is terrifying to risk giving up autonomy to receive help. And on the outside, watching your friend destroy themselves can make you feel just as helpless. I understand. It's ok to feel that way.
So I'd like to point out two things:
1) You are correct in that you should call for a wellness check, given the circumstances. Do you have any leads to their address or name, or someone who may know them irl?
2) If you do not have any of this information, you will need to step back and think about what you can do. By that I mean: do you have the bandwidth to keep reaching out? To support them when they get in contact again? The best form of support can be encouraging them to seek professional help.
I'm notsaying to just give up, but remember that you said you are rattled, scared, and panicked. This is very clearly something that is affecting you as well. And the more you ruminate on the idea that your friend may have been harmed, the more you will panic and spiral, and it will just affect your well-being while not pushing you to any action.
I do encourage you to speak to a counselor and process these emotions, and they may be able to offer professional advice and guidance for navigating this kind of situation. I want to jsut tack on the disclaimer that I am not a mental health professional, just someone who has both suffered from extreme ideation and supported someone else who has as well.