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Art whining
2 months ago
Hey everyone, here's a little art vent cause I feel like some of you will get it.
I have lost the habit of geeking out on a drawing for hours. Lost the passion I feel like. Don't even know what I like at this point even.
Since I went on a journey to become a professional artist, art feels like a performance now, constantly having to prove that I'm worth it. Putting so many barrers that it stops me from doing anything and having motivation.
Art used to be freeing, now it feels like the exact opposite. Fear of judgment makes you forget about what you want for yourself.
Ever since I started my (contemporary lol) art school journey (7-4 years ago) most professors directly shit on illustration. It really did affect me, as everything needed to be credible, not amateur, "worth'', even if I don't show my illustrative work to them. Now I realize how much I would like to refind my happy place in drawing.
Social media isn't helping as hours upon hours of work are translated into a single post. You overconsume the work of so many talented artists that you feel worthless. Fantasize about how much it seems fun to be them (spoiler, it's not, it's the internet, everybody shows their good side)
I now spend so much time thinking about the things that I could do, but don't.
I love to do commissions (and kinda have to) but it really is a scapegoat to not work for myself, because in the end it has become harder.
Some people seem to love my "clean" style, and I'm glad, but I also know that a part of this cleanness was born out of insecurity.
I know the culprits, but I have some mental barriers that I have to drop because it poisons everything. Depression is of course, not helping.
Every art motivational speaker feel like a taunt.
I have a hard time seeing how I could reignite my flame for my old love that is arts. Especially cause I feel the urgency to do it.
I felt like my only goal on this earth was to be creative, and every "I could" turned into "I need to do that". It sucks the life out of me before I even start anything.
Thank you for reading, kisses to everyone, I hope you're doing well!
I have lost the habit of geeking out on a drawing for hours. Lost the passion I feel like. Don't even know what I like at this point even.
Since I went on a journey to become a professional artist, art feels like a performance now, constantly having to prove that I'm worth it. Putting so many barrers that it stops me from doing anything and having motivation.
Art used to be freeing, now it feels like the exact opposite. Fear of judgment makes you forget about what you want for yourself.
Ever since I started my (contemporary lol) art school journey (7-4 years ago) most professors directly shit on illustration. It really did affect me, as everything needed to be credible, not amateur, "worth'', even if I don't show my illustrative work to them. Now I realize how much I would like to refind my happy place in drawing.
Social media isn't helping as hours upon hours of work are translated into a single post. You overconsume the work of so many talented artists that you feel worthless. Fantasize about how much it seems fun to be them (spoiler, it's not, it's the internet, everybody shows their good side)
I now spend so much time thinking about the things that I could do, but don't.
I love to do commissions (and kinda have to) but it really is a scapegoat to not work for myself, because in the end it has become harder.
Some people seem to love my "clean" style, and I'm glad, but I also know that a part of this cleanness was born out of insecurity.
I know the culprits, but I have some mental barriers that I have to drop because it poisons everything. Depression is of course, not helping.
Every art motivational speaker feel like a taunt.
I have a hard time seeing how I could reignite my flame for my old love that is arts. Especially cause I feel the urgency to do it.
I felt like my only goal on this earth was to be creative, and every "I could" turned into "I need to do that". It sucks the life out of me before I even start anything.
Thank you for reading, kisses to everyone, I hope you're doing well!
I'm in the rest period of a very rough burnout caused by similar situations and it is so tough. But I've started enjoying it here and there again. I really hope you get there too.
Sorry that it's a struggle and not as fun for you at the moment. I hope that with time you can find ways to make it a bit more fun for youself somehow. I appreciate you and your creations
Good luck though, loving doing art is good for the soul.
All my homies will make it !!!