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A pressure
3 days ago
This is just a bit of a ramble...feel free to ignore.
Here, I am me. Folk here know my deepest shames, it's odd really and a bit backwards to most places I am, in that here, I show and interact and connect through the things I mostly hide from the vanilla world. I know the kinky and quirky and build relationships around folk knowing this stuff about me first and eventually if enough trust is built between the parties finally I know someones real name, but in the vanilla world we start with someones real name and work all the way down and if we trust someone enough we reveal this stuff.
This place is a safe haven for me, ive been able to talk about my asexuality here and my relationship with my gender etc in a way I don't really talk in the real world about it, aside from in my therapy class which I was using to test waters about talking about this stuff with folk who weren't kinky.
My class is over now, it finished in July, (though, annoyingly, Ive still not qualified but thats for a different journal) and with the way the world has been getting more aggressive around differences I have felt a stronger and stronger pressure to stand up and be counted I guess.
I have facebook. I HATE facebook with a passion. BUt it seems to be the only way my family communicates and quite a few of them are quite vocal about where minorities of all types should go. I generally call them out on their BS but I also think some of them are that blinded by misplaced anger or whatever is driving their assumptions about LGBT+ ideas because they dont realise that they know folk under the umbrella.
SO I'm thinking about just telling everyone on my facebook about me being non-binary and asexual, because i've used my privilege as someone who is married to a man to look just like a straight cis couple, thats peoples assumptions about us and it means we're invisible we blend into the norm and I'm feeling more and more disgusted by that. Years ago when my previous engagement to a woman ended and Daddy was then on the scene, my folks thought of him as some golden child who had turned their daughter ungay...I never corrected them on that assumption and I've always regretted that, and feel like I need to fix that, now feels important.
I spoke to Daddy a lot about this and he supports me saying stuff because obviously this affects him too,
I'm not sure why there's this pressure to do it now, maybe because being here and being open about this, and being in my therapy class and being open about it, feels like this is just the next natural step, or maybe because the divide between the two sides is getting wider and I can't really sit on the fence anymore?
Here, I am me. Folk here know my deepest shames, it's odd really and a bit backwards to most places I am, in that here, I show and interact and connect through the things I mostly hide from the vanilla world. I know the kinky and quirky and build relationships around folk knowing this stuff about me first and eventually if enough trust is built between the parties finally I know someones real name, but in the vanilla world we start with someones real name and work all the way down and if we trust someone enough we reveal this stuff.
This place is a safe haven for me, ive been able to talk about my asexuality here and my relationship with my gender etc in a way I don't really talk in the real world about it, aside from in my therapy class which I was using to test waters about talking about this stuff with folk who weren't kinky.
My class is over now, it finished in July, (though, annoyingly, Ive still not qualified but thats for a different journal) and with the way the world has been getting more aggressive around differences I have felt a stronger and stronger pressure to stand up and be counted I guess.
I have facebook. I HATE facebook with a passion. BUt it seems to be the only way my family communicates and quite a few of them are quite vocal about where minorities of all types should go. I generally call them out on their BS but I also think some of them are that blinded by misplaced anger or whatever is driving their assumptions about LGBT+ ideas because they dont realise that they know folk under the umbrella.
SO I'm thinking about just telling everyone on my facebook about me being non-binary and asexual, because i've used my privilege as someone who is married to a man to look just like a straight cis couple, thats peoples assumptions about us and it means we're invisible we blend into the norm and I'm feeling more and more disgusted by that. Years ago when my previous engagement to a woman ended and Daddy was then on the scene, my folks thought of him as some golden child who had turned their daughter ungay...I never corrected them on that assumption and I've always regretted that, and feel like I need to fix that, now feels important.
I spoke to Daddy a lot about this and he supports me saying stuff because obviously this affects him too,
I'm not sure why there's this pressure to do it now, maybe because being here and being open about this, and being in my therapy class and being open about it, feels like this is just the next natural step, or maybe because the divide between the two sides is getting wider and I can't really sit on the fence anymore?
Whatever the reason behind your choice, I wish you all the good things. And may your family members grow to be better with this newfound knowledge. <3
Its so nice to find spaces where you can explore being your true self, being able to let most of those guards down. Being strong enough yourself to advocate for yourself and others and expand those spaces is a great thing.
i hope the best for you <3
So in spite(And probably because) of the fact I'm a tad on the extreme side with it, I always encourage others to speak up and to be themselves as much as possible! Life is so, so finite and we only get one singular shot to be ourselves as much as possible and it feels unbearably tragic to waste it appeasing people that don't even understand what they're disliking. If it also serves the greater good by making it harder to misunderstand subcultures? That's a bonus! :3
In summation, I fully support this decision and I'm behind you one hundred and forty-two percent.
