I have noticed after some careful thought that I am entering self protection mode. I have felt so threatened by the last few weeks (long story, a grandmother, and court involved), that I am finally becoming protective of myself.
I don't deal well with strangers (or those I do not trust fully) coming onto my property. I have my own reasons, one involving someone stepping onto my porch, and killing one of my cats while I was hospitalized after childbirth. I panic when someone I do not know, and trust arrives. In some cases I become violent.
Grandma is pushing me over the edge in all of this, and my only thoughts in all of this now is how to make her hurt. I will never be able to be in close distance to this woman again because of the things going on and how far I have been pushed. I would be a risk to her. The farther this goes the more of a risk I am to her.
I still need to think. What approach do I take? Do I become an outright bitch, or let my own emotions take over, and whatever happens just happens? I don't know. I hold enough evidence to keep her away from my child if I desire so. At this point I want to be far far from her. I am afraid of losing my control near her.
And off to think some more.