I think trustworthiness and patience for me.

heya preciate ya sharing. and thats a really good trait. did it take awhile to adopt or more built in?

Built in but the patience needs maintenance.

Def understandable for sure. would you mind if i ask what kinda things you do to build the maintenence?

Calming and mindfulness exercises. It mostly learning to be gracious with difficulty people.

mm thats a difficult one like patience. do ya, ever pause to think in difficult situations?
er. also my apologies. im curious also about the excersizes ya do if ya dont mind sharing ^^;

It's mostly learning how to ignore disrespect and keeping the peace. It varies on the situation.

thats understandable for sure. i do hope while some of that id imagine comes with some sacrifice. so to so speak. its been working well for ya ^^. trust worthy and patience is a need. but at the same time. please to kind to yourself in the same ways.

erf, typos. please be*

Thank you. u_u

heya no prob. i appreciate ya responding back with my thoughts too ^^
er, to edit. about my thoughts and stuff ^^;

"Patience needs maintenance" I'm keeping that one. Well said.

Thanks, it's an ongoing struggle. T_T

I see

Introspection and reflection is one of the most important things we can do. The goal should be to find yourself, but never stop looking and understanding. It is a journey without end that is taken across a lifetime.

For me it has been a long, perilous, and enlightening path. I don't know how much you want to hear on this platform, but I will try to give you the short of it.


My life, as I remember it, begins when I went insane and lost my memory. I had reached a point where I hated what I was, and wanted to destroy it. I felt that, as I was mad and no longer remembered who I was, I could decide to be anyone. I wanted to be bad and evil, like those around me. To take from the world so I might thrive, as they did.
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The more I committed myself to this, the more it slipped through my fingers. Despite having no memory or identity or emotions. My previous good nature and decency returned to me. Fighting it only did more damage.
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I explored this a little more in following years as I eventually made my way back to discovering and possessing emotions. I traveled the country for some time trying to survive homeless, after being burned and losing the only person I loved. I sought out rage and pain, as it was what consumed my mind at the time. I found it, but it did me no good, as I was not made of it.
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Eventually I made my way off the street. I chased what I thought was love, trying to prove to myself that I could move on. When my own lie fell apart, it broke me. I dropped everything and drove until I hit the mountains. I didn't want to live, and I didn't want to die, and I had to level the difference. Between the peaks I fought death with my own hands, I walked the razor's edge and proved that I was still real. Up between the mountains, in a C172 on the most perilous flight I have been on, I again found who I was.
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I returned knowing myself better.
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I eventually made my way back to spirituality and the Christian faith. It is a difficult thing to understand, until you have the requisite life and spiritual experiences to base it on. Understanding what they are saying, and what their words mean and speak about. Exploring life through a spiritual lens has taught me more about myself than perhaps anything else.
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Once again I found love, for real this time. I knew the fool I was at the time to pursue it, and did it anyway. I experienced and learned incredible things about myself, that I could not have seen any other way. When I lost her, I too lost myself. So, I did the only thing I knew. I ran.
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I got a one way train ticket to Montana, spent a week building an old motorcycle with a friend. I packed everything I could carry on it, and headed west with 3 days experience riding, in search of my soul. Over one month and 4400 miles, I crossed prairie, desert, mountain, forest, bay, rainforest, and coastline. I explored the depths of pain and fear. I faced my demon, and somewhere over the Pacific, I found myself. Where I was always going to be.
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I returned with a better understanding of who I was and what I was living for.
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The time since was even less kind to me. Isolation, depression, insomnia. The painful decay of atrophy that will ultimately result in wretched death. I experienced suffering beneath suffering beneath suffering, that doesn't really end. Through it, I found a deeper understanding of myself, and of life. Through suffering the great anguish of this life, I have also found joy in it's great beauty.
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All of the people I've met here are a part of that, too.
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I ended my journal after my journey by noting that we are ending and beginning all the time, and it never really ends. Despite the pain and isolation in which I currently reside, I am the best version of myself. One day, with further reflection, I will be an even better version of myself, which I do not yet understand.


I know, you asked a question and I gave a story. I wanted you to hear it, if you are facing a path of self discovery. The answer to what you asked, is the reason I started with my insanity. The most important value I have discovered in myself is that of my very nature. I am a good man, of good nature, inclined towards righteous intentions. I cannot serve evil or ego or selfish intents, do not desire them and I do not understand those who do. Even if my entire personality and memory were erased, as they were, I could not compel myself, or be compelled, to serve such things. Any attempts to do so, were only harming me. Inversely, I have found that accepting this nature and allowing it to rule me have made me far happier and done indescribable good for the nature of my being, despite living in some of the worst conditions and situation of my life.
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So, try to understand yourself, and never stop trying. You don't necessarily have to cross the country twice to do it. Sometimes the little things matter the most.

Preciate ya for sharing your story and thoughts , Sounds like a very rough road you were on but really glad, despite conditions you were able to be far happier and a good person. ^^

Thanks, rough road is a bit of a theme for me. I hope you find some meaning in yours! Sometimes the questions are more important than the answers.