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One day at a time
12 hours ago
It's been roughly two years since hearing about my dad's passing and later his funeral.
It's been roughly a year since my fiancee's father passed.
it's been roughly two weeks since hearing about the news of my mom's passing.
It's been roughly a week since my mom's funeral.
I've been back home recovering from a sore throat I must've gotten from the airport and trying to get my mind off things however way I can... be it gaming, music, youtube, movies, etc.
I'm nearing my 39th birthday, my first birthday without my parents, and I feel even though I finally regained what I lost in 2009, my mind is still at a loss of what to do and where to go.
I have my dog with me bringing more joy in the house than we had before, but knowing I have her at the cost of losing mom fills me with mixed feelings.
I'm still on the search for work anywhere as I need to get back to doing commissions so I can gain SOME kind of income, especially with the economy these days making it harder and harder to save as everything's so damn expensive.
It's been hard to stay focused for long whenever I try to pick up a pen to do art like I used to.
I miss creating, I miss building my fictional worlds, I miss the freedom I once had being a carefree kid in school ignoring classwork and homework so I could keep drawing whatever popped in my head.
And yet, I need to find work and do commissions for money, which also eats away at time that I could use for myself artwise, which I severely miss.
I worry at this rate, I won't be able to accomplish very much of my life's goals. I want to tell stories with my characters much like what other people have with their indie comics, animated shows and even videogames.
I want to be a dad, but I fear I'm 20 years late as things today being expensive (along with current events) feels discouraging in having kids at all.
I guess the fear of the unknown has kinda paralyzed me.
All I can do is to keep doing what I can and take things one day at a time... and yet, knowing there's a finite lifespan, I fear I won't be able to do all the things I've really wanted to do in my life.
I imagine life would be so much different if money wasn't such a major cause for stress. For many of us.
It's been roughly a year since my fiancee's father passed.
it's been roughly two weeks since hearing about the news of my mom's passing.
It's been roughly a week since my mom's funeral.
I've been back home recovering from a sore throat I must've gotten from the airport and trying to get my mind off things however way I can... be it gaming, music, youtube, movies, etc.
I'm nearing my 39th birthday, my first birthday without my parents, and I feel even though I finally regained what I lost in 2009, my mind is still at a loss of what to do and where to go.
I have my dog with me bringing more joy in the house than we had before, but knowing I have her at the cost of losing mom fills me with mixed feelings.
I'm still on the search for work anywhere as I need to get back to doing commissions so I can gain SOME kind of income, especially with the economy these days making it harder and harder to save as everything's so damn expensive.
It's been hard to stay focused for long whenever I try to pick up a pen to do art like I used to.
I miss creating, I miss building my fictional worlds, I miss the freedom I once had being a carefree kid in school ignoring classwork and homework so I could keep drawing whatever popped in my head.
And yet, I need to find work and do commissions for money, which also eats away at time that I could use for myself artwise, which I severely miss.
I worry at this rate, I won't be able to accomplish very much of my life's goals. I want to tell stories with my characters much like what other people have with their indie comics, animated shows and even videogames.
I want to be a dad, but I fear I'm 20 years late as things today being expensive (along with current events) feels discouraging in having kids at all.
I guess the fear of the unknown has kinda paralyzed me.
All I can do is to keep doing what I can and take things one day at a time... and yet, knowing there's a finite lifespan, I fear I won't be able to do all the things I've really wanted to do in my life.
I imagine life would be so much different if money wasn't such a major cause for stress. For many of us.
It's great that you're finding some joy with your dog, even amidst the sorrow. Take your time to grieve and heal, and remember that your creativity will find its way back to you. One step at a time, you’ll figure it all out. You got this!
Hope I didn't come off pushy :/
I do appreciate the sentiment since yes, I do still need to earn money, it's just also frustratingly hard to concentrate with what happened recently. So even if I want to accept new commissions (while also trying to finish up older ones I still owe), my current headspace makes it hard to focus for now.
Though at the same time, I can't afford to relax for TOO long because bills and grocery costs never stop, so that adds even more frustration and stress to the situation :/