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Maybe I'm a dragonkin after all.
a month ago
General
So, today a little thing happened.
I was at my parents' house for lunch. Probably to make me talk, they asked me some curious questions about dragon mythology, stuff I was of course very happy to answer. Much better than having the TV turned on the news again. Then my mother said something particular. Something like: "Do you feel yourself like a dragon? After all, you tend to stay in your cave and get out once in a while..."
Maybe it was a bit of a mockery. Even last time they were at my house, she called it "the dragon's lair". But you know what? She has a point. My house feels to me such a safe space where I can be surrounded by dragons and my actual nature, that any presence risks feeling like an invasion unless it's someone I have a mental connection with. It is my lair.
But most of all, being said I may feel like a dragon resonated with me so much. Because, well, after a decade of thinking about dragons and what they are like, I've not just started to love them but also feeling close to them on nature.
Let me explain.
It's no more mystery that I'm a high functioning autistic. This has always caused me various struggles with being a social human. Also, a high tendency to have mental meltdowns. And well, ok. Classic autistic struggles. But also, my voice is powerful. Like, for real. When I'm angry, I scream, and it's terrifying. And I'm not saying it to brag, in fact it's always been a heavy burden for me. And my appreciation for nature, my mental abilities that are very high but also very relying on instinct more than schemes, and most of all the dragon morals I've developed recently, especially thanks to Modnar. Reading The Dragon Tongue on Thirty Simple Lessons was a big turning point for me, back in 2022, which let me open a world about morality that isn't based on what humans see the world like. And well, I resonate with normal human less and less, especially in last two years. Being friends with
ZellDragon6 helped too.
But I've always been hesitant to define myself a dragonkin. First because of scientific reasoning, of course. Second because even now I'm sure this is all wishful thinking. I'm still undeniably in a human body and have a human brain, even if a particular one. Three years ago I wrote in a journal: "You can call yourselves whateverkin, but you're still humans", referring to the fact we all still think like humans. And I didn't have any of those experiences like weird dreams or phantom tails. Oh, also, some past unpleasant experiences in my early DeviantArt years.
But I realized that being a dragonkin isn't about actually believing to be a real live dragon. It's more something or a...well, association of ideas about yourself, that make you think "I identify with dragons more". It's something that requires you to realize that the scientific method is the most accurate way we have to see the world, but is not the absolute truth (and science itself says that, by simply having the ability to admit it when a scientific idea turns out to be wrong). It's like acknowledging that you have some important differences from the average human, and being an dragonkin symbolizes all that in a way that is more tangible, and most of all represents for me something that means so much for me - dragons.
And today being asked if I feel like a dragon resonated with me. A lot. On a deep level. Like years of searching for dragons found their answer inside me - like the dragon I was searching for was me all this time. Even if just in a figurative way.
I was at my parents' house for lunch. Probably to make me talk, they asked me some curious questions about dragon mythology, stuff I was of course very happy to answer. Much better than having the TV turned on the news again. Then my mother said something particular. Something like: "Do you feel yourself like a dragon? After all, you tend to stay in your cave and get out once in a while..."
Maybe it was a bit of a mockery. Even last time they were at my house, she called it "the dragon's lair". But you know what? She has a point. My house feels to me such a safe space where I can be surrounded by dragons and my actual nature, that any presence risks feeling like an invasion unless it's someone I have a mental connection with. It is my lair.
But most of all, being said I may feel like a dragon resonated with me so much. Because, well, after a decade of thinking about dragons and what they are like, I've not just started to love them but also feeling close to them on nature.
Let me explain.
It's no more mystery that I'm a high functioning autistic. This has always caused me various struggles with being a social human. Also, a high tendency to have mental meltdowns. And well, ok. Classic autistic struggles. But also, my voice is powerful. Like, for real. When I'm angry, I scream, and it's terrifying. And I'm not saying it to brag, in fact it's always been a heavy burden for me. And my appreciation for nature, my mental abilities that are very high but also very relying on instinct more than schemes, and most of all the dragon morals I've developed recently, especially thanks to Modnar. Reading The Dragon Tongue on Thirty Simple Lessons was a big turning point for me, back in 2022, which let me open a world about morality that isn't based on what humans see the world like. And well, I resonate with normal human less and less, especially in last two years. Being friends with
ZellDragon6 helped too.But I've always been hesitant to define myself a dragonkin. First because of scientific reasoning, of course. Second because even now I'm sure this is all wishful thinking. I'm still undeniably in a human body and have a human brain, even if a particular one. Three years ago I wrote in a journal: "You can call yourselves whateverkin, but you're still humans", referring to the fact we all still think like humans. And I didn't have any of those experiences like weird dreams or phantom tails. Oh, also, some past unpleasant experiences in my early DeviantArt years.
But I realized that being a dragonkin isn't about actually believing to be a real live dragon. It's more something or a...well, association of ideas about yourself, that make you think "I identify with dragons more". It's something that requires you to realize that the scientific method is the most accurate way we have to see the world, but is not the absolute truth (and science itself says that, by simply having the ability to admit it when a scientific idea turns out to be wrong). It's like acknowledging that you have some important differences from the average human, and being an dragonkin symbolizes all that in a way that is more tangible, and most of all represents for me something that means so much for me - dragons.
And today being asked if I feel like a dragon resonated with me. A lot. On a deep level. Like years of searching for dragons found their answer inside me - like the dragon I was searching for was me all this time. Even if just in a figurative way.
And anyway all the years that I've watched you, starting on deviantART, you've changed a lot.
In fact I keep feeling like I'm mistaking you for someone else!
Sorry if that actually is the case though....