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Things got bad
3 weeks ago
Currently struggling with domestic stuff, I wont say outright what it is but some nasty shit happened. (I still live with my parents unfortunately since I have no job again)
Thankfully I wasn't involved, if I was I would've most likely escalated it. It happens incredibly frequently between them but it got REALLY bad the other day. thing that pisses me off is the fact that it happens time and time again, then they just go back to being together as if nothing happened, expecting me to just accept it despite the severe anxiety attacks it causes me, I genuinely can't relax or keep calm when I hear noises or raised voices from their room.
But this also leads me to one of the things my mental health is getting bad with, I still struggle with jobs, simple stuff that I should be able to do at fucking 25 years old and I see all 2 (Maybe even just one now) of my friends from School and College all successfully living, getting jobs, moving out and able to just do stuff in life, While I sit here unable to do shit cause my brain just doesn't work properly. It just fucking sucks, one of my friends who has autism is able to do wood work, craft AND music, While I can barely even open a fucking 3D software to make some shitty images and animations. I suck at even my hobby, just playing games, I'm terrible for just not wanting to play a game cause my brain sees it as "too much effort"
Sorry for the rant but I'm seriously stressed with everything going wrong in life. I'm just so fucking tired, not to mention that its still too hot from me, one of the symptoms of Ulcerative Colitis is a fever, I've had a constant fever making it impossible to sleep properly, cause even just sitting here typing this I'm drenched in sweat.
Thank you for reading and any comments, I still haven't got my results yet, I'll hopefully hear what's actually wrong with my stomach in about a week.
Thankfully I wasn't involved, if I was I would've most likely escalated it. It happens incredibly frequently between them but it got REALLY bad the other day. thing that pisses me off is the fact that it happens time and time again, then they just go back to being together as if nothing happened, expecting me to just accept it despite the severe anxiety attacks it causes me, I genuinely can't relax or keep calm when I hear noises or raised voices from their room.
But this also leads me to one of the things my mental health is getting bad with, I still struggle with jobs, simple stuff that I should be able to do at fucking 25 years old and I see all 2 (Maybe even just one now) of my friends from School and College all successfully living, getting jobs, moving out and able to just do stuff in life, While I sit here unable to do shit cause my brain just doesn't work properly. It just fucking sucks, one of my friends who has autism is able to do wood work, craft AND music, While I can barely even open a fucking 3D software to make some shitty images and animations. I suck at even my hobby, just playing games, I'm terrible for just not wanting to play a game cause my brain sees it as "too much effort"
Sorry for the rant but I'm seriously stressed with everything going wrong in life. I'm just so fucking tired, not to mention that its still too hot from me, one of the symptoms of Ulcerative Colitis is a fever, I've had a constant fever making it impossible to sleep properly, cause even just sitting here typing this I'm drenched in sweat.
Thank you for reading and any comments, I still haven't got my results yet, I'll hopefully hear what's actually wrong with my stomach in about a week.
That's ME over the past 11 years (and... counting). 26, still no job, have been desperate to know what this "thing" is that's screwing me over but can't put my finger on it (Stage of puberty gone wrong? Something currently scientifically unknown? Don't have a trampoline anymore? Who knows!), and it's been the scourge of my life since around the time I turned 15. Never been to Uni, took help just to finish high school, even my abilities and hobbies have taken a huge hit (Want to write a school assignment or do a video script? Why think right through when you can just sit there and start having ticks from all the stress from your brain going into overload?), and to think I felt destined for greatness only to get ripped off for some mysterious reason. Maybe I just need to think hard enough and I'll figure it out, oh wait, THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
[Also doesn't help I've been stuck here far longer than I'd anticipated.]
No arguing parents on my end though (sorry to hear about your case though), but unless either of us find someone who's been in and out of this, the future is well and truly up in the air (assuming it isn't already too late, hope to be proven wrong).
Somebody PLEASE help us.
EDIT: I know this journal's about issues you're dealing with and I don't mean to steal the spotlight, but obviously some of it hit so close to home and I've just been desperate for help (the right help, not the sort that saw me waste time with a psychologist while I was attempting to fix it with a theory that not only didn't work but saw me worse off in the end, partly making me afraid to try too hard in case I break something else or everything in the process).
But anyway, I'm not really sure if I have ADHD. I did know some people who do, but of course I'm not going out trying to twist people's arms or anything. At one point I thought it might've been "Gifted Kid Burnout" but there seems to be inconsistencies between that and what I'm dealing with (it does seem like the sort of thing some people will go out and "self-diagnose" themselves with after misinterpreting it).
But task paralysis and executive dysfunction, I might look into those in the near future.
(Parents passed away last year, never had a great relationship. Was laid off on Thanksgiving the same year and was officially evicted on June 5th this year.)
Got a call back from Chick-fil-A though, hopefully they give me a chance. It's rough not having a driver's license or and college degree but somehow, I feel hope, I'm not giving up.
I'm not a therapist, but I know that somehow, someway you're going to make it through this black hole in your life. Because you've made it this far already. Trust me, you are stronger then you know, MegaCheese.
I'm rooting for you, buddy. We all are. I'll pray for you and I know, you'll make it through this. <3