reality. sometimes its sweet, sometimes it burns like spicy Mexican food coming out the wazoo!

So as of the last few months I been going on and on about "Yayyyyy i gonna be going to good college with marketability and actual talent development" ala AIP. and I would be all ^_^ like as I worked though all the paper work as I waited to hear what I was entitled to, hoping I would get enough to not worry or at least come close, based on my parents unemployment.....and then I called them today.

basically out of the 101k i needed (only including 1 year of dorm payments) student loans and the very very small amount of grant money, only 42k will be covered. I need about 2k by my projected start date (may 13th), 16k for the year, and the rest over 4 years.

it doesn't help that my parents filed bankruptcy a few years back, and thus their credit may be to bad to co-sign, and I don't know of any other fam member who could help with that.

so........I may just be stuck with a shitty 2 year degree, that didn't teach me much except the basics of the programs (mostly with first time teachers), no drawing skills, a rather uneducated view of color schemes, difficult creative management, and very low marketability in my field. and I have to start paying on that in less then 6 months, which i was hoping to defur until after graduating AIP.

i'm not giving up though, thats something in which all the pain I have gone through over the years I failed to learn how to do. If you can play football and wrestle with 2 bad MCL injuries and deal with that pain as well as everything else while dealing with some bad depression, you can push forward with a situation like this right? I would think so at least.

but none the less, maybe this is just another example of how, no matter how hard i want something and try for it, i'm just not allowed to have it in the end. and like everything else talent, the one thing that could make everything better, is the one thing I don't have going for me.

~effort and desire are only factors when talent is first present~ self quote from personal experience.

--cries just a little--

needless to say i'm very down right now.

if anyone knows where I can find scholarships targeting my degree (other then fastweb...which was of no help) by all means let me know.

this may also effect my AC attendance, though i'll to make it, just to say hi to the people i'll probably never meet outside the con V_V