I don’t think there should be an awkward silence for someone who’s clearly in pain like this. I might as well speak up here, even though I can easily contact through discord(and have).

I’m not going to give a bunch of excuses as to why I haven’t been as active as I used to be with you these last few years. I have been a bad friend, I know this because even though I have more free time than ever as of late, I instead use that free time rotting my brain away on a never ending buffet of Youtube videos. You’d think I’d enjoy all those videos, but nah, I honestly feel pretty terrible in the head after a long day of just sitting back and listening/watching vids.

I need to try poke you more often, might even be for my own good honestly. If I do forget, or I get stuck in my own head, give me a poke here and there, I won’t ghost you, would be dumb of me to given how vocal I’ve been about it in conversations with you in the past. I’m just semi reclusive by nature, and takes a bit out of me to poke others now and then(drives up my anxiety immensely when I poke peeps, thinking it's just going to end up as another instance of ghosting).

I don’t want to mention the thing I usually mention though, I don’t want it to feel like that’s why I poke you, I don’t want you to feel like I’m poking you out of obligation because of it. I just hope that you’ll trust that my interest in you is genuine.

I appreciate you being you.

You have done literally NOTHING wrong.

I'm sorry I've been silent myself. Just messaged you on Discord if you'd like to take your mind off your troubles.

nothing you have written is something a person should ever feel sorry for
its part of life
and you are amazing just for being to begin with

I’m sorry to hear you’re having a hard time :(