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For prospective skiers/snowboarders.... Do's and Do not's
16 years ago
Being back at the slopes recently brought this whole thing back to memory. Being pretty seasoned boarder/skier myself I've seen a lot of terrible things on the mountains. And I'm here to help you not make an ass of yourself while enjoying the winter season at your favorite ski resort!
First of all...
-Take a lesson
f you have never snowboarded or skied before, take a lesson. Please. I know we all want to be cool and say that "we taught ourselves" but when you try and teach yourself you're most likely doing it the wrong way (becoming accustomed to a bad stance for instance). It's always easy to pick out the self-taught snowboarders because they always ride with both their shoulders facing the nose of the board, what we like to call "riding with open shoulders" it's bad don't do it.
-Tip your ski/snowboard instructors
While it may seem like a job in paradise, and don't get me wrong it is fun, but it's also VERY stressful. Dealing with spoiled, bratty kids 3 hours at a time, keeping track of 5+ of them that look like every other bobble head walking around, and preventing meltdowns is a tasking thing. Especially during holidays where sometimes we have 10 or more kids to an instructor it gets very frustrating.
I recall one time specifically where I was taking a break with my group of kids inside the a cabin. I was giving them some hot chocolate and went back to get some more for the rest, when I was walking back I heard an "oops..." and what do ya know, johnny smarts spilled the cup all over the table. Okay no big deal, I clean it up and give the other kids their drinks and go get him a new one. I hand it to him and go to the bathroom. Upon my returning, what do ya know! there's fucking cocoa all over the table again. He asks for some more and I tell him he can only have water now. I walk away for some reason and a few minutes later I return AND HE SPILLED MORE. So I'm like how the fuck did he get another one!? Apparently he asked one of my co workers and she obliged. That kid was out to ruin my life I swear to god
So basically I'm saying we go through a lot and don't get paid much, a $5 or a $10 is greatly appreciated and makes our days a little better.
-Ride within your ability level
It's not okay for your 7 year old son to "pizza" all the way down an advanced run with his skiis, or skid down with his snowboard. Or really any age for that matter. If a run is too advanced or difficult for you Don't Do It. You might think it's cool to say that you've been down a double black diamond, but honestly, if it took you a half an hour to do it and you went below 5mph the whole time... can you honestly say you did it...?
You might ask "but how can I know without trying?" Well sit down junior because I'm about to tell you. Generally if you can make it down a green run (beginner) without falling down and maintain a constant speed, go for a blue run (intermediate) and so on. You don't need to be doing things that are beyond your skill level making advanced riders and others have to play frogger after you bail and your shit yard sales everywhere.
-Snow gear
This one especially deserves a bold title. Okay, snow is essentially frozen water right? Okay now bear with me because I know this is hard but it's not a good idea to wear your full camo hunting suit on the slopes. Why not you say? BECAUSE IT ABSORBS WATER AND MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT. We even have a word for these fashion heroes, gaper. Yes you're a gaper if you go cruisin down the slopes in your camo overalls, camo jacket, camo gloves. Or the alternate, bright fucking orange that blinds everyone. Props to the people with neon 80's ski suits though, that shit's cool. So remember, you anre't hunting on the slopes so don't dress like it... Christ go buy some actual clothes meant for the snow, you know, like the kind that isn't like wearing a fucking sham wow absorbing half the mountain when you fall down.
-Ski lift
If you fall down when you get off of the lift. Move the fuck outa the way asap. There are people behind you and unless you want a ski up your ass (some of you might find this as an incentive) you don't want to be sitting there flailing around.
-your lift tickets after you use them
It's not cool to have 10 lift tickets dangling from your jacket to show how many times you've been to a mountain. It looks stupid and tacky, prune your jacket once in a while. Don't be a gaper.
Basically, just be safe, smart, and courteous and you should be fine and not piss anyone off lol.
This concludes your public service announcement. Ding ding.
First of all...
