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It's been 10 years since the accident, it's time to let go
a month ago
General
I guess in a way this is sort of me rambling.
So I think it was as of either yesterday or the day before, November 16 or 15, I don't remember, but it was about that time, ten years ago, that I was forced by my parents to go on a church mission. Something that very much derailed my life and I've been trying to correct ever since.
It really did feel like my experiences that followed just kind of sucked the life out of me, the true joy and drive I once had, the ability to enjoy hobbies or enjoy anything, I've been trying so hard to reclaim.
I know it's time to move on and stop letting what happened get in the way, and just accept that it happened and try to just find joy in things again.
I mean I guess that's what I'd been trying to do ever since, it's just been hard. I'm always anxious that doing art is a waste of time (thanks parents) and I could be doing something else more productive or that there's a million things I have to see or play because with so much media there's just a constant backlog of stuff that I'll never be able to keep up, and so I have massive executive dysfunction for things to prioritize that it feels like art is constantly at the bottom. I guess it also doesn't help that I feel like I just suck at it, and also that there's so much bloat of artists now, Jesus Christ there's so many now, I can't even keep up with that, but because of that it feels like it's just useless to put out my ideas or stuff cuz it doesn't even matter. And so all that and the fact that the act of drawing feels like such a struggle and just literally takes forever for me, it just constantly ends up on the bottom of my priorities list and idk how to get it back up there.
The problem is, a part of me WANTS to. And honestly I have a Google doc of like 500 ideas I've come up with over the years so it's not like I have an art block in the sense that I can't come up with anything. I just have a serious mental block that I can't get past.
And every time there's stuff that comes up like Halloween or NNN or even the fact that it's been 10 years and it feels like a prime time for a comeback (even if everything is against us now with shitty algorithms and governments trying to censor us forever now), it's like I have those things in the back of my mind that I wanna release stuff for them, but the fact that I'm working a job to survive and tired a lot and all the aforementioned blocks, a month passes by the time I end up maybe doing something and by then it's too late and so I drop working on such a thing because I missed the date/chance.
Like I wanted to do Halloween, I wanted to do kinktober, I wanted to do something NNN related, earlier this year I thought it would have been nice to finally join art fight for once or the like. But it just feels like time flies so fast man.
Idk, I'm trying. And eventually I'll do art again I think. I'm just tired and distracted.
I also appreciate you guys sticking around though. Even though I know I did an art purge like I said I'd never do. I've just been so depressed about my art and my thoughts have been chaotic that I just felt a strong urge to do so. I still have all of it in like my mega drive, but just trying to figure out what to do with that too. Idk if I necessarily want to just have all the ultra HD pics publicly accessible. idk.
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk
So I think it was as of either yesterday or the day before, November 16 or 15, I don't remember, but it was about that time, ten years ago, that I was forced by my parents to go on a church mission. Something that very much derailed my life and I've been trying to correct ever since.
It really did feel like my experiences that followed just kind of sucked the life out of me, the true joy and drive I once had, the ability to enjoy hobbies or enjoy anything, I've been trying so hard to reclaim.
I know it's time to move on and stop letting what happened get in the way, and just accept that it happened and try to just find joy in things again.
I mean I guess that's what I'd been trying to do ever since, it's just been hard. I'm always anxious that doing art is a waste of time (thanks parents) and I could be doing something else more productive or that there's a million things I have to see or play because with so much media there's just a constant backlog of stuff that I'll never be able to keep up, and so I have massive executive dysfunction for things to prioritize that it feels like art is constantly at the bottom. I guess it also doesn't help that I feel like I just suck at it, and also that there's so much bloat of artists now, Jesus Christ there's so many now, I can't even keep up with that, but because of that it feels like it's just useless to put out my ideas or stuff cuz it doesn't even matter. And so all that and the fact that the act of drawing feels like such a struggle and just literally takes forever for me, it just constantly ends up on the bottom of my priorities list and idk how to get it back up there.
The problem is, a part of me WANTS to. And honestly I have a Google doc of like 500 ideas I've come up with over the years so it's not like I have an art block in the sense that I can't come up with anything. I just have a serious mental block that I can't get past.
And every time there's stuff that comes up like Halloween or NNN or even the fact that it's been 10 years and it feels like a prime time for a comeback (even if everything is against us now with shitty algorithms and governments trying to censor us forever now), it's like I have those things in the back of my mind that I wanna release stuff for them, but the fact that I'm working a job to survive and tired a lot and all the aforementioned blocks, a month passes by the time I end up maybe doing something and by then it's too late and so I drop working on such a thing because I missed the date/chance.
Like I wanted to do Halloween, I wanted to do kinktober, I wanted to do something NNN related, earlier this year I thought it would have been nice to finally join art fight for once or the like. But it just feels like time flies so fast man.
Idk, I'm trying. And eventually I'll do art again I think. I'm just tired and distracted.
