So its done, my first ever furmeet. Making my way to London (as if I don’t commute into London enough) I headed to LondonFurs.

There was a lot riding on this for me. Since the days of me first finding the fandom scrolling dial up internet on my Sega Dreamcast when furry events in the UK just wasnt a thing, to becoming an artist to now….I had never found a chance to interact with the fandom I loved. My friends were American. Confuzzled takes place on a weekend I can never do. I have kids. Its just never been easy. Ive had bad experiences in the past of people finding out about my art and treating me badly. Finally this was my time to reject their boring ass vanilla world view and involve myself.

Queueing up I was nervous. I had three contacts I had hoped to come but sadly they all pulled out of attending late, so I was going to have to get to know people. It wasnt the news I wanted, I wanted to finally meet people I KNEW as well as meet new people. I hoped some people I recognised woild be there. As it was there were a few but importantly those same people didnt know of me.

I started by buying some art and sitting at the newbies table playing Cards Against Humanity. It did relax me, but it wasnt what I was there for, but I enjoyed it all the same. As the fursuits started to come out I realised that this was my first time ever interacting with fursuits at all. It was a joy to see all the characters but I find myself struggling to interact or approach. I’m normally a confident person but I found myself filled with anxiety. The first fursuit I ever hugged, an adorable male brown wolf simply heard me say ‘sorry, I just feel a bit lost’. I’d become a bit vulnerable. People were in groups and I couldnt see a way in. I enjoyed the artistry but was still finding it hard. Over a pizza on my own I considered leaving but I was determined not to gjve up.

At that moment, a heroic kind fur saw me struggling on TG and offered to chat. This basically saved the meet for me. We played shuffleboard as a larger group (sidenote - I must be LFMs number one ranked shuffleboard player) and I went to interact with more suits and got more pics. Meet made, enough to take home. Not a perfect furmeet at all, but I had built it up so much in my head it was never going to live up to the billing I gave it in my head. Overall I was glad I went and it made me want to try again.

There was one thing that caught me by surprise though. Seeing all the fursuits made me realise how this 7/10 meet could have become a 10. If I was a silly lion, the whole thing could have made all the sense in the world. I like to make my own fun so this could have worked for me. I’ve always liked fursuits, I’ve always wanted to try one for a day…but what I didnt expect was to want a fursuit with the burning passion of a thousand suns. I REALLY wanted a suit. Not jealousy (I dont want to be someone elses character), just a feeling inside me that felt exciting and new. I didnt want a head….I ACTUALLY wanted the full suit. In hindsight it makes complete sense but only once you see something in the flesh can you appreciate it, and this was my first time.

I dont know if I could ever acquire a full fursuit. I have responsibilities, kids and other things to balance. But its now gone something that ‘would be cool’ to top of my bucket list. And thats quite something.

Thank you LFM. I’m still reflecting on what it did for me, but all I know is at some point I want more. I experienced so much love in that room from others, I think I just need that moment of running into someones arms for myself. Maybe I’m one step closer. Maybe I am as brave as a lion. Maybe it does matter.

Lizz