-Take a lesson
f you have never snowboarded or skied before, take a lesson. Please. I know we all want to be cool and say that "we taught ourselves" but when you try and teach yourself you're most likely doing it the wrong way (becoming accustomed to a bad stance for instance). It's always easy to pick out the self-taught snowboarders because they always ride with both their shoulders facing the nose of the board, what we like to call "riding with open shoulders" it's bad don't do it.
-Tip your ski/snowboard instructors
While it may seem like a job in paradise, and don't get me wrong it is fun, but it's also VERY stressful. Dealing with spoiled, bratty kids 3 hours at a time, keeping track of 5+ of them that look like every other bobble head walking around, and preventing meltdowns is a tasking thing. Especially during holidays where sometimes we have 10 or more kids to an instructor it gets very frustrating.
I recall one time specifically where I was taking a break with my group of kids inside the a cabin. I was giving them some hot chocolate and went back to get some more for the rest, when I was walking back I heard an "oops..." and what do ya know, johnny smarts spilled the cup all over the table. Okay no big deal, I clean it up and give the other kids their drinks and go get him a new one. I hand it to him and go to the bathroom. Upon my returning, what do ya know! there's fucking cocoa all over the table again. He asks for some more and I tell him he can only have water now. I walk away for some reason and a few minutes later I return AND HE SPILLED MORE. So I'm like how the fuck did he get another one!? Apparently he asked one of my co workers and she obliged. That kid was out to ruin my life I swear to god
So basically I'm saying we go through a lot and don't get paid much, a $5 or a $10 is greatly appreciated and makes our days a little better.
-Ride within your ability level
It's not okay for your 7 year old son to "pizza" all the way down an advanced run with his skiis, or skid down with his snowboard. Or really any age for that matter. If a run is too advanced or difficult for you Don't Do It. You might think it's cool to say that you've been down a double black diamond, but honestly, if it took you a half an hour to do it and you went below 5mph the whole time... can you honestly say you did it...?
You might ask "but how can I know without trying?" Well sit down junior because I'm about to tell you. Generally if you can make it down a green run (beginner) without falling down and maintain a constant speed, go for a blue run (intermediate) and so on. You don't need to be doing things that are beyond your skill level making advanced riders and others have to play frogger after you bail and your shit yard sales everywhere.
-Snow gear
This one especially deserves a bold title. Okay, snow is essentially frozen water right? Okay now bear with me because I know this is hard but it's not a good idea to wear your full camo hunting suit on the slopes. Why not you say? BECAUSE IT ABSORBS WATER AND MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT. We even have a word for these fashion heroes, gaper. Yes you're a gaper if you go cruisin down the slopes in your camo overalls, camo jacket, camo gloves. Or the alternate, bright fucking orange that blinds everyone. Props to the people with neon 80's ski suits though, that shit's cool. So remember, you anre't hunting on the slopes so don't dress like it... Christ go buy some actual clothes meant for the snow, you know, like the kind that isn't like wearing a fucking sham wow absorbing half the mountain when you fall down.
-Ski lift
If you fall down when you get off of the lift. Move the fuck outa the way asap. There are people behind you and unless you want a ski up your ass (some of you might find this as an incentive) you don't want to be sitting there flailing around.
-your lift tickets after you use them
It's not cool to have 10 lift tickets dangling from your jacket to show how many times you've been to a mountain. It looks stupid and tacky, prune your jacket once in a while. Don't be a gaper.
Basically, just be safe, smart, and courteous and you should be fine and not piss anyone off lol.
This concludes your public service announcement. Ding ding.
We have to go to a mountain together.
Also one you missed...If you're not going to do anything in the park DONT GO IN THE PARK, I can't tell how many times in is some retard decides to camp right in fornt the hit i've been trying butter out a new trick on...and for god sakes don't ever take your kids through the park
BTW we call the 80's jumpsuits Duran Durans i dunno just something we picked up...freaking sweet though somebody killing it in a one piece fluro pink or yellow suit
"Hey, let's chill in the landing zone of this jump"
"Yeah that's a good idea."
Or the kids who decided to walk up the middle of the course, in front of all the jumps.
There totally wasn't a line forming guys. Take your time.
/sarcasm.