I'm just incredibly tired of all this never-ending stress.

Of course, I'm grateful that the support I received last month allowed me to pay all my bills, even some I couldn't pay before. But every month the struggle starts all over again, and it's already December 10th. I still haven't received a single commission this month and I don't know how I'm going to pay for everything, and Christmas is making it all even worse.

Its so frustrating to be always ignored everywhere.

My partner hasn't been able to find a new job for three years, and thanks to all my health issues, I can forget about it too. Only art is keeping us afloat. But if nothing comes in, we'll drown.

Yes, I'm probably annoying, but it's what puts food on the table; I have no choice but to constantly split my commissions.

My current physical pain is probably also due to the stress. I couldn't go to the doctor without insurance anyway. I've just barely been able to pay for everything else I need so far; I can forget about health insurance, and that's how it's going to stay for the foreseeable future.

I hate this life.
I want to enjoy life like everyone else.
But I have only to be in survive mode for ever.

Sorry for the vent.