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Sense of belonging
5 days ago
Classified info. For D.E squad members only.
I don't know why I'm writing this. I keep my personal thoughts and ideas to myself, but as I'm working on my art at the moment, I had a strange conversation in my brain with a non existent person, based on my entire life's experiences.
I noticed that people always seem to share the same interests and ideas within different social groups. It's almost the norm. People seem to be in sync with each other and it's something I never understood. It's weird because I never feel like I fit in. I've always been ignored and cast aside, whether it's instant, or as time goes by. And this is not saying that I'm depressed and lonely, no. People stress me out and I am at peace when I am isolated.
I don't know... I just find it exhausting when people interact with me. They always seem to have something to say or share in regards of their beliefs and interest. And they do it with so much enthusiasm, as if unable to comprehend that the passion they are feeling is not shared by the person listening and has zero meaning to them. It's almost like a sever lack of self-awareness. Having to fake interest is something I have learned through the years, as to be nice and not make the other person ignored or rejected. As a courtesy, per say. But it is exhausting. Masking is exhausting.
And the thing is, it's not reciprocal. The moment I let my insecurity aside and share my interest, they are almost 100% ignored, or seen with skepticism. It's like I am an amalgamation of various interests that have zero relation. And even if I find a group or individual who might have an interest in common, it's almost as if they are following a set of unspoken rules of how to correctly talk about, or be a part of said interest. So I'm again, most often than not found with a raised eyebrow or downright rejection. Even within those who share those interests.
I can give many examples. But things like hobbies, included but not limited to: music, cars, video games, art styles, world building, writing, character development, etc. But it also extends to life views, such as politics, human society, social norms, and such. No matter what side I'm on, there is always scrutiny or rejection when expectations are not met.
I try to leave descriptions to the minimum nowadays. Empty profile descriptions and such. I have a bad habit to over-explain, or over-share everything, and I noticed it just makes things worse. Just for the sake of harmony, I don't contradict anyone leaving comments on my art, and just let them interpret my characters and my world however they want, even if a lot of times, they get it wrong or comments are downright creepy.
I don't even know why I'm ranting. I might delete this later. It's just that humans are so predictable, boring, scary and downright exhausting to deal with. And I don't say this as some normie that claims the same ("yeah, I totally get you... lol") , yet they have their group of friends, a social life, significant others and such. No, you don't get it...
I noticed that people always seem to share the same interests and ideas within different social groups. It's almost the norm. People seem to be in sync with each other and it's something I never understood. It's weird because I never feel like I fit in. I've always been ignored and cast aside, whether it's instant, or as time goes by. And this is not saying that I'm depressed and lonely, no. People stress me out and I am at peace when I am isolated.
I don't know... I just find it exhausting when people interact with me. They always seem to have something to say or share in regards of their beliefs and interest. And they do it with so much enthusiasm, as if unable to comprehend that the passion they are feeling is not shared by the person listening and has zero meaning to them. It's almost like a sever lack of self-awareness. Having to fake interest is something I have learned through the years, as to be nice and not make the other person ignored or rejected. As a courtesy, per say. But it is exhausting. Masking is exhausting.
And the thing is, it's not reciprocal. The moment I let my insecurity aside and share my interest, they are almost 100% ignored, or seen with skepticism. It's like I am an amalgamation of various interests that have zero relation. And even if I find a group or individual who might have an interest in common, it's almost as if they are following a set of unspoken rules of how to correctly talk about, or be a part of said interest. So I'm again, most often than not found with a raised eyebrow or downright rejection. Even within those who share those interests.
I can give many examples. But things like hobbies, included but not limited to: music, cars, video games, art styles, world building, writing, character development, etc. But it also extends to life views, such as politics, human society, social norms, and such. No matter what side I'm on, there is always scrutiny or rejection when expectations are not met.
I try to leave descriptions to the minimum nowadays. Empty profile descriptions and such. I have a bad habit to over-explain, or over-share everything, and I noticed it just makes things worse. Just for the sake of harmony, I don't contradict anyone leaving comments on my art, and just let them interpret my characters and my world however they want, even if a lot of times, they get it wrong or comments are downright creepy.
I don't even know why I'm ranting. I might delete this later. It's just that humans are so predictable, boring, scary and downright exhausting to deal with. And I don't say this as some normie that claims the same ("yeah, I totally get you... lol") , yet they have their group of friends, a social life, significant others and such. No, you don't get it...
Honestly, I'm with you there in a lot of ways. I gave up on group chats and stuff for that reason years ago. I used to get suggestions to make my own chats and stuff, but i know that if i do, it will just end up being the same thing but in a space i created, so i can't just leave once i get fed up with it. Never could really find a solution or a middle ground so personally i've just stuck to not joining any chats and if someone dms me once in a blue moon, cool and doesn't last long, otherwise im just doing my own things by myself
I tried more than once, and have been met with dismissal. It always ends up that way. And I tried to get into the stuff they liked, but it ended up burning me out mentally.
And yeah, that's how it ended up for me. Just mind my own business, doing the things I like, the way I like, by myself.
Sorry about short message, a touch busy but I want to help ya if you need!~
I know when we converse I try to probe and find a common topic to discuss, and try to not prolong it when I see that the fatigue is settling in. I try to keep an open mind with various topics and perspectives, as everyone's got a different lived experience and I want to share a fragment of it.