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Mental Space
a month ago
General
I got back from Scotiacon and got straight back into drawing, normally it takes me a day or two to collect my bearings but this time round I felt quite energised ready to jump in. Scotiacon was good in a lot of ways, It was my first furcon in a good couple of years and it was nice to see some old friends and make some new ones, but boy was it busy and kinda a tad overwhelming in places, the con is def at capacity when it comes to socialising space and they're talking of creating more space for events/ hotel rooms, but im wondering if that'll make the socialising spaces even more crammed... So im not sure if I wanna go back right this moment, but hopefully there will be announcements through the year to ease that worry *crosses fingers*
I also became aware that there was someone at the con who had been saying bad things about me, and whilst I didnt quite get their name (and lets face it there was possibly more than one) it did make me think a lot about my place here and why someone might be saying bad things about me. It made me wanna post here and say if anyone genuinely has had a bad experience with me, it probably was me just being an idiot. My social skills arent...um great at furry cons mainly because of the overwhelm and I tend to space out a lot because of the overload. I try hard to mask all of that but that mask definitely slips. Truthfully even outside of furry cons Im a bit of an airhead. Im not a perfect person. Not by a long shot and specifically when it comes to memory. Im always open to being corrected (I am a sub after all) but more importantly if I dont know what ive done wrong I cant make amends or work on improving myself so I dont make the same mistakes again. I think im an honest enough person to admit to mistakes or shortcomings (and im pretty short) and yeah my notes are always open if you have issues with me that you want to discuss. Seriously lets be adults about this *shudders* and just actually communicate with one another.
And on the flip side. I rarely have issues with other people, going back to that memory thing I mentioned above...Life is not long enough to hold grudges and I think I only have two people on my permanent shitlist and they both did quite extreme things to me, my blocklist here is empty. So if you think I hate you or dislike you or whatever, I can promise you I don't because both the people on my permanent list aren't furries. So like...stop carrying that weight thinking i dislike you okay because you're the only one carrying that mental weight. And again if you ever wanna get off your chest why you feel I dislike you my notes are open and we can chat about it.
I came to this community hoping for everyone to like me, and I rapidly found that to be naive. I couldn't make everyone like me and for the longest time that crushed me...quite a lot actually, I mean most of us here are probably/possibly misfits with not many friends, being on this site, hoping to connect. I am comfortable these days with people not liking me and if folk want to continue to not like me thats also fine it's ultimately your choice, but I will always tend towards the side of wanting to be everyones friend because that's just my nature, even towards folk who have hurt me in the past.
I also became aware that there was someone at the con who had been saying bad things about me, and whilst I didnt quite get their name (and lets face it there was possibly more than one) it did make me think a lot about my place here and why someone might be saying bad things about me. It made me wanna post here and say if anyone genuinely has had a bad experience with me, it probably was me just being an idiot. My social skills arent...um great at furry cons mainly because of the overwhelm and I tend to space out a lot because of the overload. I try hard to mask all of that but that mask definitely slips. Truthfully even outside of furry cons Im a bit of an airhead. Im not a perfect person. Not by a long shot and specifically when it comes to memory. Im always open to being corrected (I am a sub after all) but more importantly if I dont know what ive done wrong I cant make amends or work on improving myself so I dont make the same mistakes again. I think im an honest enough person to admit to mistakes or shortcomings (and im pretty short) and yeah my notes are always open if you have issues with me that you want to discuss. Seriously lets be adults about this *shudders* and just actually communicate with one another.
And on the flip side. I rarely have issues with other people, going back to that memory thing I mentioned above...Life is not long enough to hold grudges and I think I only have two people on my permanent shitlist and they both did quite extreme things to me, my blocklist here is empty. So if you think I hate you or dislike you or whatever, I can promise you I don't because both the people on my permanent list aren't furries. So like...stop carrying that weight thinking i dislike you okay because you're the only one carrying that mental weight. And again if you ever wanna get off your chest why you feel I dislike you my notes are open and we can chat about it.
I came to this community hoping for everyone to like me, and I rapidly found that to be naive. I couldn't make everyone like me and for the longest time that crushed me...quite a lot actually, I mean most of us here are probably/possibly misfits with not many friends, being on this site, hoping to connect. I am comfortable these days with people not liking me and if folk want to continue to not like me thats also fine it's ultimately your choice, but I will always tend towards the side of wanting to be everyones friend because that's just my nature, even towards folk who have hurt me in the past.
Talking helps!
I hope you did have a good time being yourself, and got to meet new friends.
*Koala hugs*
At the very least, I hope you know a lot of people appreciate you and your work, Star! The ratio of people who hate on you to those who want to love and support you is leaning all the way to the side <3
'Course, that's more a general disdain for our community than a personal grudge against you. And, if they do have some misgivings about your popularity on site, then it's their loss. They are missing out, since you're genuinely one of the nicest people I know.
Even if we don't agree on everything.
You'll never get everyone to like you sadly but it's disappointing to hear someone decided to air it out to people around the space.
Glad you had a good time and could just hop back into drawing.
π«
I know I tend to space out a lot in busy crowds and that can appear a bit more "aloof" than intended but really I think to many people read more into peoples intent than really is supported by the evidence.
Hugs, Jo.
I knew him personally and he got mad at me that I preferred to spend my new years eve with my husband over being in a VC with him, while his (ex)GF was with him as well. It was a toxic relationship, and I knew the moment he did that to you, I didn't want to keep being his friend....
If he reads this, I hope he knows that I didn't forget about his twitter account dedicated to calling people out, so its best not to out himself for an argument.
That being said sometimes people don't need a reason beyond envy to talk shit. I personally prefer to lift others up and hope for the best for them than to shit on them, hence the me not telling anyone who this person was or what that twitter account was.
Ive had plenty of people do mean things to me over the years, I remember someone drawing hate art of me despite me trying to help them get more followers here, or someone doxxing me because of the AB/DL stuff....again I dont hate these people. I often think of them as being lonely or jealous or a mix of both.
Haters againt what i'm into also I feel have a misplaced sense of wanting the community to be safe and thinking getting rid of certain subsections like the ageplayers will somehow make it safer, not realising for example that most of us into the little thing want to keep the kids the safest cause a lot of us have experienced trauma/abuse ourselves and dont want any other kids to go through that.
I know it was envy he felt when he made that account because he explicitly said that he was jealous of you getting lots of positive attention for doing the fundraisers you did and he didn't believe you actually did donate to charity like you said you did and he wanted to expose you as a fraudster and be the vindicated caller out on your supposed scam, and while I no longer have the receipts for it, because I don't hold on to negativity like that because thays really unhealthy, it was a conversation that sticks with me to this day, I have known others who have thought like that because they don't see proof all the time, but its also why I posted proof when my own home got broken into last year when I det up a go-fund-me because of people like him who need to see it to believe it.
I hope he and his are doing better and he got the help he needed to pull himself away from his old toxic mindset, legit I really do hope he is happier and living his best life. I won't try to find him again, I only knew about the secondary account because he made it when we were still talking, but I don't actively seek him out to check on him, I also hope the person who was his BFF at the time is dong better too, they haven't posted to twitter or FA for a long time and I hope they are okay, if they still talk to you, just let me know with a simple "they are fine"