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A connection perhaps (a reprisal)
16 years ago
General
There's a bunny who lives in Oregon...
and I'm crazy about her.
It's been, oh, three months since this all started, and it's been a very bumpy road.
I am not sure at this point whether or not she considers me her mate, but the truth is, I do love her, and she claims that she loves me (Although her actions have given me... pause). You see... it seemed like we had excellent chemistry. She seemed engaging, easy to talk to and listen to. She is intelligent, notwithstanding the recent event, and has been around the block a number of times, so she knows how to go about things and not get herself hurt--again, notwithstanding the recent event.
Moreover... she's an artist, a musician, career-oriented in medicine and attending a school for dentistry, she has an irish accent... that makes me melt out of my chair x.x and when she sings, oh gods help me, when she sings... I want nothing more than to be there for her; at her back supporting her, before her defending her, at her side to face the world -with- her; it seemed equal.
... except she dumped me for the period of a month.
That was what went wrong. From january the eighth up to the very first of February, my bunny was no longer willing to be part of our official relationship. She removed me from many parts of her life; the essential equivalent of burning all of your photos and diary entries of someone, and erasing all your call history to that person as well. So I wasn't just dumped; I was erased. She, for the time, had finally caught the attention of a girl she'd been attracted to for a very long time. Oh yes. Bunny is Bi.
For the month of january, I was in a miserable hole. I tried very hard to not let it affect me, and for the most part, it didn't get me FIRED, didn't cost me my car, my friends, or my apartment. I managed to pull up before hitting the ground. That said, I DID lose a lot of altitude, to continue the metaphor, and got scratched up by a number of trees; I had less interest in my own maintenance, and it seemed like a struggle just to get up every day. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and forget the universe, and wanted the universe to forget me.
When Injured, Dig a Den and Curl Up In It: it's a wolf thing.
I had just managed to strike some equilibrium, when bunny came on and told me that she had made a mistake, missed me, still loved me, wished she'd never done it, and science as my witness I want her back, fuck, do I EVER want her back ;_; Seeing her made me happier than I thought I had been -capable- of being! I love her gods dammit! I don't fall out of love! No one has ever wanted to come back to me! Surprise surprise, the girl she was with... was using her. Using her to net jealousy from the girl's ex.
I have not ever, ever, done anything to hurt her. I haven't used her, taken her for granted, or disrespected her. I gave her space, I gave her all the patience I could muster, and she seemed to not take -me- for granted at the time... and it strikes me, for all the world, as though she'd forgotten how shitty other people can be while basking in my 'aura of nice' x.x;
I mean, maybe this is it. Maybe this is the only mistake she'll ever make.
I have been looking for advice for a long time about this... I've asked countless dear friends for their perspective. the consensus has been pretty much that, in their eyes, they feel that my bunny is worthless, untrustworthy, and not good enough for me. As highly as I think of her, naturally hearing this turns my blood to ice. They don't think I should give her another chance. They don't think I should give her even the time of day...
but you know what? I ... haven't had anyone this close to me in -years-... Looking at her, except for this ONE thing, albeit it was a devastating thing--and temporary at that--she has... everything I ever hoped for in a mate... and I do love her... I do.
A piece of my mind still wonders if this is a mistake, but acquiesces quietly, with an amiable nod of acknowledgement that I want to let her back into my life.
The way I figure, get me once, shame on you; get me twice, shame on me. There has to be a twice. I can accept that shame. I am willing to take the risk. I can handle being dumped again, if it happens; and if it doesn't, maybe she was the one all along and just hadn't figured it out yet ^^;
cheers.
and I'm crazy about her.
It's been, oh, three months since this all started, and it's been a very bumpy road.
I am not sure at this point whether or not she considers me her mate, but the truth is, I do love her, and she claims that she loves me (Although her actions have given me... pause). You see... it seemed like we had excellent chemistry. She seemed engaging, easy to talk to and listen to. She is intelligent, notwithstanding the recent event, and has been around the block a number of times, so she knows how to go about things and not get herself hurt--again, notwithstanding the recent event.
Moreover... she's an artist, a musician, career-oriented in medicine and attending a school for dentistry, she has an irish accent... that makes me melt out of my chair x.x and when she sings, oh gods help me, when she sings... I want nothing more than to be there for her; at her back supporting her, before her defending her, at her side to face the world -with- her; it seemed equal.
... except she dumped me for the period of a month.
That was what went wrong. From january the eighth up to the very first of February, my bunny was no longer willing to be part of our official relationship. She removed me from many parts of her life; the essential equivalent of burning all of your photos and diary entries of someone, and erasing all your call history to that person as well. So I wasn't just dumped; I was erased. She, for the time, had finally caught the attention of a girl she'd been attracted to for a very long time. Oh yes. Bunny is Bi.
For the month of january, I was in a miserable hole. I tried very hard to not let it affect me, and for the most part, it didn't get me FIRED, didn't cost me my car, my friends, or my apartment. I managed to pull up before hitting the ground. That said, I DID lose a lot of altitude, to continue the metaphor, and got scratched up by a number of trees; I had less interest in my own maintenance, and it seemed like a struggle just to get up every day. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and forget the universe, and wanted the universe to forget me.
When Injured, Dig a Den and Curl Up In It: it's a wolf thing.
I had just managed to strike some equilibrium, when bunny came on and told me that she had made a mistake, missed me, still loved me, wished she'd never done it, and science as my witness I want her back, fuck, do I EVER want her back ;_; Seeing her made me happier than I thought I had been -capable- of being! I love her gods dammit! I don't fall out of love! No one has ever wanted to come back to me! Surprise surprise, the girl she was with... was using her. Using her to net jealousy from the girl's ex.
I have not ever, ever, done anything to hurt her. I haven't used her, taken her for granted, or disrespected her. I gave her space, I gave her all the patience I could muster, and she seemed to not take -me- for granted at the time... and it strikes me, for all the world, as though she'd forgotten how shitty other people can be while basking in my 'aura of nice' x.x;
I mean, maybe this is it. Maybe this is the only mistake she'll ever make.
I have been looking for advice for a long time about this... I've asked countless dear friends for their perspective. the consensus has been pretty much that, in their eyes, they feel that my bunny is worthless, untrustworthy, and not good enough for me. As highly as I think of her, naturally hearing this turns my blood to ice. They don't think I should give her another chance. They don't think I should give her even the time of day...
but you know what? I ... haven't had anyone this close to me in -years-... Looking at her, except for this ONE thing, albeit it was a devastating thing--and temporary at that--she has... everything I ever hoped for in a mate... and I do love her... I do.
A piece of my mind still wonders if this is a mistake, but acquiesces quietly, with an amiable nod of acknowledgement that I want to let her back into my life.
The way I figure, get me once, shame on you; get me twice, shame on me. There has to be a twice. I can accept that shame. I am willing to take the risk. I can handle being dumped again, if it happens; and if it doesn't, maybe she was the one all along and just hadn't figured it out yet ^^;
cheers.
You are wiser than me; you've been around the block many more times than I. Your advice is always welcome, Raina. Thank you.