I'm asexual myself. My mom knows this, but she still thinks "I haven't met the right one."
and she always says "You should get a wife."
She knows I have no interest in sexual relationships and yet continues to push.
I'm glad that you posted this. It lets me know I'm not alone in the vast world we find ourselves in.
I wish you the best Star. ♥
I'm slowly letting out who I'm really am after so many years of masking it. I've been aiming for a 'take it or leave it' mentality.
As for everyone on facebook, know that going in you may not change anyone's mind. But let the focus be to at least convince only one person to empathize and make an attempt to understand the other side. End of the day, least in my mind, folks just refuse to take the time to understand something they don't know and just vilify it as it's easier to do that then to understand it.
I have a ton of unresolved … whatever you want to call it; my childhood suuuucked. I bawled like a baby when I watched Sleepytime. I haven’t watched it again, lol. There are doors and dusty old memories that creep up, that I’m about to have to grapple with, I fear. That said, I’m not in a position to have to walk away right now. Later? Who knows🤷🏻
I apologize if I ramble here, #ADHD4lyfe, yo.
These are some things I have figured out that have helped me. Maybe they can help you too
Over the last …. well, let’s just leave it at decade 😅 (really mooore) I have had to learn and operate with the knowledge that some people in my life are only capable of communicating/ acting at [insert level here], whatever it is.
Example: ( YOU is anyone, not you specifically)
Uncle Neil complains about his aches, has a bit of a superiority complex and bitches about politics now, but you Love him; he and his family helped raise you in some really rough times. That said, politics are SO partisan, not even talking about that, and the old goat isn’t nearly as smart as he thinks he is, lol. It helps to remember and find little points of commonality, things you both enjoyed, and keep communications at a level you both are comfortable with.
He’s not capable of seeing outside of his “box”, you could burn down everything if you tell him what you REALLY feel, or who you REALLY voted for. if you want him in your life, you have to tailor your approach to make it a time you BOTH can enjoy, or what’s the point.
I have learned Internal tools like, setting limits on topics, only communicating by text/ limiting phone calls, recognizing when things are turning off, and excusing yourself from a personal visit (it’s totally ok to leave early)
There’s no way in the universe my immediate family could get their heads around ANY of…… *waves hands around* … this. If I still want them in my life, it’s on me to manage.
Being an only child, ADHD from day 1, and a host of other stuff, I can count my closest friends on 1 hand. Maybe an extra finger or two. We are all humans under our shocking personal, political, religious, or other choices. These things don’t totally define us. I have to consider my IRL life beyond these areas. Certain declarations would be like cutting a tree down that I liked to climb.
But this is me, your choices and successes will vary.
It took eons for most of my family to accept my older Brother was in a gay relationship, some were openly hostile, other playing a pretendy game of mentally re-framing it into something they're okay with which made for interesting parties cos I knew he was and he'd introduce himself and his partner to friend but family, well that was another thing!!!!
Mine have accepted the little side with me - not pushing it hard at them but just being more myself regardless - my late Nan did on her deathbed, accept my asexual side.
I hear you when it comes to the state of politics although we're from differing directions cos it seems to me no one is listening to, making an attempt to understand each other and from that talk issues through. And it's not just on one side.
If we want tolerance then we we all need to find it rather than shutting down debate, getting people fired for just disagreeing with our views or even supporting violence up to and including death however repulsive we may find some peoples views (and some of late have been to be sure).
Hugs.
All this to say glad you come to a decision on letting more people know the full you. (within reason of course) You continue to show me strength I should also strive for.
As an asexual myself, I found 3 type of reaction in other
- no sexual relationship at all : you just need to try it with someone else/in a different way
- no sexual need but doing sexual stuff to make the SO feel happy as it also make me happy:
- you just put yourself in the lgbt to feel important, you think people that have sex enjoy it every time ?
- wait so you accept to get raped by them? We need to get you out of there until you find someone better (family intervention suck ass)
Basically i found out that the lack of representation currently make it dangerous to be one, and I selfishly choose to not be part of it anymore.
If people ask me I'm a single cis that won't want children, and if we date a lot I'll tell you that I won't have sex but I'm ok using a strapping if it make you happy.
You are free to choose how you share that information, but don't make it a burden bases on your internet popularity, would be my 2 Sent