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Dying passion
2 days ago
General
It has been a while since I said anything it feels like writing diary no one will see covered under the dust, I constantly ask myself what is the sense? Why keep going against thousands when it's obvious lost fight? Why Am I doing it? These questions appear in my mind more often engulfing this small spark of hope and dream I once had
It has been over decade.. I gave my all.. seems like this path wasnt meant for me time to admit harsh reality of life where kids dreams are shattered so easily
I wasn't chosen to be around people, to enjoy and share this beautiful world of art
I'm lost cause since being born and terrible person who doesn't deserve to be happy
For years I have been fighting with deep depression, voices in my mind never stop haunting me, I'm scared.. im scared to ask for help.. I'm scared of not been answered and thus I'm left alone in the darkness with my own demons
That's fine
I'm tired.. my last hope is that on the other side is awaiting me better place
It has been over decade.. I gave my all.. seems like this path wasnt meant for me time to admit harsh reality of life where kids dreams are shattered so easily
I wasn't chosen to be around people, to enjoy and share this beautiful world of art
I'm lost cause since being born and terrible person who doesn't deserve to be happy
For years I have been fighting with deep depression, voices in my mind never stop haunting me, I'm scared.. im scared to ask for help.. I'm scared of not been answered and thus I'm left alone in the darkness with my own demons
That's fine
I'm tired.. my last hope is that on the other side is awaiting me better place
we are all here for you
Also, depression loves to tell lies about "you don't deserve it" or "you are a bad person that nobody wants" etc. Those are just lies depression is telling you, when in reality the opposite is true! You are someone who deserves happiness and deserves good things to happen to them. You are as far as I can tell from reading your journals over the years, a good person.
In any case, you do have people who care about you, be it in-person or online. Just a matter of remembering that there is always a silver lining even when things are really shitty.
I do know that BetterHelp is always an option if nothing else. There's also the suicide hotline which is worth calling if you need it.
But seriously, don't be thinking for a second that you don't deserve to be happy. No one is born undeserving of happiness 💖💖💖💖💖💖
Try "Promiseland" by MIKA. It helped me through complete mental breakdown. Maybe it can help you too...