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...I don't know what to title this.
2 weeks ago
The Hefty 'Bre has something to say!
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/11146661/
Several months ago, I made this journal and said I was going to be fixing myself. It's about to be the end of October and...I'm not sure what I'm doing with myself anymore. I felt like I lied to myself as not much has ultimately improved since then. While I still have my job at Panda, my hours have been severely cut down to where I'm only getting one day a week. With MFF and the Holidays coming up - amidst other stuff I have to pay off - I fear this is the worst position I've ever found myself in terms of finances. I have made attempts to finding a new job, but as of now, no place has truly given me a chance. I apply to a Target a month ago, went in several times to see if anyone could suggest me to management there, they having signs that they're hiring...and still not a phone call. I legit just think...I'm not cut out for the work field if no place I've tried applying to even considers calling me back. I only have worked 2 jobs in my whole life with little to show for it. My mind is simply racing right now, but I want to keep things...concise and straightforward with you all.
To put it bluntly, I feel lost and not sure what exactly to do. My only option until either I get more hours at work or find a new job entirely is to go back to streaming on Twitch. I haven't considered it for a while because of burnout and not wanting to come off as too lackluster, not seeing myself as an entertaining individual. But who knows? Maybe this is my best course of action to invoke something in me again considering these bleak times we're all living in. I'm still trying to keep myself going, but it's been more difficult than I thought. If I had some kind of health insurance, I'd honestly get myself looked at to see what's going on with me mentally because...I think there's something I don't understand about myself that's holding me back. Or keeping me the way I am now.
I won't keep this post long, but I'm feeling more desperate over time and unsure what to do with my life. So...we'll see where things go from here. And one last thing: I hope the rest of you are faring better than me. You all have a chance to turn things around probably better than me as of now. I'm at least still in this life to support others however I can. That's at least one thing I still do right. ...Anyways, sorry, you all have a good day now.
Several months ago, I made this journal and said I was going to be fixing myself. It's about to be the end of October and...I'm not sure what I'm doing with myself anymore. I felt like I lied to myself as not much has ultimately improved since then. While I still have my job at Panda, my hours have been severely cut down to where I'm only getting one day a week. With MFF and the Holidays coming up - amidst other stuff I have to pay off - I fear this is the worst position I've ever found myself in terms of finances. I have made attempts to finding a new job, but as of now, no place has truly given me a chance. I apply to a Target a month ago, went in several times to see if anyone could suggest me to management there, they having signs that they're hiring...and still not a phone call. I legit just think...I'm not cut out for the work field if no place I've tried applying to even considers calling me back. I only have worked 2 jobs in my whole life with little to show for it. My mind is simply racing right now, but I want to keep things...concise and straightforward with you all.
To put it bluntly, I feel lost and not sure what exactly to do. My only option until either I get more hours at work or find a new job entirely is to go back to streaming on Twitch. I haven't considered it for a while because of burnout and not wanting to come off as too lackluster, not seeing myself as an entertaining individual. But who knows? Maybe this is my best course of action to invoke something in me again considering these bleak times we're all living in. I'm still trying to keep myself going, but it's been more difficult than I thought. If I had some kind of health insurance, I'd honestly get myself looked at to see what's going on with me mentally because...I think there's something I don't understand about myself that's holding me back. Or keeping me the way I am now.
I won't keep this post long, but I'm feeling more desperate over time and unsure what to do with my life. So...we'll see where things go from here. And one last thing: I hope the rest of you are faring better than me. You all have a chance to turn things around probably better than me as of now. I'm at least still in this life to support others however I can. That's at least one thing I still do right. ...Anyways, sorry, you all have a good day now.
Red_da_cat
~reddacat
Things will be better frien, don't loose hope. Keep trying and you'll be able to pull through, don't give up or lose hope.
