I been in this dorm for about 2 weeks now, and ive been on break since saturday (my first day of class next quarter is on the 5th of October)

ATM im the only one here, my one room mate moved out on thursday, and the other 2 are on break. We will have a new roomie coming in on the 30th of this month. So cleaning up the place is heave on my to do list, knot just because its a requirement, but because I was greeted with a pig sty, and I didn't like that. My roomies had a 3 week notice of a new room mate arrival (even though it wasn't me the notice was refuring to) So i want the place in tip top shape and presentable for the new guy. after all i am the only adult here, so i need to set an example ^_^

However, I'm a bear knot a maid, so me cleaning up after them isn't going to be common place. So i hope the new guy haz some cleaning skills, it would help make life so much easier, and with at least half the ppl here to keep things clean, My bear can enjoy being here a bit more :3

Im trying to get a filing cabinet to contain my paper junk which is my weakness XD

other then that, im trying to relax as much as possible, practice what i learned from drawing, do a little painting (as much as i dislike it, it could be a good excerise in helping me get over my "fear" of making mistakes, because if u can fix a mistake painting u can fix a mistake in any other medium (except sculpting then its purely improv). I'm going to do a few design projects involving photoshop, illustrator, and possibly In-Design. Work on my website which i have made some good progress on. Maybe even finish my story from a long while back.

i also have to spend time with my bear, whom may be staying over thursday. Gots to take care of important stuff like check into getting some food stamps (students with no meal plan that don't live with parents usually qualify) and some financial assistance, because ATM i make 724/ month at best and my mandatory budget is at 698 a month. So I need some help, plus im paying into the system so why knot get some of it before I can't right? a lot of ppl do shit and collect so i deserve it ^_^

I also am going to start with some therapy for stress and time management issues. I have so much to worry about on a daily basis.

Every little thing i do I have to weigh in terms of "how can this hurt me now, tomorrow, this week, this month, this year, and in the long term" I have to plan every aspect of what i do to that thought process. A lot of shit went down to have me wound up in the dorms...and i planned that safety net 4 months ago, thats the kind of thinking I have to do on a daily basis. As soon as slip up i need to, within a matter of days, have a long term intermediate and long term solution and a plan incase any of those fail. Which is a huge burden to shoulder, one most people my age have the luxury of knot worrying about. And others won't have to deal with unless they were broke and had a family to raise, and i have to do this with school and without the option of knot working, because as soon as i stop working...I can no longer be in this dorm, this school, or this city.

So its imperative I get some help managing my time better to help decrease the impact that will have on my stress, and decrease my stress so I can make better use of my available time so I can put my time management to even better use.

Despite the content above (especially the stress related part) this isn't me ranting about my life so pity. First off, I take pity from no one, and giving it to me is a high level insult of almost the highest extent to me. And secondly while having no stress and no responsibly is a luxury in it self, having this kind of real world pressure at a time in my life thats the most critical to me, while being burden that can crush many, it only drives me harder, knowing I don't have the luxury to take it as easy as i would have in the past means I won't, because doing so threatens my very existence here.

I have a long road a head of me, one that has me here at least until 2014 (assuming the mayans are wrong), A lot to learn yet (though i've already grown so much (though i try knot to allow all this to effect me having some fun with friends), and a whole different breed of problems ahead of me. All i can do is bust my ass off, plan as diligently, and prepare myself for the worst.

"expect the worst, but hope for the best" ~ kudos

for most people that quote of mine will go over their heads, but i know some people out there may understand, its the only reason why im here and knot back in erie working at walmart paying on past loans with no job from schooling.

and if nothing else if a employer ask me can i handle stress, it would defiantly make for one hell of a story XD

my apologies for this long post, TL;DR much? but I still have a lot more on mind im knot going to state lol I just want to get some of it in writing ^_^



many thanks to all who read, and even more if you respond.