I used to hate Alaska and hate living here, now I appreciate a lot more about it but I'm still miserable here and feel I need to leave to be happy, but I don't want to leave my family so I'm stuck

I feel like taking 2 trips outside Alaska a year can keep me satisfied living here but I'm terrified of flying and can't afford it anyway

Alaska just feels like depression, it feels like there's a gray blanket of depression over the whole state. When I'm in Oregon or Washington, they are not perfect states to live in, but I feel a lot more happy, my only problem is missing my parents too much so I always come back to Alaska

Being in Alaska feels like being trapped and it feels really understimulating, it feels like there is not enough enrichment in my enclosure lol.

There are lots of beautiful places to go here during the summer but I can't drive and I'm stuck in the city with all the nasty ass people. I loved living in Portland oregon because it's really pedestrian friendly and you can take a train or bus to other cities or even states but in Alaska I am just stuck in one boring place, the busses and trains to anywhere interesting are insanely expensive and are tourist-centered instead of for average commuting

But anyway I'll probably be stuck here til I die idk, even if I didn't have family here I can't afford to move

The seasonal depression is real too and it doesn't get that cold here but it's too cold for me and I basically have to stay inside for half the year to avoid the cold, or go out in the cold and experience loss of function of my body cuz I'm so overly sensitive to the cold

Idk I'm just so depressed and hate it here

Edit - to be fair I will add some things I like about Alaska
- it is beautiful. Whether summer or winter, it looks stunning.
- you are always near nature. Even though I live in the city, there are lots of parks, creeks, trees, and wildlife (watch out for aggressive giant moose lol)
- in the summer it's easy to walk to nature spots and when the sun hits just right and the breeze blows, it feels euphorically good
- it's populated, but not overcrowded like giant cities in the lower 48. Less of a chance of interstate car crashes and stuff like that, since we don't have giant freeways
- no billboards
- less air pollution
- lots of fun little towns to visit (seward, homer, kenai etc)
- we have wolves. I've never seen one, but it's cool that we have them
- the vast untamed wilderness is pretty cool, while it is very regulated, it's cool to be in the last frontier, even though most of the time for me it's boring as shit lol