I'm not driven to write on this journal much. In the past it's usually been some sort of politically-incorrect diatribe. But at this point, nothing of the sort matters to me. The only thing that matters is that all of this turns out to have a happy ending. I don't think I've been caught up in so much personal, ever-changing goings-ons in a long time. Hell, I can't even sleep because I don't know how to feel or why my actions are what they are.

On one hand I have the desire for things between us all to be cozy and tight knit--happily ever after... as if that ever happens in life. On the other hand, I can't stand what I've been through this last year. I fucked up my progress. People say I'm a fool. I'm realizing how codependent I am. But all of these old feelings having surfaced within me are reminding me of what it's like to be alive. I haven't gotten anywhere but yet it feels like I've made leaps and bounds. I feel like I've spent too much time in my own personal hell.

I feel straighter. But I'm hunching more and more. I'm scared about things. Makes me shiver. I don't know where I'm headed.