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Diary of an Asshole
16 years ago
This one time I went to a pet store, and I bought a hamster and took it home.......psyche!
I work in a restaurant with a lot of stupid people. It's kinda like that movie Waiting...only dumber. It's really hard not to be an asshole and say the frst thing that pops into ny head whenever sombody said stupid. Here's some examples:
A server was talking and randomly said, "My ass really hurts."
I was walking by when she said that and responded with, "That's why you're supposed to use lube."
I'm a dishwasher at the Ground Round. The servers made a huge mess of dishes on the counter. They were all over the place. My manager came up and said, "Why is there a mess over here?"
I responded with, "Because all the smart people work over at Applebee's."
One of my manager's is named Tess. When ever somebody shouts "Tess", I shout "ticles".
...I get in trouble a lot for that one.
I can't help being an asshole, I'm a DISHWASHER. It means all I do for 6-8 hours a day is wash dishes. It's a miracle I've maintained my sanity this long.
I was at a Wal-Mart once to by a bottle of orange soda. My friend was with me buying a bottle of Squirt. When I went to pay for my orange soda I randomly said the the lady, "Do you believe in the power of orange soda?"
She said, "What do you mean?"
I said, "It has powerful healing properties. It makes my voices go away."
My friend was right behind me. When he went to pay for his soda then lady said, "Does grapefruit flavored soda make your voices go away?"
My friend said, "No."
Then the lady said, "Then maybe you should consider switching over to orange soda."
Yeah...when you live in a constant state of confusion you have to make your own fun.
I work in a restaurant with a lot of stupid people. It's kinda like that movie Waiting...only dumber. It's really hard not to be an asshole and say the frst thing that pops into ny head whenever sombody said stupid. Here's some examples:
A server was talking and randomly said, "My ass really hurts."
I was walking by when she said that and responded with, "That's why you're supposed to use lube."
I'm a dishwasher at the Ground Round. The servers made a huge mess of dishes on the counter. They were all over the place. My manager came up and said, "Why is there a mess over here?"
I responded with, "Because all the smart people work over at Applebee's."
One of my manager's is named Tess. When ever somebody shouts "Tess", I shout "ticles".
...I get in trouble a lot for that one.
I can't help being an asshole, I'm a DISHWASHER. It means all I do for 6-8 hours a day is wash dishes. It's a miracle I've maintained my sanity this long.
I was at a Wal-Mart once to by a bottle of orange soda. My friend was with me buying a bottle of Squirt. When I went to pay for my orange soda I randomly said the the lady, "Do you believe in the power of orange soda?"
She said, "What do you mean?"
I said, "It has powerful healing properties. It makes my voices go away."
My friend was right behind me. When he went to pay for his soda then lady said, "Does grapefruit flavored soda make your voices go away?"
My friend said, "No."
Then the lady said, "Then maybe you should consider switching over to orange soda."
Yeah...when you live in a constant state of confusion you have to make your own fun.