I also appreciate you guys sticking around though. Even though I know I did an art purge like I said I'd never do. I've just been so depressed about my art and my thoughts have been chaotic that I just felt a strong urge to do so. I still have all of it in like my mega drive, but just trying to figure out what to do with that too. Idk if I necessarily want to just have all the ultra HD pics publicly accessible. idk.
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk
Either way, it is good to see you makin art again!
And thanks... I'm trying. /w\ just difficult....
Balancing with life sucks
But i find my way around that in my own ways... namely by adapting to do art faster to overcome my time issues.
Just do art when you feel like doing it. It is ok to take a long break.
As for themed art? Don't worry bout meeting deadlines (unless you are paid to finish it by said deadline). All my halloween stuff is a month overdue xD
As for choice paralysis, you can do what i do and just number it all and put it through a random number generator to let luck decide it for you. It works in a pinch.
Lastly yes, theres lots of artists now but just do what you like with your art, engage with others and people will eventually come.
Hope it helps. I'd still support you either way :)
I'm curious how many people do themed stuff and just post them late or at unrelated times of the year. Or do I just have to make like a Halloween pic at some point and then post it all the way next year? Though that doesn't work for trends either lol....
Yeah it's funny cuz I actually did number them, it's the only way I know exactly how many ideas there are. Idk if I did that just because I was curious or if one of you recommended that in the past. But yeah I have sort of done that, but now I accidentally also started a bunch of projects now from that because of not feeling like doing a particular one that now I have to choose between the ones already started XD (I have a ton of already started projects rn lol)
Maybe... you're probably right. Just hard not to feel so discouraged I guess.
And yeah I appreciate you *hugs*
As for learning to draw faster well.... much of it to me was cutting corners. Like I transistioned to flat colours from shading to save time and practiced techs to focus on speed over accuracy, reserving my full effort for pics that i really liked.
Sometimes its better to keep the interest n practice going at a cut-corner discount than get bogged down for perfection or you can just discourage yourself with a lack of output or the sheer wall of effort needed.
As for off-season posts, just state it is belated/late. Nobody judges you for it. Better late than never xD
I guess that is part of my problem is that I'm a really bad perfectionist. And yeah I can cut corners but then my art turns out worse than I want, and then it makes me not feel good about it and stuff. So yeah maybe not an option for me, but for sure I admit it's discouraging for those reasons you say....
And okay... maybe then. I mean maybe they don't judge you, but perhaps it seems a bit out of left field and random haha. Sometimes I wonder if I need to make stuff for those like a year in advance if I want it to be on point, though also that means if there's a trend (and it's something I think is good and like it and wanna do it) then I can't jump on it that way though haha...
But yeah
As for those it's up to you.
Remember, often you are your own harshest critic.
Maybe... but still can't help but be embarrassed by all the stuff I see as being so low quality.
One of the time saving measures I adopted was going straight from rough sketch to ink and bypassing the neatened sketch.
It's kinda simplay from me being more confident with working with a rough sketch.
Well having your own internal quality control isn't a bad thing. Just don't stress yourself over everything needing to be perfect.
Yeah okay... well I'm going to try to get there... I just wanna try my best to relax and let myself do it and somehow get myself to enjoy the craft again is all. Partially why I don't like streaming anymore. Too much pressure (esp to go fast and cut too many corners) and I just wanna take it slow (enough) and make sure it's to the quality I want, cuz I always want to improve, and get as good as some of the artists I look up to...
I just go fast cause i suffer from a chronic lack of time and i get stressed if i dont post for a while xD
Besides, that sort of was the thing that stressed me out for so long. But I reached a point where I have to just accept it, unless I can ever get somewhere in life where I have a job that doesn't take all my time and I can still survive and I can shell out my art as fast and as much as I want.
In which case you either just do a little each day until it's done (like say 10-15 min) eventually it does get done.... (just like my mini painting hobby) --> in half a year it eventually gets done.
Or you just do what I do and try to do more with less XD
And well maybe haha. I just... idk, I don't want to treat it that way, I do want to do as high quality stuff as possible. Maybe some less, but mostly high. But yeah..
Yeah mini painting takes a longggg time but I learnt that if you keep doing a little each day it does get done eventually .... but if you just slip and do nothing cause it seems too daunting it never gets done.
Ah okay, mini painting. I mean I know painting itself took a long time cuz of having to wait for it to dry each time but I thought mini painting would take less time... I guess maybe if you're doing a lot of them like Warhammer armies then yeah... I know I wanted to get into painting figures at some point, bleh
hope you get feeling better!
And thank you, I appreciate it
And I hope so too though, fr...
*hugs*
I guess also just having to balance life, you know? Kinda hard to prioritize when you're surviving and also trying to rest from surviving.
And true, maybe... just gonna take me a long time lmfao